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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be thinking of moving out of my parents house?

21 replies

PrincessyDoll · 30/07/2017 18:50

So.. I'm 22 years old and still live at home with my parents and my 14 year old brother. Myself and my boyfriend have been together 8 months and are inseparable. He is 20 and really isn't very close to his parents at all. He's been looking at getting a house and has asked me if I would be interested in moving in together at some point.. to which I said I would love to.

I'm starting to feel as though I'm overstaying my welcome a little bit at home (even though my parents would be mortified if they knew I felt this).. just little things like having 2 showers a day then being told when I go for my evening shower "for gods sake are you in there AGAIN?? You're always in my shower".. I almost feel bad for using the shower lol. Myself and my boyfriend are very close and we share everything .. I stay at his house every weekend but I would never ever be allowed to have him here to stay. My mam reckons it's "disrespectful" which I kind of understand but I'm 22, not 14. And I can't live like this indefinitely, I want to be with my boyfriend and have the little privileges of going to sleep and waking up next to him, and just enjoying each other's company every day. I've always been told that I will always be welcome in my house no matter what, but I'm starting to feel a little bit suffocated and I'm often put down by my mother in particular. I get told "I pity the person who ends up living with you, you're horrible" or "no one could live with you, you're messy and disgusting" and this makes me feel shit. I have loving parents but there's a lot of things that have been said and done to me in my childhood/teenage years that make me very sad and resentful.

Me and my boyfriend both work full time and have a stable income. How will I ever know if I'm ready to move out?? I'm one of these people who is always afraid to take the plunge and can find change very depressing and unsettling. I can't talk about this with my parents... yet. So I just want to know what is the norm and what would your advice be?

OP posts:

KoalaDownUnder · 30/07/2017 18:52

I moved out at 17 (had to - university too far away). I would have lost my marbles living at home until 22. My dad was exactly like yours re: showers, etc.

Just do it!!!

Leeds2 · 30/07/2017 18:53

Go for it! It sounds like you are ready to move out.

If things were to go badly with your boyfriend, would you be able to afford to rent by yourself, or would your parents welcome you back?

SpartacusSaiman · 30/07/2017 18:54

I bought a house and dh moved in with me at 19. We had been together around a year.

I cant say i ever remember knowing it was the 'right thing' and wanted to, could afford it and so did.

Is it rented? Will you be joint tenants?

Work out all the money side first. Such as will you pay equal amounts? Do you earn similar? Will the higher earner pay more?

Its best to work that all out before you start looking.

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 30/07/2017 18:55

You sound ready to me!

Couchpotato3 · 30/07/2017 18:56

I'd say go for it, move out and give it a try. If it doesn't work out, no big deal, you can either move home again or find another place on your own or with a friend. It's a perfectly normal thing to do.

Do you pay rent or contribute to the expenses in your parents' house? If not, that may be why you are getting comments about taking showers etc. It may be worth having a conversation about that side of things with your parents if you decide to stay, but it sounds as though you are more than ready to move!

BendydickCuminsnatch · 30/07/2017 18:56

Don't see why this would ever be unreasonable? Sounds like it's overdue I'd say :) You have a full time job so should be able to afford rent with your DP - do it! You'll have a ball and I bet your relationship with your parents will improve too.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/07/2017 18:57

I left home at 18 and would have before given half a chance. But I left under my own steam. I get why you think moving in with you BF is a great idea, I do. But living alone or with roommates is a good experience. Could you afford your own place?

LottieDoubtie · 30/07/2017 18:57

If you can afford to live independently if it all goes tits up with BF I would do it tomorrow!

By your age I'd been living independently for 4 years and would have been climbing the walls at home.

Beebee7 · 30/07/2017 18:58

Yeah leave!!! You and your B/F sound ready, and it's not like you're planning marriage and babies. Leave that at LEAST another 3 or 4 years!

Good luck.

Mammylamb · 30/07/2017 18:58

It sounds like it's the right time for you to move out! Good luck !

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 30/07/2017 18:59

I moved in with my now dh when I was 21 that's was in the 80's so a long time ago Go for it.
My 23year ld is moving out next month with his girlfriend and we are all happy for him

Original poster

PrincessyDoll · 30/07/2017 18:59

I know my parents would welcome me back if things didn't work out. I am the higher earner out of us both but he has considerable savings, whereas I do not.

We are looking at renting initially. I do pay my parents board every month and have done since I've had a proper salary but I still feel as though I have less right to be there

OP posts:

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 30/07/2017 18:59

23 year old not ld

Eifla · 30/07/2017 19:01

Why would it ever be unreasonable to move out at 22?

I left home to live alone at 21 - would have probably gone sooner but wanted to wait for a flat I loved. No issues at all with my parents, just needed that space and independence.

RebootYourEngine · 30/07/2017 19:03

Have you looked at places to rent/buy? Could you be able to afford that and all the bills especially if things between you and your bf dont work out.

I moved in with my now exh at 17, a few years later i ended up back at my parents with a young baby in tow.

starfishmummy · 30/07/2017 19:04

I think that asnyou clearlyndont like the "rules" that the people who own the house have, then yes, you should move out

Chattymummyhere · 30/07/2017 20:09

You can move out when ever you want. I left at 17 to move with my fiancé and have a baby. Couldn't imagine still living at home in my 20's someone would of proberly got murdered.

Original poster

PrincessyDoll · 30/07/2017 20:31

Thank you everyone for your responses! I don't know what I'm feeling so guilty about. I feel as though I would be abandoning my parents and it makes me feel terrible. But the truth is I'm starting to feel increasingly tired of living at home. I want my own space, me and my boyfriend want our own space without having to worry about other people being around. I don't know why I still feel like a 15 year old sometimes it's weird.

We have been looking at some places and need to find the time to go and visit, and discuss renting etc with an advisor. I go on holiday (with family! ) on Friday so it will have to be when I'm back.

OP posts:

DixieFlatline · 30/07/2017 21:06

I don't know why I still feel like a 15 year old sometimes it's weird.

You have a 14-year-old brother, it's not that weird. However, that doesn't mean you have to enjoy being treated as though you're the same age as him, or feel bad about wanting to feel like an adult and be treated like one.

I do think you should be prepared for an eight-month relationship with a 20-year-old to not last all that long. Chances are, it won't. Chances are, you're ultimately not right for each other. But as long as you don't get stuck hanging onto a relationship or tolerating crap because you're locked into a tenancy, or embarrassed to move back home, it should be a positive experience.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 30/07/2017 21:15

I don't know why I still feel like a 15 year old sometimes it's weird

It's because you still live at home, silly! I am 27, moved in with no-DH 9 years ago, and whenever I go to stay with my parents I STILL end up feeling like a teenager! It's just a thing.

Go and make your new home lovely and be freeeee

BendydickCuminsnatch · 30/07/2017 21:16

*now-DH. Plus, bold fail. Bedtime I think

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