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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate my toddler?

36 replies

Schvitzing · 31/07/2017 10:24

I mean I love her of course but I hate being a SAHM.

The endless whining, the chasing her everywhere, the food throwing, the utter lack of personal space, the grabbing, hair pulling etc. I just feel so demoralised and as if I'm not even a person anymore. Days can go by and I won't have had an adult conversation with anybody apart from the couple of hours with DH which are usually centred on dinner and tv and bed as we're both so tired. Is this normal?

Financially I can't go back to what I did before as the company folded while I was on ML and I just have no time/money to train or even sit and fill in a flipping form to try something else. Plus I am so demoralised I wouldn't even know where to start. I'm so envious of friends who are teachers, lawyers, marketing execs etc as they had to go back to work but I just feel so stuck and resentful.

DD is with a childminder one day a week as thats all we can afford but that day is spent cleaning/tidying/batch cooking/folding bloody washing as the house is such a mess all the time. I just resent it all and feel like running away. Is it just me?

OP posts:

Bluewombler2k · 01/08/2017 07:49

I could have wrote your post OP, I have a 7yo and a 22mo dd and she had me crying yesterday. I am also a SAHM and my career kind of folded as my profession isn't really around anymore. No advice unfortunately, but commiserations and I completely feel your pain. Whereabouts are you? Maybe we could meet up and cry together!

Bluewombler2k · 01/08/2017 07:50

written

dietcokeandwine · 01/08/2017 07:57

Oh op the toddler years are just the worst. I am a SAHM and found them really really hard. Relentless, hellish, messy, noisy monotony with an occasional pleasant moment here and there if you're lucky. I am deeply grateful to not have a toddler any more!

The good news is those years don't last forever and once DC hit 4/5 it becomes much easier and actually nice to spend time with them. Those 'middle childhood' years are so much better and you have all that to look forward to.

But yes to going back to work in the meantime. Doesn't matter what it is, really, even if not in your original field of career. Even if it's just a few hours a week. It's something I didn't do when mine were tiny and with hindsight I really wish I had.

Redredredrose · 01/08/2017 08:04

YANBU. It's really hard. My toddler rarely tantrums, and is generally sweet-tempered and caring and lovely, and I still find it exhausting and dull a lot of the time. His speech isn't great so there's not much back-and-forth - I think I'd find it easier if he were a chatterbox. He's also not a big eater so mealtimes can be stressful, though I try not to show it, and he likes to climb and roll and stand on me, which can be painful! I actually work part-time, so I do get some "me time" (if being at work can be counted as "me time"), but I agree with PP - taking him out is much easier than staying in all day, even if I do feel really tired and think in the morning that a day at home will be relaxing.

Redredredrose · 01/08/2017 08:08

And if you have a bolter, get reins. Seriously, I couldn't take DS out anywhere with cars without having him on his reins. He is becoming more danger-aware, but he'd still run off without looking half the time, especially in carparks.

Mojimoves · 01/08/2017 08:08

Oh god, I can't tell you how relieved I am to read this and know it's not just me that struggles with being home sometimes.

I'm a sahm to 2 year old twins. Some days I feel so lucky to be home but usually by the weekend I can't wait for dh to get home from work.

I feel like less of a person since giving up work, childcare costs for 2 made it impossible for me to keep working although I did try after mat leave, it was just so expensive.

I try and get out for walks as often as we can, soft play and toddler groups are a no go at the moment because there's 2 of them and 1 of me.

I just keep thinking in the long term this is such a short period really and that keeps me going!

Ghjklf · 01/08/2017 08:15

Days can go by and I won't have had an adult conversation with anybody apart from the couple of hours with DH which are usually centred on dinner and tv and bed as we're both so tired. Is this normal.

I suspect this is your problem. Is there a reason that you aren't getting out and about? I'd go stir crazy if I didn't meet up with people. I love my own company too but not all day every day. I used to go out every single day with my DC when they were little even if it was a pain the arse getting them out the house. Wouldn't your DD get something out of meeting up with other people too?

I found the more I got out the house the more energy I had when I got home.

Is there a reason you can't sort out the housework when your DD is with you. I know it's not easy but it seems an awful waste of a day to do cleaning when your DD is at child care.

What about sports? I used to carry on with sports even when the dc were little. Again, I know it's not easy, but I knew it was good for me socially and health wise.

You have to be bloody minded about organising your time and doing things for yourself as well as your DD.

Frouby · 01/08/2017 08:23

Toddlers are cunts. They are tiny control freaks with short tempers and even shorter memories. What made them happy yesterday can induce a meltdown today. Sigh.

My ds is 3.8 now. It's getting better in some ways. He entertains himself for 20 minute stretches. Watches tv. Plays on his tablet. Plays with his toys. Potters around outside.

But he is harder to take shopping or do out of the house chores as he wants everything his way.

He goes to nursery 3 hours a day normally but ge was ill the last week of term so we are just starting thè 3rd week and he has gone slightly feral.

We have ponies and I usually spend a few days a week when he is at nursery just pottering at the yard. I am really missing it already. The peace and being out of the house alone. But it's not forever. This too will pass OP. Definitely go back to work if you can. We were waiting until he started ft school but I think I am going to start looking in September this year.

exWifebeginsat40 · 01/08/2017 09:44

toddlers are basically tiny drunks. they talk nonsense, randomly weep as if the world is ending, walk into stuff, fall over and collapse into a deep sleep at the most inopportune moments.

the toddler years are basically spent wrangling a headstrong, irrational explorer. i used to be bored to tears at times, trying to get a grip on the chaos the rest of the time, and was convinced it would ever end. my kid is 17 now and learning to drive. i don't know where the years went - hang on to the good bits - you will treasure them as your small person grows.

oh, and the Tweenies saved the day for us on more than one occasion. whatever the current favourite is, deploy as needed. everyone does this, but will insist they never let their kids watch telly. they are fibbing.

exWifebeginsat40 · 01/08/2017 09:46

never end, i mean.

Megha22 · 01/08/2017 11:26

Dear Schvitzing, don't blame yourself, it is in fact hard to take care of toddlers they are damn energetic and they can actually drive you crazy nothing to blame yourself here, it is in fact very tiring and a work that just doesn't finish , try finding new work because as you mentioned there is a money crunch as well, you do have a lot of personal worries to deal with as well , i believe once you start working everything will fall back to normal.

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