Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Panic attack - not right place need someone to respond.

23 replies

BearAusten · 30/07/2017 11:04

My father-in-law appears to have had a stroke. He also has terminal cancer. My dh has consequently gone around to see what has happened. I lost both parents some time ago (cancer/heart attack). It has brought it all back and I am starting to struggle with anxiety and panic attacks. I need help to be strong for dh and dc. I cannot come down at the moment. I posted in Chat wrong place?

OP posts:
MrsOverTheRoad · 30/07/2017 11:10

Oh Bear Flowers it's very hard I know. My own FIL's illness has caused me to feel very sad and upset too.

Make yourself a cup of tea and come back to chat.

Is there anyone else in your house? Any kids?

Original poster
BearAusten · 30/07/2017 11:11

My dc are watching tv in the same room. I keep just wanting to cry.

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 30/07/2017 11:11

Im here. Take a couple of deep breaths and make yourself a cup of tea. Do you have any little jobs you can do to take your mind off things. I find keeping busy is often the best way to stop my brain spiraling.

vikingprincess81 · 30/07/2017 11:15

We're here for you sweetie - keep breathing. Breathe in for 4, breathe our for 8, you're ok, just keep breathing.
In for 4, out for 8, and repeat.
You're ok, keep talking to us Flowers

Original poster
BearAusten · 30/07/2017 11:15

I feel guilt about only just holding it together. I am worried that I am going to cry in front of dh. It feels I cannot move. I never processed my mother's death.

OP posts:
vikingprincess81 · 30/07/2017 11:15

If you need to cry, you can cry, that's ok. Just be gentle on yourself

vikingprincess81 · 30/07/2017 11:18

Long term you'll need some help, but that's for another day. Just focus on what you need to do to get through today. Your dcs will be ok if you do cry - you're allowed to be upset

Original poster
BearAusten · 30/07/2017 11:21

The problem is not fair on dh or dc to cry. It really is selfish. I feel it is important not to talk to dh about this because of what he must be feeling. I don't know what to expect. I keep (there is so many I s) thinking stupid thoughts .... watched a film the other day that I had watched since the night before my df died. (Daft - Prince Caspian - the theme song affects me even now. But dc I had enjoyed the first one.) My mind is going around at around - at least I touch type.

OP posts:
vikingprincess81 · 30/07/2017 11:26

Oh sweetheart, what about if dc or dh was upset - you'd comfort them. That's what family is for.
Your mind will be racing, that's natural, remember to breathe.
It's ok to be upset though, no one will judge you for it - you sound like you've had a crap time lately, you poor thing

vikingprincess81 · 30/07/2017 11:27

Talk to dh - you can get each other through it - he'll want to support you through this

tralaaa · 30/07/2017 11:32

Crying isn't selfish it's a release you will be okay. Your a family you can all pull together and comfort each other, have a cup of tea and be kind to yourself

Original poster
BearAusten · 30/07/2017 11:33

My mum died ten years ago. The problem was there was no funeral because my df didn't want one. I presume I thought he could cope. At that time he had only just got out of hospital (long stay).

I have tried Cruise and counselling. Neither worked. I seem okay for a time then I fold like a pack of cards. I am coming down now. I posted on Chat as well - typing is giving my brain something to do.

I really can not talk to dh. It is not fair to do that. That is why I am posting. He knows how tough it has been with my family.

OP posts:
vikingprincess81 · 30/07/2017 11:35

www.nopanic.org.uk/helpline-volunteering/
Im going to post some helplines for you OP - if you can't talk to family maybe a stranger would be easier?
breathingspace.scot/
www.supportline.org.uk/problems/anxiety.php
www.samaritans.org/
Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Original poster
BearAusten · 30/07/2017 11:36

Does anyone know what to expect with a stroke and an aggressive terminal cancer? Should I be expecting him to pass away soon? I want to feel in control and know what to expect.

OP posts:
Original poster
BearAusten · 30/07/2017 11:37

Thank you for vikingprincess for those helplines. I will take a note of them.

OP posts:
Haudyerwheesht · 30/07/2017 11:39

I don't have any advice other than to ride the wave of panic and know it will pass.

My FiL was diagnosed with cancer 2 weeks after my dad died and died almost exactly a year later. It's been tough tbh but I've got through it and so has dh and kids. It would've freaked me out if you'd told me in advance how it was going to pan out but in the rush of it all we got through it. Hope that makes some sense? Try not to worry and panic about what's to come and what you think you SHOULD be feeling. Just accept what you are feeling and that that's ok.

Original poster
BearAusten · 30/07/2017 11:43

Haudyerwheesht sorry to ask you or anyone, did you take dc to the hospital/hospice? My dc is still quite young. He takes things on and thinks, quite sensitive about things.

OP posts:
Original poster
BearAusten · 30/07/2017 11:45

Haudyerwheesht sorry to hear that happened with your df and FIL. It is terrible when it happens like that.

OP posts:
TJ2503 · 30/07/2017 11:47

BearAusten

With what to expect from a stroke - this heavily depends on the size and location of the stroke. In the coming hours/days what normally happens is the team will work to stabilise him, they may do repeat CT scans, monitor his blood sugars, he may be fed through an NG tube if his swallow is thought to be compromised and therefore unsafe to take food orally. He should be assessed by a team of therapists and then if he is stable hopefully seated out of bed for short periods of time. And then his rehab begins where he should be treated by a team of therapists focusing on what he is having difficulty with.
However every stroke is different but that is usually the normal cause of action for an acute stroke.

I cannot comment on unfortunately on how the cancer may impact on things.

Sending lots of hugs

Original poster
BearAusten · 30/07/2017 11:50

Thank you TJ2503. That is what I wanted to know. I am going to give myself another ten minutes then getting going. I feel a lot calmer. (Probably last until bed time now)

OP posts:
TeenAndTween · 30/07/2017 11:53

It really is OK to cry.
It is OK for your DC to see you cry, it is a normal healthy reaction.
Once you have had a good cry you may actually feel stronger. Your DCs will see you crying because you are sad and worried and upset, and then they will see you pick yourself up and cope.

TJ2503 · 30/07/2017 11:54

No worries BearAusten - pm me if you have any further specific questions about anything

Hugs

Original poster
BearAusten · 30/07/2017 12:02

Sorry to hear about your own FIL's illness MrsOvertheroad.

Hugs (Seems very strange to say that online)

Lunch.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page