A little background - we have two DC with complex SN, both of whom have required a lengthy and stressful battle to acquire support and special school places, the majority of which was down to me and have left me exhausted and very very angry at the injustices in the system.
I have been battling with PND for a couple of years on top of this too, which has laid me mentally rather low, and I have come to suspect that I have actually had an undiagnosed ASD all my life, so have had on-off MH issues as a result of struggling with this throughout my life.
I am a SAHM, and as such the vast majority of household stuff falls to me, all the bills, finances, life admin, washing, school admin, the myriad of appointments for our SN kids etc. Our house is far too small for our family though and is tough to keep tidy. Both DH and I aren't particularly tidy people anyway so generally it doesn't bother me, though I do feel as though I am fighting a losing battle as he literally drops his clothes where he takes them off, or doesn't put his washing in the correct laundry basket, meaning it all has to be sorted out again.
Generally speaking he mucks in okay at weekends and will do occasional "big" cleans of stuff, like the fridge or oven, but he has very little in the way of defined jobs that he has to do in the house.
Something I have been really struggling with recently is going out and doing stuff in the car by myself - it's incredibly stressful with the kids on holiday anyway to make sure everyone is safe to drive with and I just can't bloody cope with it all alone sometimes. The thought of it all makes me really anxious.
So I will ask my DH to help me by getting petrol for me for example, or to move the car somewhere it is easier for me to get out quickly. Or, sometimes, when appointments come through, asking him to take the day off to help me.
Sometimes he is fine with this, but sometimes, he will act all surprised and say things like "You've got a car, haven't you? Why can't you drive?" and literally make me explain the way I feel to him, even though he knows all about it. He makes me feel incompetent and useless for not being able to do a couple of things that really, are just the tip of the iceberg in terms of things that need doing.
I get that it is frustrating living with someone with MH difficulties. I get that he feels as though he is surrounded by everyone he can't help. I get that he feels like he is financially supporting everyone and that must be stressful, though he manages none of the bills or bank accounts.
I am undergoing counselling and CBT to try to help with these problems I have too, so it's not like I am wallowing in it. I was on ADs when I met him and he doesn't want me to take them again as he said they squashed my personality.
AIBU to just want him to do these things to help me without questioning me and trying to pick an argument with me about why I can't quite cope right now?