To ask for tips on enjoying toddlers?

[Lou573]

I adore my little girl, I really do, she can be an absolute delight. However, I'm really struggling to enjoy my time with her at the moment and it makes me so sad.

I work part time and my days off are solely to spend time with her, play games, go to groups, parks and trips. My husband comes home and cooks dinner and cleans so that I am free to dedicate this time to her.

And yet, I finish these days begging her to go to sleep and gasping for a glass of wine. I know I'm slap bang in the middle of the terrible twos, but I wake up being whined at, which continues all day interspersed with tantrums. I pick my battles and try to distract, but the low level whining is continuous, everything I do appears to be wrong and the non-negotiables such as nappy changes, teeth brushing, bedtime, handholding on roads etc, seem to occur with enough frequency to mean the resultant tantrums make up a significant part of the day.

I feel like she doesn't enjoy the time with me perhaps and I would be better off working and putting her in nursery for the extra days - she appears happy enough on her nursery days, but it would break my heart to miss out on her toddlerhood.

When she's happy she's gorgeous, but those moments seem far and few between and only last until something happens/isn't happening exactly as she wishes.

I'm pretty sure this is normal toddlerhood, but does anyone have any tips on how to enjoy it? I really don't want to spend my days longing for bedtime!

I feel you OP.

I adore DD but it can get a bit much. You say you go to groups, how many? I found too many activities was the cause of some of the tantrums. I just do one a week now and fill the time with muddy puddles, playing with dolls or just running around the garden. I'm less stressed too.

I know it's been said a million times but with the tantrums over small things give her choices. Nappy change - which nappy shall we put on? Can you choose which top to wear? Seems to help DD a little.

Stop thinking of what you need to do and enjoy the moment. Keep things basic, baking, looking at plants, bugs etc. Let her take the lead.

Also if she is at nursery you dont need to take her to groups. Do stuff that makes you both happy (although im not a baby/toddler group advocate!)

I was just thinking the same before reading Spud's post.

Are you trying to do too much with her? Especially if she's in nursery on the days you're at work.

Perhaps if you didn't have some much going out there would be less time for tantrums about putting shoes on / holding hands etc.

I'd suggest try having a few days just at home and seeing how she reacts. Just be the two of you, together, pottering around at home.

Choices definitely do help and have worked before - will try to think whether I could utilise this more.

We do lots of activities but to be honest she's much better out of the house with things going on. At home she just whines and clings to me.

We do make time to do what she wants rather than me dictating activities, but these still seem to get ruined by tantrums in ways I can't always foresee - we made play dough together but then she got furious that I insisted on having the food colouring back, she loves to go on toddler speed walks round the neighbourhood but threw herself to the pavement when her favourite cat wasn't in his front garden. Life's very dramatic!

Will try and have a few quiet days and see if it makes a difference. She's normally bouncing off the walls and inisisting I put shoes on to go out after a few hours but maybe it would take some time for her to unwind properly.

To be honest, I don't think food dye and a toddler was ever going to end well. HTH

I think she sounds over-whelmed and/or over tired.

She might seem much better out of the house while she's dealing with the excitement of lots of trips and activities, but a toddler can't deal with that much excitement. Which is why she's having trouble with her emotions at home.

I think that's a good idea. It'll take her a while to calm down if it is over-stimulation that's the problem.

Do you have a garden you can go out in?

My daughter is approaching two and she is a Pain. In. The. Arse.

She is an impatient child and an epic temper tantrum thrower. And the whinging - oh my days. There are times I'd gladly stick knitting needles in my ears in the hope it might deafen me.

I only really go in hard on the non-negotiables now. I've pretty much let everything else slide.

Today that meant letting her put cheese in a duplo brick, letting her wear a tea towel on her head during lunch (in a restaurant), giving her a roller blind to carry when we were shopping at the retail park, stopping to chat to a random cat on our street for twenty minutes, and singing Miss Polly had a Dolly eleventy billion times.

I can't say I enjoy it exactly, but life is less combative, at least.

DS is almost two and dear God, the whining.... He has an awful lot to say for himself and is very clear in his communication but only has about half a dozen recognisable words. I'm sure this has got a lot to do with his tantrums.

We find lots of slow build-up to anything requiring co-operation such as nappy changes is key (e.g. changing nappy on favourite cuddly toy first), along with letting a lot of stuff slide - but still have days where I seem to say nothing but "DS, no!!!".

Oh, and singing The Wheels On The Fucking Bus about a thousand times.

Well no, agreed MissAlligned, but replace food dye with anything else that she can't do exactly as she wants with - same result with paints that she can't wander the house with, or nappy cream that she can't take handfuls of. There's always things that she's going to see used or be allowed to use under supervision but not be allowed to run riot with.

I think lack of communication definitely plays a part - she's learned to say please so when she's whining for something I can encourage her to ask nicely instead, which does limit the whining, but this tactic only works when it's something she can have!

Yy to previous poster on choosing battles. My DD2 has just turned 2 and I am WAY more relaxed with her than I was with DD1. She regularly goes out wearing a tutu and her older sisters wellies 3 sizes too big because.... Why the hell not! It's just not worth the battle. Sometimes (like your DC) we try to 'chill out' at home and she whines and clings to me so I put something on tv, sit down and just cuddle (really hard because I also work PT and hate sitting down doing nothing!) Try smaller activities, make the play doh yourself in the evening and just let her play with it instead. I tried all this stuff with my first and realised some activities are just more hassle than they're worth.

I went back to work full time a few months ago, putting 18 mo in nursery, I find working much less tiring, despite having a demanding job. I also find I now have more energy and patience when I do spend time with toddler. Can you put her in nursery one of your week days off, give you a break and catch up on home stuff. Then you'll be refreshed for fun days?

Hang in there OP, my eldest is nearly 3 now and we're coming out the other end. She's also better when out but now loves puzzles and orchard games so we can sit and play. She's recently grown up a lot emotionally and seems to understand more and it's easier to reason with her.

Don't create busy days for them; they don't need it. We did one activity a day: a group or playdate, walk to the shops, park etc. The day shapes quite nicely round that and allows easy relaxed mornings and no rushing to get places which can lead to a million tiny battles. Make sure they have lots of time to play themselves and you can have a coffee and MN. If you always play with them when they are that age, they don't seem to develop this skill. You can always start them off on an activity and then leave them to it.