40th birthday - would you be offended?

[CoughLaughFart]

I'm going back to my hometown this weekend for a 40th birthday - the on-off boyfriend of a good friend (we'll call her Friend 1).

Friend 2, who lives in the same town, texted me yesterday to say he's in London next week and do I want to meet up. Because he's been known to get huffy if I go home and don't see him, I mentioned I would be visiting for a 40th but could meet him in the daytime beforehand if he wanted.

Friend 2 knows the birthday boy, but is not invited. He's not specifically not invited; they're just not particularly close. However, F2 has the worst case of FOMO I have ever known. I just know if he finds out who the celebration is for I'll get the 'where was my invite? Can't I come with you?' routine.

It's a night out rather than a party and those of us going have had to book at the venue; therefore I can't really just invite extras. I'd hope if I explained this he will get it - but am I being unfair? Would you expect to be squeezed in when it's someone you know?

To avoid drop feeding, I should tell you F1 is not a big fan of F2 and would not thank me for bringing him. F1 and I went away with another friend recently and F2 tried to invite himself; F1 told me she wouldn't go if he did.

Two choices then: either you lie about whose party it is, or you tell him but make it clear he can't come. But no, he can't be squeezed in, particularly under the circumstances.

FOMO?
its not your place to invite him especially if F1 wouldnt want him there. Its that simple isnt it?

FOMO = fear of missing out.

And of course you're right Humble; it's not my place. My worry comes from the fact that he doesn't really get that he's annoyed F1, so I want to avoid making it into a whole 'thing'.

Tell him it´s a certain number so invite only, no possibility of coming along at all. Tickets are sold out or whatever.

So he gets huffy when you can't meet him and he'll be sulky when you can't take him to an event you are invited to but not hosting? He sounds high maintenance, I would just tell him straight out

Why wasn't I invited?
No idea I am not hosting

Can I come?
No, as I say I am not hosting, not my place to invite you.

Queue sulk
God you're high maintenance, stop sulking you are not a toddler

You should not invite him and if he's a grown up, he should understand that he's not going to be automatically included in everything. F1 and F2 aren't close before you get to the fact that F1 doesn't like F2.

If you invite him, expect to not be friends with F2 for much longer.

Sorry, I meant F1 probably won't continue your friendship.

Couldn't you just see Friend2, by himself, in London? Or is the party on the same day as he wants to meet up?

Does he know whose party it is? Could you just say "oh, it's the boyfriend of a friend" and not mention the name?

You simply cannot invite someone to someone else's birthday celebrations, if it comes to it just say you can't invite him as fixed numbers and not your place.

Couldn't you just see Friend2, by himself, in London?

This would be my ideal scenario!

I think this was one of those things I needed to see in black and white. It's not up to me to justify why he hasn't been invited.