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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go back full Time?

17 replies

BalticUnicorn · 02/08/2017 21:44

I'm pregnant and can afford to drop to 4 days after mat leave. However my dh refuses to have a joint bank account so I feel I need to go back full time. Everything comes out of my account and he puts a direct debit in for his half but I think him putting alot more in will make me uncomfortable and if he refuses a joint bank account I need to think about my pension etc

OP posts:

Writerwannabe83 · 02/08/2017 21:48

What are both your current full time salaries? I hope they are both pretty equal considering the set-up you've got?

phoolani · 02/08/2017 21:50

I wouldn't go to 4 days simply because everybody I've ever known who's done it has ended up doing the same amount of work, just getting paid less for it and having to make up that fifth day somehow. Also, yes, if you have any doubts about your and dp's commitment, protect yourself and your pension.

Moanyoldcow · 02/08/2017 21:53

I'd be more concerned about his unwillingness to share finances. I find it utterly bizarre when married couples with kids don't have some shared finance arrangements.

Original poster

BalticUnicorn · 02/08/2017 21:59

There similar salaries at present

OP posts:

Writerwannabe83 · 03/08/2017 10:37

How much would dropping one day reduce your bring home pay?

If your salaries are pretty similar then I can't imagine your DH would have to contribute too much more than you?

I do find it odd that he won't have a joint account though - has he said why he won't?

WS12 · 03/08/2017 10:43

Go part time!!! That one day will be a saving grace.

I would speak to your hub about the situation and having a joint account. Maybe you could open another account which you both pay in to? I have always had a joint account with my DH so not too sure how to work that one. But definitely go part time 👍👍👍👍

wheredoesallthetimego · 03/08/2017 10:45

If you're providing childcare for one day and your finances are so rigid then he has to pay you half the cost of that childcare. a day a week at nursery round here would be at least £300 per month.

Littlelouse · 03/08/2017 10:47

Definitely do not drop to part time. His refusal to share finances should be enough of a warning to you that you need to be totally financially independent.

Going back full time will also protect your career and safeguard you in the long term.

sunandmoonshine · 03/08/2017 10:52

I'd be more concerned about his unwillingness to share finances. I find it utterly bizarre when married couples with kids don't have some shared finance arrangements.

This That is really worrying OP. Sadly, I don't think it's too uncommon. Some men do seem to regard the money they earn as theirs^ , even when they and their wife/partner have babies. And some expect the mother of their baby to not only keep working, but also, to pay for everything for the baby, and half towards the bills in the home, out of her income. Be prepared for a rough ride unless you put your foot down now and insist on joint finances.

Was the issue of finances not discussed before you started trying for a baby?

Original poster

BalticUnicorn · 03/08/2017 17:44

He said it's old fashioned to have a joint account and he's happy to cover all bills. I earn 1900 and he earns 2100. We did discuss it but I thought I was infertile so I never imagined having a baby tbh

OP posts:

Macaroni46 · 03/08/2017 17:49

I worked 4 days for many years and it was great. It enabled me to have one complete mummy day a week and to continue pursuing my career. Go for it OP

PumpkinPie2016 · 03/08/2017 19:38

Given what you have said about the joint account, I would stay full time and also have the child benefit paid into your account.

I went back full time (not for the same reason you did though) and it's honestly not too bad. I'm a teacher so my job is a demanding one but we manage it just fine even if it is a bit stressful at times.

JsOtherHalf · 03/08/2017 20:54

Run your figures through a salary calculator, and compare the difference in tax, ni, etc.

ecuse · 03/08/2017 21:04

Can you get him to drop a day too, so you both do 4 days? Your kid will get quality time alone with each of you, and you'll retain a bit of pay equality?

Also in my observation, relationships where both parties have experience of being at home with kids all day and also going to work as a parent work better. You both intrinsically have more empathy for the other. Parents (often Dads) who have never been at home with kids simply cannot understand how knackering it is. Parents who have always stayed at home cannot understand his draining it is to be constantly contexts switching from professional to family mode, the stress of trying to get home in time for nursery pick up or bedtime, the difficulty of telling your boss you can't come to work today cause your kid's sick etc etc. And having experience of having a job pre-kids isn't the same.

Shenanagins · 03/08/2017 21:11

I used to work 4 days and wouldn't recommend it as I did 5 days work whilst being paid for 4 plus didn't get the pension contributions.

As for joint accounts, I can't see why this is too much of an issue as long as he pays his share. Admittedly it me who insists on this despite being the lower earner!

Original poster

BalticUnicorn · 03/08/2017 21:32

He does 3 long days so dropping a day would be droping 13 hours. He has some credit issues too so I don't know whether a joint account would ruin my rating?

OP posts:

llangennith · 03/08/2017 22:59

Stick to 4 days and enjoy your day with your baby. When your DC starts school you can enjoy a day to yourself. You can always up your days but almost impossible to reduce them.
Keep your own bank accounts but have a third, joint account out of which bills, direct debits and standing orders are paid and into which you and your DH pay an equal amount pro rata to your monthly income.

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