To let DS go free range?

[Thistledew]

DS has just turned one. He is not yet walking but is a very speedy and self-assured crawler/cruiser. He is an absolute bundle of energy and rarely sits still for more than a few moments. He is big for his age at about 80cm so over the 91st centile, and is physically strong.

I took him to RhymeTime at our local library. He actually sat really nicely on my lap for about 15 mins of the 30 mins session and was happy for me to help him join in the actions to the songs etc. After that, he had had enough sitting and twisted and turned on my lap until I let him get down, knowing that a squeal of protest would have followed if I had not. He then crawled around for a bit at the back of the group before making his way to the front of the group where some of the older children (all under 5) were sitting and joining in with the songs. He perfectly happily crawled amongst them and bopped along to the singing. At this point, I couldn't easily reach him as there were too many children in the way.

At one point he used one of the adults sitting on the floor to pull himself up to standing. She caught my eye and smiled and mouthed that it was ok, but another woman sat next to her gave me a disapproving glare. He did also at one point pull a few of the baby books off a shelf, but just put them on the floor so wasn't tearing them or damaging them. I put them back in the right place as soon as I had a chance.

WIBU to let him go off and explore on his own, or should I have kept him by me?

Meh in the circs you've described it's fine. One rhyme time I went to the baby got tutted at and the mum asked to take him to toddler rhyme time instead, but that's one group out of dozens. IME if they get too out of control another grown-up usually scoops them up and hands them back to their parent!

I like free-range!

I'm really surprised at all the people saying you shouldn't have let him roam and he's too young for it!! It's exactly in this type of group that children learn over their toddler years to participate and start to sit down as a group, nobody's excluded for having a totally normal inquisitive toddler! I took my dd1 to baby bounce and rhyme at the library from tiny baby to full participating 3yo - of course when she was 1yo she'd crawl off or look at books. Bit ridiculous to suggest she couldn't take part while her attention span developed spontaneously. I was always pleased she was confident enough to move away from me, as many weren't at that age.

I also like 'free range'. Anyway I've also got one of these won't be pinned down, squirmy ones. Yes it's natural but I think if there comes a point where his 'free ranging' is impinging on others enjoyment of an activity it's probably time to go home. I've done this loads of times and it just gets too stressful trying to deal with it. I'd either attend and accept we might have to go at some point or find something else to do, or wait until he's better at sitting still and staying focussed. Mines better now he's been to nursery for a year but I'm still not brave enough to try messy church again just yet..........

YANBU. I used to run baby/toddler singing sessions. They were drop in and could get very vey busy. Babies and toddlers everywhere was par for the course. Very normal. I just adapted the songs and session for the dynamics of the group at the time. I would be doing sleeping bunnies with babies trying to sit on me. It was all good fun. Don't stress about it and a few books coming off the shelves. Libraries are very use it or lose it at the moment.

Of course it's ok. That's what these groups are for. If libraries were not ok with books being pulled off, they wouldn't have toddler sessions.
Let the woman glare, she might have pnd for all we know. Or she might do glaring as a hobby, I've met a few who do.
You sound really aware of everything your son is doing, it's when petiole ignore their kids that it causes upset in these groups.

If I was the adult who he used to help himself up, I would be totally melted.
Sounds to me like you were keeping a good eye on him, and he sounds very endearing to me.

Melted in a good way, I mean!

Sound so fine to me. However, just a word of warning about this:
" did at one stage grab the t-shirt of an older boy aged maybe about 3, and fortunately I was at that stage within arms reach so I could pick DS up and make sure the other boy was ok. All the younger babies were with an adult so I reasoned there was no danger of him being physical with anyone smaller than him. "

There is a slight risk if he is physical with an older child they will react quite aggressively back (my now three year old would be fine now but a few months ago there is a chance he would have pushed your son over if he had pulled on his T-shirt not the end of the world but you need to be a bit prepared for it if you have a very active small toddler (as older children can seem really big/mature when yours is only one and they are not really).

Sorry if that sounds patronizing, I just remember how irrationally furious I felt when a 2/3 year old wacked my just walking baby but now I am glad I didn't say anything...

Meh fine by me !

Crikey , if you can't let him loose somewhere like that where are you supposed to , perfectly reasonable .

Letting him crawl, fine, touching and pulling at the baby books, fine but this...
'I do worry about him trying to use another child as a climbing frame or just grabbing them if he wants to interact, but how is he to learn what is acceptable if he doesn't get a chance to practice associating with other children?'
No, it's not ok to let your child learn by grabbing or pulling up other little children, they will clearly be hurt by this and that's not ok. You keep in at arms length where you can stop him if he goes to grab another child or take him away from the other children, it's not ok to learn not to hurt children by letting him hurt children. Let him grab at you and your family and explain no and make sure he has it before you let him out of your reach to hurt others. Also I don't think you should let him climb up other people's legs to standing, when you've got your own child already on your lap this is really horrible as you feel responsible if the child falls and hits their head and at the same time to can't grab them easily because of your own child, so tbh I think you should be closer and trying to engage him in the activity and then move him away once he's bored.

Lol who would disprove of a 1 year old walking around. Seriously... And he didn't eat the books or damage them, just put them down gently? Amazing. My LG is 20 months and she's been munching on every book she sees since she could pick them up. I could never take her to a library, it'd be like a buffet! I'd much rather let my child wander than hold her in a death grip while she tries to escape. Babies and toddlers can't be made to sit still, that's just reality.

You could try using some distraction techniques to encourage him to stay with you (which might be handy practise for lots of other situations like GP waiting rooms, cafes etc), but I doubt the library staff mind him wondering about. Mind you, I stopped going to Rhyme Time the week my DS got himself wedged underneath the shelving - it was mortifying.

He's small for those groups but the groups are aimed at under 5;s....they don't say "No under 2's" or anythng so it's up to you really.

I used to find it all too stressful....I had one baby that would sit on me for the whole thing and then another who would crawl/stagger around and want to stand at the front or on the stage.

I found it all easier when they're over 2/3 really.

Free Range Frankie was what we called my DC aged 2 for a while. The family had moved from a first floor flat in the middle of town to a house with a lawn outside the patio doors. The toddler just loved this new freedom and was so happy exploring. We knew the difference between a child and a chicken and Free Range Frankie was an affectionate nickname for a week or two.

I think it might be safer if you only let him do that in places where you can easily get to him if things get tricky. Young babies and toddlers often like to poke other children in the eye, just out of curiosity, and I always found it was a good idea to be within easy grabbing distance just in case. I wouldn't try to restrain him though. Just try to stick to places where you yourself also have freedom to roam, if you can.

what he actually did doesn't sound particularly bad, but YABVU to let him get out of your reach. you need to be able to control him at any second

This is all totally fine. I have a similar DD and told a HV that I had stopped taking her to various groups because she couldn't sit and was all over the place. She was horrified and told me I must continue to take her because it's important for learning and socialisation.

I try to keep hold of her but I've been told by so many group leaders that it's fine for her to explore and they have ways of maintaining boundaries. And all the other parents are always sympathetic. So I'm trying to become less embarrassed about it!

Also bit about people having an issue with a child pulling books out at the library... that's what they're there for...