AIBU - "Spinster"

[Turvey94]

How do you feel about this term? I personally hate it! I find it so derogatory. However, it seems to be so commonplace and the go-to word for an unmarried woman?!

I've taken to commenting when people use it - even when when they don't mean any offence by it. I don't say anything aggressively - I'm normally a shy person and have a soft voice !!

It's just that the last person I said "that's quite a mean word - she just didn't marry" to seemed quite taken aback?! AIBU? Should I refrain?

I was "previous marriage dissolved" the second time and "spinster" the first (1999).

The first time I married a "bachelor" and the second time I married a "single", which is what prompted my conversation with the registrar. She was pleased it had changed too.

I suppose what they've done is shift from "descriptive noun" to "status of party" IYSWIM.

stilldrivingmebonkers I can assure you that the connotation of spinster and bachelorette are not equal; they are absolutely in no way synonyms. The only time ANYONE uses the word bachelorette is when someone is about to get married and they are having a bachelorette party for her (here called a 'hen do' (which has secretly always grated me, don't judge) . You don't refer to someone who is unattached as a bachelorette. You call them single. Maybe on TV they do, but in real life, no. not ever, in my experience.

Ah, thanks serf, that's really interesting. I think that's a good change too.

Bachelorette is not the American equivalent to spinster. A bachelorette is a young unmarried woman. Spinster implies an older unmarried woman who's "past her prime." There's no offense in being called a bachelorette, but there can be with being called a spinster.

Don't most people just say Single these days?

In the US, the term "bachelorette" is only used for hen dos and terrible game shows. We don't call single women bachelorettes.

TinDogTavern my grandad told me I was going to die an old maid. When I was 22

We also don't really use the term hen dos, we say bachelorette parties.

I always see the word spinster as an insult. That is what it was growing up in my experience. Used to describe a woman who couldn't get a husband due to being unattractive or fat etc.

I am a solicitor, you would be surprised how often spinster is still used in formal documentation.

It used to be standard practice that a man was described by his profession and a woman was described by her marital status _

• Joe Bloggs electrician of 1 High Sreet and Mary Smith spinster of 2 Main road. This was the case no matter if the female had a profession or not. Thankfully that practice has now mostly died out and professions are not mentioned at all. But spinster is still used in probate work.

TinDogTavern

You've just reminded me of a card game we played when I was little -Old Maid. You took out 1 of the queens so only 3 remained, I think, and you had to try and pair up all the other cards, like for like, to get rid of them. Obviously the loser was the one who ended up with the queen who couldn't be paired off! Funny that it was the woman not the man who failed cos she couldn't be paired off...

Sorry, should have said in my last post - men would be described by whatever their profession was but a woman could only be one of 3 things - spinster, married woman or widow.

I got married in Ireland at the age of 30. Filling in the paperwork at the registry office beforehand, they listed DP's status (now DH) as "Bathchelor" and listed my status as "Spinster" and we hadn't been married before

I queried it and the lady said it was just the legal term for an unwed woman over 21! Seemed odd to me but wasn't going to argue

In England & Wales, the terms bachelor and spinster stopped being used on marriage certificates in 2005, after civil partnerships were introduced. Some churches have forgotten this though, so if you were married in church after 2005, you might still see those terms on your marriage certificate, rather than single.

To me, it's a historic term and fine to be used in that context. I don't hear it day-to-day to refer to living people.

On a side note, I found this a fascinating account of how single women were (dis)regarded around WWI: www.theguardian.com/books/2007/sep/01/featuresreviews.guardianreview6