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Bisexual-what to do

15 replies

Resu88 · 30/07/2017 19:01

Only posting for traffic...

I'm very happy with my current (opposite sex) partner, feel attraction and we're best friends. The problem is I'm very attracted to people of my own sex and no one else of the opposite sex

Not sure what I'm actually asking for here, just trying to mull things over, do you think my current relationship will work or am I lying to myself? Really would appreciate some outside opinions

OP posts:

sooperdooper · 30/07/2017 19:04

If you're happy with and faithful to your partner it's irrelevant whether or not you're also attracted to people the same sex as you


steff13 · 30/07/2017 19:06

I agree with Sooper. I am married to a man. That doesn't stop me being attracted to other men, but I don't act on it.


x2boys · 30/07/2017 19:09

If you love your partner I don't know what the issue is no relationship is guaranteed if you split up than you might get into a relationship with either a male or female? Or are you trying to say your partner doesn't fullfill your needs?


Liadain · 30/07/2017 19:13

If you're happy with your current partner, attracted, enjoy having sex and see a future, it doesn't really matter surely. It's natural to see attractive people when in a relationship, just don't act on it. Dun really matter what kind of dangly bits they have.

Is it that you think you'd like to explore these feelings?


IStoleDipsysHat · 30/07/2017 19:29

You are attracted to this person because of qualities beyond their genitalia. You may stick with this person because they are right for you. You may end up with another person with the same genitalia as you but that won't be the main reason why you are with them. You will be with them for the other qualities they possess.
The whole package is what makes for a long term relationship instead of a fling, not just what genitalia somebody has.


luckylucky24 · 30/07/2017 19:34

I know of a same sex couple where one of them is insistent she is not lesbian, she just fell in love with a girl. She is not attractive to any other girls.
I don't think it means anything.


AnyFucker · 30/07/2017 19:36

What are you asking ?

Is it ok to explore same sex shagging when in a monogamous relationship ?

No, it isn't


Resu88 · 30/07/2017 19:46

I didn't say I wanted to sleep with someone other than my partner, I only asked if I was lying to myself by being in this relationship.. thanks for everyone's opinions

OP posts:

Trills · 30/07/2017 19:52

If you are attracted to your partner than you are not lying to yourself or to anyone else.

Why would you think you were?

Have you been told that people are "normally" only attracted to either men or women, and so your attraction for other people is making you doubt your attraction to your partner?


CabbagesOnFire · 30/07/2017 21:07

Resu88, I am exactly the same. I am in a long-term relationship with a man but I have feelings for women and am attracted to women. He knows it. He is even ok with me exploring that side of myself but because we are monogamous I choose not to and it just remains part of who I am. Every now and then, every 4-5 years or so, I wonder whether I would be happier with a woman but every time I go out on the gay scene, or go on gay dating websites, I just don't meet anyone I want to be with, and so I choose, not without difficulty, but nevertheless, choose to stay with him.
I came out as gay in my early 20s but for whatever reason went back in again. If I could choose, I would choose to be gay, but I'm not, I'm bi, and so among the people I'm not having a relationship with, are women.
But I understand the magnetic pull of the other side of yourself, the feeling that you are not being true, are missing out somehow. But I think it's just about accepting that as part of who you are.


DixieFlatline · 30/07/2017 21:15

The problem is I'm very attracted to people of my own sex and no one else of the opposite sex

I only asked if I was lying to myself by being in this relationship

Is your question actually whether you're a lesbian rather than bi, then, and what to do about not being sure whether that is the case?

I am bi, but similar to what a PP has stated, I am in a monogamous relationship and I am no more interested in going and finding a woman than I am in going and finding a man that isn't my DH. If DH and I should break up and I move on, I could well end up with a woman, but that is irrelevant to me right now.

If you are worried that you're somehow kidding yourself, I would suggest finding some sort of counselling to help you explore the issue, if possible.


brasty · 30/07/2017 21:16

Only you know if you are really a lesbian, or if you are bi and happy in your current relationship. Everyone in a long term monogamous relationship fancies other people. If you are happy in your relationship, it doesn't matter.


hellejuice91 · 30/07/2017 21:57

I am bi and have been with my husband for a number of years. Every bi person is different but I find if I love someone (like I do my Husband) even though I may be attractive to women/other men I would never act on it and I am perfectly happy with my husband.

If the relationship doesn't work, it won't because it wasn't right, not because if your sexuality.

If you love him and fancy him, give it a chance it may work after all


Resu88 · 30/07/2017 22:20

Thank you to the last few PP's, it's comforting to know people out there feel the same way and make it work for them. I love my partner and I'm happy in the relationship, I think my own confusion about my sexuality is just making me panic.

OP posts:

Sashkin · 30/07/2017 22:23

I think it's pretty normal for bisexual people in a monogamous relationship to lust after the gender they AREN'T with - currently my man-needs are being fulfilled by my husband, so obviously I spend more time thinking about attractive women.

When I am in a relationship with a woman I have the opposite situation - I miss sex with men. For me, that was how I knew I was properly bisexual and not just rubbish at being a lesbian.

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