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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Party invite guests - WIBU?

21 replies

NoPressureNoDiamonds · 30/07/2017 19:51

A bit of background - large friendship group, all couples and maybe half of those have kids. Friend A - let's call her Abbie , was very close to friend B - let's call her Bella, for years but now she isn't speaking to her. No confrontation but she heard something that Bella said about her through another friend that was very hurtful (concerning a bereavement) and now is avoiding her. Bella obvs notices but hasn't confronted her so it's all unsaid and Abbie just doesn't go to stuff where Bella will be really and it's all a bit awkward. Abbie & Bella both have kids same age as my ds.

The dilemma: it is my ds 2nd birthday on Sunday and were having a party for him. Just family but we wanted to invite a couple of our son's little friends, so some of our friends and their kids (not all though, just 3 couples). Ideally this would include Bella and Abbie's dds BUT I'm not sure if I should invite Bella or not. We are closer to Abbie and I know she'll be uncomfortable if Bella is there BUT it feels sad for Bella's dd to miss out. WIBU to invite them both?

OP posts:

PovertyJetset · 30/07/2017 19:54

Just keep it to a small family tea party. Your child will not notice at all and it will a nice family affair with no drama. That's what is importnat, ain't it.

NancyDonahue · 30/07/2017 19:56

These are adults right? It's awkward but they are both your friends. I'm sure they can suck it up for the duration of a kids party. They might even sort it out.

Imamouseduh · 30/07/2017 19:57

Invite them both if you want to and don't be drawn into their crap. Sounds a bit high school, really. Do grown ups really waste time thinking about this stuff?

Rkd808 · 30/07/2017 19:57

I'd invite both and leave the "adults" to their squabbles. It's unfair to exclude a child because of the actions of the parent (even if the child isn't aware)

RaeSkywalker · 30/07/2017 19:58

I'd invite them both, and make them aware that the other is also invited.

Ikabod · 30/07/2017 20:01

Don't invite one but not the other. Either invite both of them or neither.

InThisTogether · 30/07/2017 20:01

What I'mAMouse said.
I can't believe this either but my husband and our friend were having this very conversation a couple of hours ago.
Yes adults do behave this way. My motto in this situation is "be Switzerland" (i.e be neutral and don't play).

Anxietyreallyblows · 30/07/2017 20:06

Invite them both and let then get on with it. If it was an unpleasant and untrue comment why has A said nothing? For all she know said mutual friends is a shit stirrer and B is being unjustly 'punished' or B deserves telling for bring a shit.

MrsJamesAspey · 30/07/2017 20:09

Would either or both of the children be happy to stay without their parent?

colacolaaddict · 30/07/2017 20:14

Invite both via a whatsapp group or similar, so they can see each other are invited.

YouTheCat · 30/07/2017 20:17

I wouldn't invite either. They sound about 8.

Original poster

NoPressureNoDiamonds · 30/07/2017 20:17

I know, it really is very childish and for what it's worth I think that Abbie should speak to Bella about it all as, exactly as PP said, I strongly suspect there was a lot of shit stirring involved. I am absolutely Switzerland but just wasn't sure if it would be bad to invite both knowing it would make her/ them uncomfortable. The general consensus has helped a lot - thank you

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 30/07/2017 20:18

Yeah invite them both and everyone else via Facebook and WhatsApp

Original poster

NoPressureNoDiamonds · 30/07/2017 20:18

"I wouldn't invite either. They sound about 8."

Ha - you're right. But I love their kids - as does my ds.

OP posts:

BeepBeepMOVE · 30/07/2017 20:19

@PovertyJetset

Friends are just as if not more important than family to a lot of people. You can't just dismiss them because you don't share blood, you have no idea how much OP values them or not.

Wilburissomepig · 30/07/2017 20:23

Agree, invite via messenger or what's app, so that they can see who else is invited. Then stay out of it and leave it up to them.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 30/07/2017 20:26

No confrontation but she heard something that Bella said about her through another friend that was very hurtful

Sounds to me like A is enjoying the drama of it all.
You've obviously not spoken to B about it so are non the wiser.
So why would you automatically place A above B?

I think A is trying to influence you to take sides in a passive aggressive way - "You should EXPECT that i don't want to be in the same room as her"

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/07/2017 20:30

Poverty

If I kept my dds parties to just family members that the three of us wanted to invite, that would just leave dh, dd and me. My dd is older so she invites her friends. But you get the point? We don't all have families like the waltons.

paxillin · 30/07/2017 20:32

Invite both A and B. If they get crotchety, put them down for a nap.

PovertyJetset · 30/07/2017 22:56

beep true, but why risk the drama?

mummyofdragons my dad died, I'm NC with my brother and live in a different country from my mum. It's not big Walton get together here.

I may have misread but the party sounds like a sweet low key family affair, why make it more complicated than that?

BackforGood · 30/07/2017 23:40

I'm with Poverty - just stick to wider family, and have the tea party and some candles, maybe balloons.
If they want to behave in this way (I'm not going to say 'like children' as I think most dc are more likely to just get on with life), then they can hardly be upset by not being invited to something. If you invite one not the other you are taking sides, if you invite them both then there will be an atmosphere, so invite neither.

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