I read this earlier - its a blog by a hypnotherapist and I think it might be worth thinking about...sorry its long!
26th October 2015 by Marisa Peer
In my years as a therapist I’ve noticed something. Many of my clients report something is missing in their lives—that’s why they come to see me in the first place. It may be that they’re missing love, friends, an attractive body, career success, a full bank account, or the self esteem that will allow them to speak in front of an audience. The reason they don’t have these things is almost never because they have some disability or deficiency that physically prevents them from getting it. It’s almost always because they believe the thing that’s missing from their life is not available to them.
Notice the difference between those two things. If you lived in a cave cut off from the world, you’d have a good reason for not being able to make friends. But if you live in the middle of London with millions of people and events to attend, there’s nothing preventing you. If you live in a country with no economy or jobs, you might have something preventing you from attaining wealth. But if you live in one of the most developed economies in the world with all the access to internet and technology to build a business, there’s nothing stopping you. These are beliefs my clients have developed and can’t let go of.
In fact, for many of us, when it comes to convincing ourselves that we are enough and deserving of all the things we desire—be it love, success, fulfilment, or happiness—we are noticeably deficient. We operate on outdated information; that is, because our father left us when we were a child, we can’t be fully depend on a partner or spouse. Because as a child our family was always poor and struggling financially, wealth and financial success if not available to us as an adult.
But on the other hand, I’ve noticed something else: when it comes to tangible things, we have no problem updating our beliefs. When I was a child I couldn’t have imagined owning a smartphone that does the job of a map, address book, calculator, recorder, newspaper, TV, radio and so much more. But as technology has advanced, so has my belief that this kind of technological capability is indeed possible.
When computers first came out and they took up an entire room, we couldn’t have imagined that we would be able to talk in real time over video chat to people on the other side of the world. But just because it was previously not available, doesn’t mean we don’t believe we can use it today. We have updated our expectations about what technology is capable of.
And that’s the key: you have to start thinking of your beliefs as tangible objects you have control over, just like a phone. Just as you are not still using a Nokia phone from 2001, you don’t have to operate on the same beliefs you had when you were 13. Technology advances, and your phone becomes more hi-tech. As you get older and your awareness and knowledge advances—let’s call it your “mental technology”—your beliefs can advance too. You have control over that.
In other words, you have to start upgrading your beliefs in the same way you upgrade your phone or laptop. Your beliefs are a tangible things that you have control over. They are not fixed.