To think this is fucking rude?

[DragonsandDungeons]

I'm going to my EPU today because of positive pregnancy tests after a miscarriage. They're checking for retained tissue or a new pregnancy.

I told my mum because I asked her to look after my son. She said "so it's retained tissue? You'll need a D&C" I told her it's likely but it could also be a new pregnancy and they want to know which. She then said "not being funny, but it didn't take you two long did it? Why would you have sex straight after a miscarriage?" Wtf?!

I'm still annoyed by that comment. She doesn't think it was unacceptable to say either.

Stop telling your mum anything personal. Get someone else to have your dc in future. Don't give her information that she can use to hurt you. I hope your appointment goes well.

Yeah it was rude and insensitive.

I bet she is the type of person who says 'are you going to eat all THAT?' and 'you take a lot of tablets don't you?' and 'your jeans look a bit tighter than they did last time, have they shrunk?'

Sly, underhand, insidious comments, designed to make you feel like shit.

People like this are usually a bit miserable, and lash out to make everyone around them feel just as bad as they do. It's nasty, even if it IS unintentional sometimes.

There is nothing wrong with having sex within a DAY of a miscarriage if it comforts you and makes you feel a bit better.

I hope the news this afternoon is good.

(And it all goes well of course...)

Maybe it came out wrong but she was likely thinking of you. It's not recommended by doctors that you try again so soon, risk of infection, emotional issues over the MC need to be dealt with etc. Most mums would be worrying in this situation.

Beebee

Yes she is. I remember as a teenager comments like "don't you want to put any makeup on?" and "I've got a hairbrush in my bag, would you like it if you decide to brush your hair?"

She also offers to do things for orople and then uses it in arguments. "I cooked you dinner how dare you disagree with my opinion!" "you offered to, I didn't ask you to!"

She has depression though and refuses to treat it.

She's bypassed the concept that many couples are heartbroken after a loss and try again straightaway, so she's thoughtless.
Secondly, she seems to have a skewed view on sex and meaningful relationships, believing that it's a distasteful, dirty activity. Pity the woman.
I couldn't imagine being so entitled to the extent of offering an opinion on my daughter's intimate life.
Sorry for what you're going through and hope you get some positive news.

Beadieeye she once called me a slag for sleeping with DP so I think this is bang on

Agree that no good can come of a sense that starts 'not being funny, but'. I would introduce on the spot fines.

Err sense should have been sentence. Not a lot of sense this morning.

It's not recommended by doctors that you try again so soon, risk of infection, emotional issues over the MC need to be dealt with etc.

Again, the consultant in recurrent miscarriage told me that this is an outdated belief that is no longer medical advice. I also don't think it sounds like OP's mum was exactly expressing concern in any case.

I'm really sorry for your loss op and good god in hell ? When the hell is it ok for other people to comment on when you have sex?

I just kind of want to make clear I understand why you posted about needing reassurance from your do but you owe absolutely nobody an explanation for having sex....neither you mother or internet strangers

I'm amazed at some of the stuff I'm reading on mumsnet today ...that people feel it's ok to judge or comment on the most personal choices or aspects ....it's honestly a bit mad

Op I personally would pull her up and when she claims overreaction I'd be tempted to tell her to knock it off with the manipulation crap she was out of line and needs to apologise

But granted I'm very bolshy

I conceived my first the month following a mc. I was told that I could try again as soon as I wanted to.

It's a very patronising idea that a woman should deal with the emotional effects of mc before waiting. The main emotion may be sadness at not being pregnant, so nothing wrong in simply trying to get pregnant again.

We had loads of sex in the aftermath. Part bonding and comfort part tbh trying to get back what we lost. I'm sorry she was so rude. Good luck xxx

Hope went well today. Yes she was rude

Yes, she was bloody rude. People in general can be massive wankers at times, you've only got to visit here to see that

I hope all went ok today love

I conceived my baby straight after a mc. I couldn't bear the thought of waiting or not being pregnant on the lost baby's due date. It was something I needed to hold on to.

Thanks everyone. Scan showed retained products and what looks like a very damaged tube.

Feeling pretty shit

Good luck, OP. If it helps at all my friend had 1 tube removed as part of cancer treatment and she was told it likely wouldn't effect her fertility.

Sorry it's turned out that way OP

Not so important now but I'd tell your mum next time she says this sort of thing that she's a rude interfering cow, and when she responds badly say 'You're over-reacting'.

Thank you.

My mums being more sympathetic now. As horrible as it sounds, I wondered if she's a bit envious that I've found it "easy" to get pregnant previously. She had only me and I was the result of several IVF cycles. She keeps saying to me "can't you just be happy with one?!" so I think that's something to do with it

Sending love Dragons xxx

Thank you everyone x