More of a WWYD really I suppose.
Until recently, one of my closest friends in the world was a guy I had met while travelling years and years ago, let's call him Andy. When we both returned to the UK I visited Andy and met all of his group of friends, whom I became very close with. Over the years we have all holidayed together, visited each other's cities, celebrated big occasions and have all our own group dynamics and traditions. Recently things have changed more as people have settled down but partners have always been welcomed and included.
A couple of years ago, I introduced Andy to a friend of mine from university, let's call her Amy, and they really hit it off. It took a little while as they were living in different cities, but about 18months ago they started dating. Amy and I were never that close, but when she moved to my city (where Andy works but doesn't live) I put her up while she went flat hunting, advised her on living in that city etc etc. Andy and Amy continued in their relationship quite happily, but mine and Andy's relationship suddenly went down hill to the point where he barely spoke to me for months.
It transpired (after a drunken conversation) that Amy was unhappy with our friendship as she had seen me "stroke" his arm at a large friend gathering. I was dubious about this but apologised and reassured him it was innocent and wouldn't happen again. I was however mad at him for the fact that it had taken months of him being weird to admit this to me, rather than either of them just dealing with it.
All went back to normal, for a short time. Only a month or two later, Andy stopped speaking to me again, and I just ignored it as if he wasn't going to reply to my texts then that was his problem. By this time I was also in a relationship with one of his food friends, from the friendship group, and had been for months. Both Andy and Amy knew this, but it didn't seem to stop things getting out of hand again. In June this year we attended a wedding (Amy wasn't there) with the rest of our group inc my boyfriend, and after too many drinks I had it out with Andy. He (very solemnly and as though he was upset) admitted that's Amy was still uncomfortable with our relationship and he felt that she had a point as earlier in the year I had put my hand on his shoulder near the back of his neck.
For clarification, I did this because he was clearly down about something and I was trying to ask if he was ok. My boyfriend was in the room at the time so it was hardly a come on, but apparently he still felt like it was inappropriate.
It turns out the thing he was upset about was that he and Amy had decided to get an abortion for an unplanned pregnancy at the end of last year and were both struggling with it.
Of course when I found this out and old him that I understood completely why he had to prioritise her, but that I didn't quite see why,it meant that he and I couldn't be friends, especially 7 months later. He just kept repeating that this was the girl he loved and that if she didn't want he and I to be friends then he had to priories her and that decision. It all ended in drunken tears as I had broken up with my boyfriend that same evening which he knew so I wasn't in the best place. Andy did nothing to console me and just kept saying we couldn't be friends if Amy wasn't ok with it. So, j told him that was fine but to not expect me to wait around for him if he changed his mind or if their relationship changed.
That was two months ago and, though I know it sounds a bit trivial, he was my best friend so I've really struggled without him in the aftermath of breaking up with my boyfriend and some other stuff.
Thing is, today he has text me with small talk which I've sort of answers without opening up the conversation. However he's clearly persevering and now I don't know what to do. Do I have it out with him? Forget it and be nice and hope he's returned to sanity? Was he actually right and we can't be friends? Or was Amy (and Andy) unreasonable and I should stick to my guns?
Gosh sorry that was so long but I didn't want to drop feed! Please help :)