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To not take the kids swimming?

15 replies

NapQueen · 29/07/2017 14:20

Dh is off the summer, and I am not. He is with the kids mon to fri office hours and then we split everything else. We have a lie in each etc.

I was on a works night out last night, my second if the year, for a couple of people leaving. Arranged that I would have the lie in and dh would have tomorrow.

Dh had the kids up and out this morning, and I was up when they got back at lunchtime. Kids had been told by dh that they could go swimming this afternoon. They are 2 and 5. After lunch he asked if I would be coming too and I said no. I hate swimming and he knows, but I was shocked that he seemed cross I didnt want to come.

I asked just before they left if he was ok as he is very quiet. He is shattered; its been a long week.

I understand this. Ive done being at home with the two of them too. I asked him why he suggested swimming to them and why not just leave it as something to do tomorrow. If ther really wanted to go I would take them first thing tomorrow while he had his lie in. But no, theyve asked and he has said yes. And now is cross that Im not taking them, so that he can have some downtime.

Im hungover, though not to the point where I cant entertain my own kids, but am certainly not taking them off to the pool for the afternoon - I definetly dont feel clear headed for that.

Aibu to not have stepped in? Aibu to think that if he didnt want to take them then he shouldbt have offered? Or waited til he saw me and asked if I would do it, before offering?

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 29/07/2017 14:29

Surprised they will let him take both as our pool requires 1 adult to 1 child under age 4


NapQueen · 29/07/2017 14:31

Yeah its allowed, he takes them weekly.

OP posts:

NapQueen · 29/07/2017 14:31

And is 1:1 under 4. The other one is 5.

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 29/07/2017 14:33

Surely you need 2 adults then if its 1:1 under age 4 (one for the 2 year old and then another for the 5 year old)


ZuzaPa · 29/07/2017 14:34

I think YABU. If he's had them all week & you've had a lie in till lunch time, and now you get the afternoon to yourself. It didn't sound like he wanted you to take them, but join them. Its much easier / enjoyable doing things with children with other adult company/ help.


NapQueen · 29/07/2017 14:34

Our pool doesnt have the 1:1 under 4 rule. He takes them there every week and is allowed. My second post was to explain that he is the one adult to the one cjild under 4. The other child is 5.

Not that our pool has this restriction.

OP posts:

MrsOverTheRoad · 29/07/2017 14:35

That's beside the point isn't it Pixie?

Yanbu OP.


NapQueen · 29/07/2017 14:37

Zuza I would have happily taken the dcs out of his hair for the remainder of the day. He could have gone and done whatever he wanted. Alone. Or come with us. But he knows I do not like swimming and he suggested to them to go before he even saw me. If he wanted to he could have just not said anything to them, handed them over to me abd gone to bed or whatever.

Its the fact that he has promised them something specific to do this afternoon without my involvement, and I do not want to do it. I dont feel up to it. I said that we could just say to the dcs they could go tomorrow instead. But no.

OP posts:

ZuzaPa · 29/07/2017 14:51

I thought you said they asked him & he said yes. He was planning to take them & thought youd join. He probably didn't think to check with you first. It wasn't that he promised that you were taking them & he wouldn't be going he just arranged an afternoon activity with them with their input.


NapQueen · 29/07/2017 14:53

Because of his mood this afternoon I can see that he was expecting me to jump in and say its ok I will take them you stay home and have a break.

When I didnt want to and he ought to have checked with me first.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/07/2017 14:57

I think it's nice if any parent has a veto for a few things. I went to the arse-clenchingly awful Emoji Movie yesterday with DD because DH would rather do ANYTHING else. He takes her skating or swimming because I don't like doing that with her.

If he arranged swimming on my day 'off' (as long as days off are as infrequent as OP says) he wouldn't expect me to come. Ditto DH if it was a terrible film or a playdate/birthday party/soft play.


NapQueen · 29/07/2017 14:59

We are usually very good at passing the baton so to speak to ensure the other has some downtime.

I have an idea for what to do with the kids tomorrow which will have us out of the hour 8.30am til about 4. Its dhs decision if he wants to come or would prefer a duvet day or whatever.

OP posts:

Mumof56 · 29/07/2017 15:02


Why should your children miss out because you are too hungover?


NapQueen · 29/07/2017 15:04

Because they could go tomorrow.
Because dh can take them seeing as he agreed it.
Because they swim once a week and not going today isnt going to kill them.
Because there are other fun things we could do this afternoon that dont involve swimming.
Because its not the end if the world to say "no darling not today, we can go tomorrow. Shall we go to the swings?"

OP posts:

LovelyBath77 · 29/07/2017 15:11

My DH can do this too, ask them and then feel he needs to go on with it. Maybe should have spoken to you first. He'll be fine. Maybe next time he won't ask them before speaking to you first.

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