I am so unhappy and I don't know what to do... I have a grown up son who lives at home, he is in a bad place but it's getting me down now. He doesn't work and is very quick to snap and is very difficult to live with, he's always been a difficult child and has caused us concern all of his life.I've now got to the stage where I just want to up and go, I'm not sure where I could go to but I just want to disappear and never be found, that or end it all. My partner doesn't say or do anything, he does everything to avoid confrontation of any kind and over the years it has always appeared to me that he has sided with our children... S a result of this I have lost so much respect for him and whilst he is a good decent man, husband and father I feel immensely resentful towards him and my son which is hideous I know.
I accept that I've not been a perfect mother but then again I honestly feel I have been a great mum, always putting my children's welfare, needs and happiness before mine and it feels like I've given constantly over the past 30 plus years and for what!!! I can't help feeling that the best years of my life has been wasted.
Lots of things have gone wrong just recently, I left a job I was in for years, my parents have died, I have had what was potentially a life threatening illness so I do accept I'm probably depressed but all of this pales into insignificance in comparison to the feeling of tremendous disappointment in my son and I've got to the stage where I just want him gone but then in the other hand if he did leave I'd be worried sick as he has nothing.. no money, no friends nothing!
Please can anyone give me some advice as to what I should do as I'm not sure how much longer I can carry on like this.
I spend so much of my time upset and crying and feel so trapped without any choices. If this is living I don't want it any more, I don't think I could do anything silly probably because I'm a coward but primarily because I couldn't do this to my family.
Thank you for reading this....