To not want to go on dates with men that involve driving /travelling more than 20 minutes?

[lottieandmia]

In the past I've been so easily manipulated. I used to be someone who was actually afraid to be alone. So I put up with all kinds of shit.

Now the tables have turned. I've learned after a number of abusive relationships that being alone is not only fine but that I LIKE living alone with and focussing only on my daughters.

Anyway - I've come across people who expect me to travel for up to 4 hours to see them. And I just can't be bothered with it. The last person when I said I didn't want to be getting a train and doing 3 changes offered to pick me up and drive me back and I said no I'm sorry I don't want to. He went in a big huff with me. I don't want to be with someone that badly that I have to take a huge chunk out of my weekend.

What's the furthest you would be prepared to go?

An hour tops with good transport links or withing an hour driving, Usually in early days half way point or nearest city is the norm for me.
Wouldn't waste my time with any longer than that as could be alot of effort wasted for nothing good.

At the moment I don't have the energy to engage with any form of dating so st the moment Nil effort required

20 minutes is unreasonable- it took me that to get to the city centre from a few miles out

3 hours yanbu

Yes I agree. What concerns me is why someone would want to be dating someone who is so far away too 🤷‍♀️

20 mins would barely get me to my nearest nice pub. I probably be happy with travelling 45 mins.

It depends where you live

20 minutes really isn't far, especially if you don't drive (you mentioned difficult public transport).

If you don't want to date then you don't have to date at all

I wouldn't be in town in 20 minutes 😂

YANBU - you can lay down whatever criteria you like! But, obviously, it will rule out a lot of potentially nice men. But that's ok if you don't mind that.

Well it would seem reasonably pointless to date someone long distance (I.e 2, 3, 4 hours) because if you hit it off it's a relationship difficult to maintain.

But 20 minutes is unreasonable. If you want really local to you your best bet is to walk into your local pub/newsagents and shout "anyone for a date?".

Ok fair enough. I guess up to an hour is ok certainly to drive. I have AS so the prospect of getting on and off trains and changing etc worries me.

20mins is ridiculous for online dating. If you want someone that local your best bet is local speeding dating things or going to the local & chatting someone up. Online dating is for people who have already scoped the doorstep scene, found it wanting, and so are willing to compromise a little. An hour is reasonable (it's probably sheffield to leeds on the bus, for example, or one end of London/Birmingham/Manchester to another.

Well tbh the incidences I'm referring to weren't online people but guys who I know from school or college wanting to get in touch.

It depends entirely on where you live; 20 minutes drive through a town or city will be home to more available men that 20 minutes around the countryside. Also it depends on how enthusiastic you are about travelling. Personally I can't be bothered to drive more than 30 minutes, especially if I hit it off with someone and that journey became frequent.

I wouldn't be traipsing all over the place for someone you don't know, especially on public transport. You could get stuck. In the days of yore when I was dating (i.e. the 90s up to 2001) they would always pick you up and take you home, but maybe that's not advisable with people from the internet?

If he's the one, he's the one. Many years ago my husband used to ride a bicycle 28 miles come rain, sleet or snow to see me at weekends. He was so excited when he finally bought a moped. I've certainly driven from home on the south coast to Birmingham several times for a surprise night out with my husband.
If you're not prepared to make an effort why would they?

Crumbs point taken but 28 miles is nothing like the amount of miles suggested by the people I'm referring to.

It's entirely your choice...like some people on here I would have to extend it to an hour as we are not in the city.

I used to go out with a group of girls and we would have the odd night out in other towns...two of the girls refused to come as 'there would be no point in meeting people not from their town'

Well going out with friends I would travel further clearly. But that's for someone who you know isn't going to use you.

I think you're completely reasonable for setting boundaries

It's also hard enough to have a long distance relationship and even more difficult if it starts that way

Yeah 20 minutes is too strict OP. Maybe 45... But still the guy who went arsey for you not wanting to travel 4 hours. Fuck him. You dodged a bullet there!

Good luck. Hope you meet someone soon - close to home.

My dh was about 40 mins and 25 miles down a dual carriageway
He was worth going that extra mile for 😂

I'd say half way, and no more than 30 min, with good transport at reasonable times.

I think it totally depends on the person. Dh had to get two trains into the city to meet up and we had to leave each date at 10pm as that was when his last train back was (neither of us drove then). I think if you have any inkling the person might be "the one" then it's worth going for.

Depends where you live. I usually drag a man out to near here to a local cafe first time or if I'm not busy then we would meet in London which realistically does take me up to an hour door to door and then just meet for an hour - even that is 3 hours and never meet until you've spoken on the telephone in case they sound dreadful.

My dH had a 30 mile limit. We met at an online dating group meet. 16 weeks later he moved 200 miles to move in with me and we married the following year. Been together 10 years now.