AIBU? Bit long because there's a backstory.
Me and OH were invited to a (evening only) wedding in November. The bride and groom are not really friends, more acquaintances. OH is good friends with the grooms brother and family (their mums are friends and they all grew up together) but neither of us have ever got on brilliantly with the B&G, in fact the B is totally obnoxious and both me and OH can only tolerate her in small doses and the G can also be challenging but overall is a decent enough bloke.
Backstory is we were invited to their child's first birthday party a few years ago and couldn't go, because we had our own family event to go to at the same time. We'd never met this child, and to this day still haven't. We declined the invitation politely and in good time. When we next saw them (months later as I said we don't socialise with them and were surprised to even be invited) the B went mad, told us we were really rude for not coming and generally acted like an idiot. I'm afraid that I bit, and after nicely explaining several times that we weren't rude and that we weren't actually able to make it (which she already knew) I ended up having a bit of a go at her. This culminated in OH and me having a row later that night because he just stood back and let her speak to me like crap, didn't say a word and it pissed me off massively. Later, he did go round their house to have it out with them and the next time we saw them, at someone else's party, the G sincerely apologised to us both. Fair enough, no grudges held.
Fast forward a few years and they decide to get married, in the interim we've had DD. We weren't originally invited to the wedding but OH went to meet his friends on a night out and when he called to meet up they were all at B&Gs house having a few drinks. He went there and got chatting to the G, and a few weeks later we received an evening invite. The wedding is an hour and a halfs drive away, in a £250 a night hotel. We don't really have that kind of spare cash, it means a night away and finding childcare for DD (shes a baby, only ever stays overnight with DM or MIL and they are both busy). I wasn't fussed about going and though OH did say it'd be nice to go and he'd like to, we agreed not to though it was mostly me saying no. He did say that he could drive and not drink, but we still needed a late babysitter and all in all it seemed too much effort and expense (it's a v expensive hotel) for something I really wasn't keen on going to anyway. I politely declined the invitation, sent our congratulations and best wishes and explained - because I'd rather be nice then say 'I don't want to go to that much effort for you thanks' we couldn't afford to come. I'd planned to send a card with a gift even though we weren't going.
OH went out last night to a party of Gs family member. I stayed home with DD. He said that B&G (mostly B) gave him a massively hard time about us declining he invite, really had a go at him all night. He's been in a foul mood all day because he says he needed to lie (it's not a lie really, more of a stretched truth) about why we couldn't go, that he said all along he'd drive to enable us to go and that I've been really unreasonable saying we can't go! He wasn't that bothered before last night! I've tried to explain to him that real friends wouldn't treat him like that, if someone told me they couldn't afford to come to my wedding I'd maybe be disappointed but I wouldn't berate them publicly. Also, that we were invited, not summonsed. He says because I wasn't there, he had to 'take the fall' for my decision not to go and that now future social occasions with the family (these are rare) will be awkward due to the fact that we aren't going and they are upset.
AIBU to think these people are total dicks, and that OH needs to man up a bit and just tell them to do one? I've told him I'm happy to call/see them myself and tell them but he says this will make the situation worse. It's put me in mind of a kid whose friends are being mean to him because he won't do what they want and it infuriates me - he's a 37 year old man for heavens sake! I wish I'd have been there to deal with it myself.