To think this is not my job

[pieceofpurplesky]

DS (13) been on holiday with his dad. Came back a day early with a suitcase full of dirty clothes. Extra washing to do

DS had a party to go to that his dad was taking him to and picking him up. So now I have had to do that.

DS was then invited to stay at friend's after the party (parents of this friend are dad's friends not mine). Just had a call asking me to pick DS up from the party and take him to the friend's house for his sleepover as friends mum is out and stepdad has been drinking.

So now I am getting dressed again to pick DS and his mates up to take them to someone's house to sleepover where the parents are pissed (not letting DS stay which will cause massive argument!).
AIBU to think exh should be bloody sorting this shit out and not me as he is the one that dropped DS home a day early (ex was tired).
Should I phone the other parents??

.

The other parents of children due to stay over? Normally I'd say don't get involved in other peoples arrangements but I'd want to know if people looking after my son was drunk.

Your ex was tired?! Diddums! Doesn't he know that is the permanent state of a parent? Yes Yanbu this should all be his responsibility. What would be have done if you'd been away or had plans? Rude fucker!

Drunk or had a couple?

Have you asked his father to collect him ?

At 13, he should be doing his own laundry. Let him have some independence, and stop making yourself a martyr.

Yes I did ask his father to collect him but as usual no reply.
I am certainly no martyr ... nowhere in my post does it suggest anything of the sort.
I do the laundry. He puts it in the basket, I put it in machine, he puts it away (and irons his own shirts). Hardly me being a bloody martyr. My point was that his dad should have done it/made him do it at his house.
DS has plenty of independence ... really don't know how you are getting all this from my post

Who makes their 13 yr old wash their own clothes when they come home from holiday!!

If one of my children had to be somewhere and my ex couldn't do the drop off I would still do it.

Have a chat with the ex, tell him he is responsible for drops off etc when son is with him as you may have plans bla bla. Guessing you've already done that though op!

Op, you sound like you resent doing the laundry. At 13 he is more than capable, and should be doing it himself. My 6 year old puts laundry in the basket and helps to put clothes away.

myheart I did all my own laundry from age 11, including after holidays. I saw 18 years old at uni who didn't know how to use a washing machine: their parents did them no favours.

If you resent doing things for your son this much teach him to do it yourself. YABU parenting and all that entails is 'your job.'

*Do it himself

Myheart obviously hibble does!
I don't resent doing the laundry at all - I resent the fact that it was sent back from his dad's dirty - he does have a washing machine and is capable of using it. As I explained DS puts his laundry in a basket, I do all the washing together and he puts away and irons it. He does know how to use it - but there are only two of us and I only do a couple of loads a week plus bedding. You seem to have totally misunderstood

Future did you read my post at all? Nowhere have I said I resent parenting - it was more a comment about DS's dad not parenting and returning dirty washing and not doing lifts. Both things that I have now done because - I was parenting.

Wouldn't be bothered about the washing. Sometimes dd does her own, sometimes I do It, after a hol you always have a load of washing, id just get on with it.
Running him to and from the party, again not a prob, as a parent I give her lifts sometimes.
Changing plans in the middle of the party, me having to get dressed to run friends to places, not a chance. If something went wrong and he needed to come home fine, id pick him up but no way would I be taking his friends one place and bringing him home??!! Why are their parents not running them about. Don't ring their parents. That their job. You don't have sort it out. Just get your son and bring him home.

Just he had been to his dad's. Who has a washing machine. Who is capable of doing washing. My point was annoyance that he bought a week's worth of dirty washing home.

I also give lifts to DS whenever he needs one - this should have been his father though

If you're that bothered about the washing get him to do his own. He could have done his own at his dad's.
If you were that bothered about about the lifts then you should gave told him to stay at his dad's and not come home early. Or come home early but you wouldn't be taking him to the party. Who decided he was coming home early?

Don't mean to sound arsey btw- I have a dd who goes back and forward to her dad's and always ends up coming home early. I've learned to just be clear that if she changes the plans I will not necessarily be falling in with all her wishes.

I totally get it Purple. Your ex is opting out of basic parenting responsibilities and it's rubbish. If my daughter stays with my parents or ex's mum, her clothes come back clean and ironed. When she goes to her dad's, she always returns with a bag full of laundry. It's just so lazy. Not worth raising with him I've discovered, but you need to vent sometimes.

Just as a matter of interest, what would happen if you were 'too tired' to look after your son and asked ex to have him a day early?

That does sound completely annoying. So ex dumped ds a day early because he was tired not because DS was asking to come home early ? I think I would be tempted to refuse and say I had plans in your place. You're now left doing the running around. I would probably be saying to ex that if he tries that again that you will be sending DS with a suitcase of dirty clothes to wash at his end - you're not the bloody skivvy. I personally wasn't doing my own washing at 13 and I don't believe lots of kids of that age do it regularly although clearly nothing wrong with it

Purple I think your post was not the most clear eg that your DS was on holiday at his fathers not both away camping for eg, although I gathered what you meant; that your ex and DS's father isn't pulling his weight and is expecting you to pick up the slack.

YANBU in that situaion. Ex is an arse

Agree - YANBU
If ex was tired (and I'm saying this as a bloke with kids EOW) then tough crepe. That's part of being a parent.
You didn't just end up with some laundry, you ended up running around all day.

Send him to his dads with a Suitcase full of dirty clothes every time.

See how he likes them apples

Just if you had read the OP.
Exh was tired so brought DS home early.
He came home with a suitcase of dirty clothes.
I was not bothered about lifts at all -
Until he rang to say that the people he was having a sleepover with could not pick them up as had been drinking (exh's friends and DS is friends with their son). I then had to get dressed and go and collect DS - rather than he and his friends walk 4 miles at 10
Across country.