FIL- antagonistic

[LovelyBath77]

He keeps picking fights with me. It's odd as was in the police for years, got quite high up- but he has this anti authority things going on. Always fighting with traffic wardens, that kind of thing. MIL is always woeful about something and tonight it was the CG case "that poor baby!" then he started going on about how there was a 'cover up' at the hospital and it would 'all come out' i think they read the DM. Anyway I started saying, well arguing against him but he won't listen and just gets worse, digs in. Then MIL tries to change the subject by pointing out a cute cat or something in the paper. This always happens the same. Or he will start on about the teachers at the DC school and going on about them- the usual one is about 'teachers should stick to teaching and leave parents to bring up their children' there are other themes as well.

It gets so wearing I try and avoid them now, or try and stick to un-confrontational subjects, but if I do he'll bring something up again! Argh

So, I guess AIBU in avoiding them, maybe I could be dealing with it better?

I agree with his sentiments! Is he just expressing his opinion or trying to negate yours?

you engage and argue back - that's the problem. Just nod indulgently and say "yes dear, I'm sure your right" with that look on your face with a little head tilt .....

haha, yes I should do that, in fact i think that's what MIL does (wise)

Then MIL tries to change the subject by pointing out a cute cat or something in the paper

She married him and has borne his children. She knows how to manage him better than you.

If she thinks looking at photos of a line up from the Sumpreme Cat Show will shut him, let her get on with it.

🤐🤐🤐

It isn't her than is the problem, though, it's him! Every time he visits he does this. It's like he's looking for a fight

perhaps he doesn't get it with mil so enjoys a row with you!

Join in with your MIL and point at cat pictures too. Or just say "do you think so?" Not worth taking him on. What does your DP/OH think? does he have problems with FIL too?

@HelenDee - read the post. He picks arguments and criticises. Whether you agree with his ideas about the sad case of the Gard baby or teachers teaching and families bringing up their children without relying on teachers .... it seems he's confrontational and upsetting and persistent in quarrelling.

I'd be concerned about his unhappiness and mental health and whether MIL was OK.

Yes DH gets it too (sigh) in fact they have nearly some to blows on unfortunate occasion. It is especially annoying when at a relaxing family meal. Poor MIL. Yes, I know.

I don't agree that you should just smile and nod. That allows people to think that they are right. I always challenge by FIL if he says something offensive. He needs to know it's not ok and that there are two sides to every story. I'm always polite, but I don't let him get away with it.

It reminds me of a medium chill method for dealing with difficult people. So you can say something like, yes I hear what you are saying. or change the subject. He questions you though, not easy. Getting on to other subjects can help, not easy at times.

Anyway I started saying, well arguing against him but he won't listen and just gets worse, digs in

Some people like to have a good debate, other people don't. Sounds like you like a good debate yourself, so I don't understand unless you don't like him having an opinion that you don't agree with