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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go part time

59 replies

Depressedanduseless · 30/07/2017 17:08

I work full time in a really stressful job, earning 30k.

I have a 4 year old DS, who is due to start school in sept, so childcare costs will go down.

DP earns much less - £23k.

We've just bought a house - mortgage 638 pm.

I have talked to my boss about dropping to 30 hours per week, very affordable. He says no. I can either drop to 18.5 or I have to do full time.

I also receive £200 per month in maintenance from exH.

We could just about manage if I was doing 18.5, and I mean just about. This includes paying of a small amount of debt (3k) at £150 per month. There would be no treats, nothing for savings. But I've been a single parent and this would be the same income as when I was on my own...

We would not be entitled to any tax credits or things.

I am so, so stressed. I want to be there for my little boy. I hate working full time.

BUT we would like to have another baby in the next couple of years, so is it just a terrible time??

AIBU to think we could make it work?

OP posts:
dudsville · 30/07/2017 17:25

You can ask hr what your salary would be, also because any pension contributions might go down.

SpartacusSaiman · 30/07/2017 17:26

But you wouldn't be on half pay for half your hours.

Yes you are right. I could be bother led to do the exact maths. Grin

Its still a massive drop to save £200 per month.

Op is obviously really hard for you. But it will be realky hard having no spare money. trying to have another baby with no spare will really increase the stress.

Xmasbaby11 · 30/07/2017 17:26

It's not a good time to go pt. Your ds will be at school anyway so you wouldn't get much more time with him. If you're planning another baby, I'd wait til then and return pt. Or find another job in the meantime.

I sympathise. My dh is a social worker and he's always overworked and stressed, but nothing else he wants to do.

GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 30/07/2017 17:27

Ah as you are a social worker, are you able to look at working for a different county? Who might be able to facilitate less hours? (obviously not a great option if that means hours of extra travel but depends where you live)

Mumteadumpty · 30/07/2017 17:32

What childcare would you be using after school and holidays? If for example your DS will continue to go to the same familiar child minder, then you might feel OK to defer the decision for now, and save the extra money to pay off the debt quickly with the extra £400 per month.

Reducing your hours would definitely help you feel less stressed over the 13 weeks of school holidays.

letsmargaritatime · 30/07/2017 17:34

Working part time was miserable and thankless for me, and many others I know. For years i wanted to go part time, but when I finally did It was like I wasn't really succeeding at anything. Workload barely changed, I was moaned at for not answering emails sent on my non working days. Because I was part time work kicked up merry hell if I needed time off for school plays etc, when full time i took them as toil. But they thought everything should fit into my days off!

DH did far less than when I was FT, so I was responsible for all the domestic stuff, it was as if he thought I suddenly had far more hours than the twelve I dropped from work! DC never seemed to remember all the things I went to, just the stuff I couldn't make. My salary dropped yet I felt just as tired and overworked as before. The only thing I loved was picking them up from school myself two days a week. That was lovely. But I've negotiated that anyway by working longer on the other three days.

Not saying this will be you, but think about it!

Groupie123 · 30/07/2017 17:42

I think as you are the higher earner you owe it to your family to stay f/t and if anything it's your dh who should go p/t to do the housework etc if required. If you're stressed then get therapy or help from work to help you manage your workload. Like it or not you are the breadwinner in your family and you must behave responsibly.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 30/07/2017 17:53

With one child who will be at school, a partner to share the load and a cleaner I'd look at visiting a doctor if working full time is too much for you.

Your child will be at school anyway for thirty hours so there will be very few hours apart after that anyway.

It won't be fun if there is no spare money for treats and your partner may resent you working less now he's moved in with his income.

TheNightmanCometh · 30/07/2017 17:57

OP can I ask why you'd barely be managing if you went PT? It's just you say your mortgage and childcare costs would be pretty low, so I am wondering if you're overpaying elsewhere?

Assuming you both have student loans and say 4% pension contributions, 23k after tax is £1458 and 15k after tax is £1073. So along with child benefit and £200 maintenance, that's just over 2.8k per month. If you'd only have a £638 mortgage, no childcare costs and £150 of debt, that seems like it should be very affordable. Which leaves me wondering if you have very high bills and you're overpaying elsewhere? Forgive me if I'm being intrusive, I just wonder if there's something you're missing that might be fixable in order for the sums to add up?

bigredboat · 30/07/2017 18:14

Could you drop to 18.5 hours but pick up ooh's or hospital discharge cover? Even a couple of times a month should make a difference.

Or just have a baby now and go 18.5 hours when you come back?

WineGummyBear · 30/07/2017 18:16

If you are stressed and it's not transient then part time may be the sustainable option.

50% salary gives more than half net as you pay more tax on the top bit.

All the best OP.

Original poster
Depressedanduseless · 30/07/2017 18:49

rainbows

I am on Prozac, the doctor is aware.
I've had counselling for 6 months.
The relationship with DS's Dad was abusive, I have suffered with PTSD since, although it is better.

Also, I'm not 'going part time now DP has moved in with his income'... we've been living together for 2 years

OP posts:
feral · 30/07/2017 19:00

OP how are you planning to work the 18.5? Spread over 5 days or 2.5 a week?

I ask because I'm doing the exact same with my DS going to school in September. Only I'm dropping from 3 days a week and will be better off as no nursery fees covers the pay drop.

I'm doing the hours 3 days one week and 2 the next. DS will go to breakfast club and grandma and friend will cover the other.

Working the hours over 5 days would feel like full time as commute/guilt would add to the day.

Also in SW so understand your motives.

Original poster
Depressedanduseless · 30/07/2017 19:18

feral
DS is collected by his dad on a weds and comes home at 6:30 so I was thinking 9-3 Mon, 9-3 Tues, 8.30-6 weds? Something like that

OP posts:
gandalf456 · 30/07/2017 19:39

Have you asked your boss why doing either 18 or full time but not 30 is better? It sounds as if he's pushing you into a corner knowing full well 18 hours would be trickier so you just go back and say you'll stay full time. Is there anyone else you can talk to? Hr? His superior ? Or is his decision final?

Usernamegone · 30/07/2017 20:03

Could you stay FT until Christmas and pay off the debt and the go PT in the New Year? How soon are you thinking about having another baby? If you went on mat leave the first 6 weeks of SMP would be at 90% of your average pay which would be lower if you were PT. Also if you get enhanced maternity pay that is normally X % of your normal pay and I would suggest you check you employers mat policy to find out how going PT would affect your mat pay (since you said you would like another child)

Original poster
Depressedanduseless · 30/07/2017 20:18

gandalf

He says because 30 hours means he's down a social worker 1 day per week and he can't hire somebody for one day per week. I suggested 25 and he says the same - he can't hire someone for 12.5 hours.

He actually did allow me to work 30 hours for 6 months last year when I was going through a really tough time with ExH, but he was always very clear that this was temporary only. He only agreed the temporary reduction because I told him I would be signed off or leave if he didn't. The stupid thing is that I took on the same caseload at 30 hours as I do at 37.5!

He says that the only part time option is 18.5 because then he can advertise a job share or similar.

OP posts:
Original poster
Depressedanduseless · 30/07/2017 20:19

Username I think I will stay as I am until xmas, pay off Debt at £500 per month (childcare saving) so debt free ish by xmas.
Then we can re-evaluate in january.

OP posts:
feral · 30/07/2017 20:27

It is shortsighted of your boss because as you say, he got a full workload out of you for less money!

MrsPorth · 30/07/2017 20:39

Do it OP. For the sake of your health.

gandalf456 · 30/07/2017 22:02

I see. But you have a fair bit to lose. What's stressing you? Is it the job or the juggle between that and the child? If yhe latter, could dh do more? As someone said, it would make more sense him going pt if poss

ghanchi · 30/07/2017 22:32

Currently, many single parents choose to be self-employed and work 16 hours per week in order to claim Working Tax Credit to top up their earnings, regardless of how much they actually earn. This will no longer be possible, meaning that many single parent home educators will need to seek employment or give up home educating if they are unable to make their business profitable enough.

From April 2015, self-employed people will have to prove that their self-employment is genuine and effective if they earn less than the equivalent of national minimum wage for 24 hours per week. Failing to do so could presumably result in the loss or reduction of Working Tax Credits, although there is very little information available yet about how this will be implemented. This change is separate to Universal Credit.

HiJenny35 · 31/07/2017 01:18

I wouldn't drop your hours before trying for another baby, if your work is like mine your maternity pay will be linked to your house so you'll loose lots of money by dropping. Try to get pregnant now, stay full time till the birth and return for a fe months after the birth and then reduce your hours (or change to another job with less hours)

Dashper · 31/07/2017 06:45

Can you change specialism? Would that help?

TheSparrowhawk · 31/07/2017 07:18

If your mental health is in danger (and it sounds like it might be) then I would definitely say go pt. No amount of money is worth a breakdown.