Personal / joint finances

[ghghgh]

DH has a friend (who I know well) staying tonight.

DH (of five ish months) and I have recently revised our finances so that we both pay all our money into a joint account from which all bills / savings / house maintenance comes from. We each then have a generous amount into our own accounts for personal spending. (Approx.£900 each to conclude travel to work). DH does earn c.30% more than me, so is paying more than me into our joint finances.

Having said that I do absolutely everything in our house, his only job is to put the wheelie bin out once a week. Everything else I do.

He and his mate have just got home and made a joke about something I have spent money on, (ordered paint for our living room) and made massive jokes about how I've spent DH's money.

I have always been independent, looked after my home, looked after him, never been in debt, etc and I feel so hurt that he is a) clearly unhappy with the financial arrangement (despite confirming he's happy) and b) told his mate about it.

I felt we had agreed our finances in being a permanent couple and preparing for a family together.

I am so embarrassed!! But AIBU that this should have stayed between us?

It's always tough with joining finances but he is being an arse and you need to speak to him tomorrow. Now you're married it is a case of our money if you have a mortgage together especially if it's paint for a room he jointly owns. I would also say that he should start doing more in the house if you genuinely do everything as that will quickly sour relations. Did you live together before getting married? How did finances work then? I would be annoyed by those comments too.

Why does earning 30% more make it ok for him to do only 1 job a week?! Do you both work full time?

I would be cross with the paint comment. Obviously your DH has some issues with the finances. Talk after you have cooled offed and the friend has gone.

*off

You should have told the mate that considering you do everything for dh short of wiping his bum, it's fine. Hate it when people discuss their private issues with friends before their partners

30 percent is nothing really. Just an extra 300 pounds for every 1k salary. So if you earned 40k he'd be on c 52k. Hardly a massive difference considering how much you do around the house.

YABVVVU for doing everything in the house - that is making a huge rod for your own back for the next 60 years.
Your his wife and an equal partner, not his servant.

I've always earned more than my DH so of course I contribute more to joint expenses. It's just logical - we happened to take slightly different career paths. We both contribute in different ways. So yes your DH is v unreasonable. It's all swings and roundabouts in a marriage...

Your DH might just have been trying to be 'one of the lads' rather than actually being unhappy with the arrangement.

I dont see the issue that he has discussed with a friend. Many people chat abiut hie finances work.

I would speak to him. Find out if he is happy with arrangement. If not why not. If he is and just laughed along with his friend, tell him he needs to pack that in and challenge his friend.

Also point out that as well as working full time, you also do most of the house work. You arent happy with that andvits going ti change.

You both sound like your earn well and loys spare. So what does it matter?

Fwie i run my finances differently to you and what mn deems normal. We have joint accounts for bills and savings. We put set amounts in there and have whats left. We both have similar amounts left. Dh is far better at saving than i am and has more personal savings. But neither of us have a problem dipping into personal savings for family stuff. Dh has decided to pay for 70% of our next holiday instead of using joint savings.

Neither of us begrudge the other anything or refuse to spend 'our money' on the itger or family. Works well for us.

Thank you all.

I probably do do too much and will try and revise that a little.

We used to just pay an amount each into the joint account to cover mortgage, bills etc pre-marriage.

I talked to DH about it and he said the joke was nothing to do with our new arrangement and more a generic joke about women spending. So sounds like I was being overly sensitive and BVU!!

Thank you for your replies

A crap joke though using an outdated and stupid stereotype.

I earn twice what my husband earns but I don't make shit jokes about him spending my money.