He left because he didn't have a bond with DS

[Lostwithoutyousos]

AIBU to think this is bull crap ?!

Having a discussion with a friend about life / what's been going on for the past few months, just a general catch up. I vaguely mentioned that I " can't believe DS dad doesn't take an interest in DS life" and she replied " Well... he didn't have a bond with him so it was to be expected".

Is this true Mumsnetters ?

DS dad has told me that he doesn't have a bond with DS, like the way I do. We had DS in our teens so we were very young parents. However, the reason why he didn't have a "bond" with DS is because throughout my pregnancy and after DS was born ( into the years) ... he abused me physically, emotionally and sexually. Due to this, I insisted he should only have supervised contact. He ranted and raved about it, didn't bother, was in and out of DS life like a yoyo. On the surface seemed to want build a better relationship with DS but really he was just interested in ME and when he finally realised ( after 6 years) that no way was I going to put up with his abusive ways, he lost interest in DS and hasn't contact with him for about a year.

Not only that, when DS was 2 months old, he got in trouble and ended up in prison for 7 months.

Now I'm feeling all guilt ridden... maybe it is my fault that DS dad didn't build a bond with DS... maybe I shouldn't of insisted supervised contact... maybe DS and I should of just went to live with like it was begging us too ( but I didn't as he was very abusive).

AIBU to also think that if the dads (in particular) build a really good bond with their DC's they wouldn't leave their children no matter what ?

Ignore your friend. Nothing having a bond with your child is never an excuse to leave. It isn't your fault and you ex is a selfish bastard

I would be glad he wasn't interested in DS, I don't think he would make a very good male role model for your son. Some parents are just crap and there is no understanding of why they have no interest in their child, sadly you just have to accept it and just be there to support DS when he needs it.

I agree with the above poster. Your ex made his decisions about how to behave and as a good mother you protected your child.

It sounds like he would not have been a good influence on your child anyway.

Why would your son want a bond with a man who raped and abused his mother?

People are far too obsessed about children having a bond with the dudes who happen to have contributed some of their DNA.

All the emotional benefits from having a father in the picture come from having a good father.

That abusive dude? Don't beat yourself up about him leaving, he wouldn't have been a good parent in any way shape or form.

Better to have no father than one that teaches you to abuse the ones you love or that it's ok for the people who love you to hurt you.

Sorry are you nuts?? Why would you want your child to have a relationship with a criminal who abused you??

But is it true... dads who don't bond with their kids always leave ? So if a fad has bonded with a child it will make him most likely to stay.

"Not bonding" sounds like some losers' idea of a plausible enough reason not to stick around and raise the child you fathered, sure. Beyond that, I couldn't really say.

Fathers who aren't interested in their kids and won't take responsibility for them are both more likely to not bond with them and more likely to leave.

I'm sorry you went through all this, and glad your DS has been spared it

Supervised contact was absolutely the right decision. You have protected your son and you should be proud of yourself