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Have I messed up?

23 replies

PamplemousseRouge · 30/07/2017 02:40

How do I do this??

All I want to do is just make my parents proud of me and to go into a secure career that I enjoy and get fulfilment from. Seems so impossible. Feel so low.

OP posts:

Ceebs85 · 30/07/2017 02:46

What do you do now? How old are you? What do you want for yourself?


LEMtheoriginal · 30/07/2017 02:48

I'm awake and frantic with worry about my mum's cat who I had to assist with emergency surgery this evening. So can hold your hand.
As the mum of a dd who is unable to work due to mental health issues - I can tell you that I am so proud of my dd for just putting one foot in front of the other. She is a beautiful person - yes I want her to get more out of life. She is extremely talented and creative but one day when she is the mean time I LOVE her no matter what


ClarkyMcClarkason · 30/07/2017 02:48

Work hard but for yourself, not for your parents or you'll fail. Your heart won't be in it.

  1. What field would you like to work in?

  2. What qualifications do you need?

  3. What qualifications do you have?

  4. What is the next (small) step?

JuneJuly · 30/07/2017 03:07

Hi PamplemousseRouge, I realise that you are obviously feeling pretty shit about yourself right now and you are looking for help & advice but just wondered why you have started a second thread about the same subject when you already have a 4 page thread ongoing that you have explained your issues on. Starting this new one will just require you to explain things all over again to a new set of people...?


PamplemousseRouge · 30/07/2017 03:16

Thanks for your replies everyone Flowers

LEM thanks Flowers I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum's cat - how are things looking? Well done to your DD as well for persevering when she has mental health difficulties - she sounds like an absolute credit to you Flowers

Ceebs I'm 25, and work as a tutor at the moment. I'd like to work in a full-time job, and ultimately, I'd love a job where I can help people and do good and make a positive contribution to society. Tried teaching but was absolutely awful - didn't work out.

I'd love to be in a job that involves writing and using languages, if possible (I have an Oxbridge Languages degree). I'd also like to be in a well-paid job (I know it's a bit taboo to mention it though). I just can't find something that is well-paid (I'm based in London) but that also helps people.

I was seriously looking at going into communications (embarrassingly, probably because it seems quite glamorous). It seems like utter bullshit though, and like it's just spin and doesn't help anyone or do anything constructive (just my personal opinion).

I'll start volunteering as a school governor from September (I'm really interested in education), and have registered my interest in volunteering with a Citizens' Advice Bureau. I've also started volunteering again at a hospital radio station, and with Girlguiding as a Brownie leader.

I've always wanted to go into journalism, but it seems like there are no jobs anymore. I worked unpaid in journalism every summer holiday at university (my parents were fantastic, and helped to support me), but couldn't afford a Master's qualification, and have heard it's not necessarily particularly useful. I can't afford to do anymore unpaid internships.

Clarky thanks Flowers

  1. I'd love to work in a (fairly well-paid?) job that genuinely helps people and contributes to society. I'm not sure which field. I tried teaching, but it was awful - I resigned from a teacher training course as it didn't suit my personality at all, and shattered my confidence. I was really ineffective and wouldnt have helped the students at all if I'd stayed any longer.
  2. Not sure whether I'd need any further qualifications.
  3. Have a French and a Spanish degree from Cambridge.
  4. I'm not sure :( I've looked into volunteering, and will start roles with Citizens Advice and Girlguiding, and as a school governor and with hospital radio. I would love a full-time paid job with good career progression.
OP posts:

PamplemousseRouge · 30/07/2017 03:19

June you're absolutely right. I realised that I'd have to explain myself sooner rather than later. I wanted to start this thread as I just don't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm so confused. I've been given help from everyone, and I just feel like I'm a burden and am giving nothing back. I'm so indecisive and confused, and it's making me so unhappy.

OP posts:

DriftingDreamer · 30/07/2017 03:27

Well you will have your hands full with all that volunteering. See how you go with doing so much as don't want to overwhelm yourself.
Don't panic. Also, it is fine to stand still and just reflect on what you are doing and what you might want to do. What is the rush?
Calm, calm....


inkzooka · 30/07/2017 03:30

If your parents aren't proud of you after a degree from CAMBRIDGE, they have an issue, not you!

You're doing amazing.


HerRoyalNotness · 30/07/2017 03:32

How about translating services?


hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 30/07/2017 04:08

Would International Aid work appeal to you?


Tatiannatomasina · 30/07/2017 04:21

Translator? Have a look at language line and see what opportunities there are. The police use them extensively, either over the phone, in person at the station taking a statement or conducting interviews. You would also be in demand here in Australia tutoring people wanting to improve their english to pass the ielts for their visas.


GirlcalledJames · 30/07/2017 04:59

Translation is not well paid and your language combination is very common.
Look into working at the UN or one of its agencies. It's work that has does good and is well paid.


Embarrassedatsoftplay · 30/07/2017 05:19

I work in marketing communications. Took me almost 5 years of working my way up jobs to get a job I like, started with shitty low paid copywriting jobs or jobs that had 50 then 70% marketing comms. Now looking for managerial positions. I'm 30, left uni after postgraduate study/part-time work in 2014 aged 27. I also worked in tutoring for a while to make ends meet.

So my advice based on my experience is to either build up a network at local networking events or go on entry level at a job you're not necessarily interested in but has parts you can develop and move into next job role.

Good luck!


Embarrassedatsoftplay · 30/07/2017 05:23

I do think your mindset needs to change. You're not a burden, you're 25 and figuring stuff out!! If you can get prof soon all career counselling (you don't know what job roles are out there, hey do!). If not look up online careers articles from places like The Pool and start writing positive things about yourself down!! Get skilled in soft skills e.g. Negotiation and report writing, managing difficult conversations. Plenty of resources online.


mylaptopismylapdog · 30/07/2017 05:30

Given you aim to help others, going into communication sounds like a good idea and good skills would boost your confidence, you don't have to stay in it.I would have thought that the primary skill needed to advocate for others is putting their case forward.As inzooka says if your parents aren't already pleased with your achievements I'd be surprised. I don't think how you feel is unusual as until you leave uni the stages are well laid out, you have time on your side so be patient with yourself.


kateandme · 30/07/2017 05:50

you need help with loving you hun.i think (sorry to say if you rebuff this observation) but that you wont actually be happy with anything.becasue like someone with depression they cant enjoy ones thing even the greatest joys of life because inside they don't feel good or happy enough. and this looks similar with you.that you cant get past how you feel bout yoursela nd ur achievements and its hindering you at every turn.
so whilst toher go find the things they enjoy your bombarding your head with other questions of is it good enough?am I good enough?how to help my parents?help other? you need to free your mind.let it all go then truly think hang on what would suit me.just me.and then go with that.
what if it didn't turn into loads of money. what if it was quirky or your parents thought wasn't quite to potential.who the f** would care if you yourself could say "but I love it!!" and "I'm happy with it o screw you all!""
then youll just can get through any views or looks or attitidues if you just happy being.simply being you.with all your wonderful flaws.
there are people happy cleaning,nursing policing,volunteering.all for far less money than they should.
there are people who work with the dying
who write
all so different and differently paid.some are happy some are not.the ones that are happy are the ones that are happy with themselves and can back up with the choices they make.
there could be someone chief who haaa stood in the top of the best most expnsive London tower block working the best paid job.he might not be happy.becasue he is not happy.
be who you want to be then youll pass by any judgment on yourself anf from other.youll get passed the pay and be able to go at it all full pelt.


Rhubarbtart9 · 30/07/2017 05:57

Private Speech therapist


napmeistergeneral · 30/07/2017 07:06

In the kindest sense, staying up all night posting will not help you. Being physically exhausted due to poor sleep hygiene will not help your confidence or your general wellbeing. I say this as someone who has also experienced anxiety and low self esteem.

You won't find the "killer" answer to your problems at 3am on the Internet. Which is not to say you won't get good advice, more that you need to make sure that you give yourself the best possible set up for starting to feel better and working towards your goals. Eat well, sleep well, exercise. Staying awake alone at night is the perfect environment for working yourself up into a state of extreme anxiety - please avoid it!


TheSnowFairy · 30/07/2017 07:42

You have started SO many threads on this and had an absolute ton of advice.

You are quite obviously academically intelligent but the fact you keep starting threads asking the same thing indicates you aren't taking on board all the advice you are being given.


BabsGanoush · 30/07/2017 08:16

What people are saying is you can't walk into the perfect job. You need to start at the bottom and build up your experience, networks and qualifications. Whilst doing this you will find your calling.


VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 30/07/2017 08:45

You're parents won't be doing the job though - you will. You cannot do things to please other people, you'll end resenting then for it and you'll be unhappy.

Have you looked at the Civil Service Jobs website? I had a training wage of £29k and on completion am now on £37k. In the South West of England.


junebirthdaygirl · 30/07/2017 09:27

Depression often comes out of that space between fantasy and reality. You have a fantasy of helping the world. Let it go..seriously. Help the person standing beside you on the train. Let them have your seat. You cant help the whole world.
Deal with reality. You are starting out on your career. You need to earn money. Stop fantasing about saving the world and take a regular job and do small bits and pieces to help someone during the week. You are wasting your life and gifts waiting for the ideal to come along. Work with whats in front of your eyes right now. And that way lies happiness.


winobaglady · 30/07/2017 10:08

Have you thought of civil service? Pay not great, but gets better I believe? In London there are so many branches, weather, office of national statics, intelligence agencies, treasury, as well as the usual ones like DWP, DVLA etc. They often have fast track programmes.
Good luck

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