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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

drug dealing abusive ex dp wwyd

21 replies

notlikecherrycola · 28/07/2017 00:10

this will sound horrible mostly because it is . I was with ex so for 12 years he had an affair early on in our relatiship which I forgave and moved on from.
He was loving but always cold distant and aggressive, he isolated me from everyone. I have no friends or family because of him.
About 2 years ago he started smoking weed (I never do drugs or even smoke or drink). he then started selling weed to find his habit , he wasn't working, morally I know I should have left him but I was pregnant with our youngest and I didn't have much options. our eldest has autism so things have been a struggle. Anyway this man has walked out on us 2 weeks ago for another woman he left me with no food or money . I had to borrow money from a neighbour. He hasn't once texted asking how kids are and has ignored every phone call I have made. I don't have a clue what to do I know I need to get practical things sorted out so I started packing his things and found a bag full of weed , scales some Chinese drugs (no idea what they are ) and more worryingly a machette and a sword . wtf do I do ? if I go to the police will I get in trouble for knowing and not having spoke up before .
He has no intention of seeing the kids again and frankly I think they would be better off without him. he is an ill tempered aggressive bully who hit me and eldest dd frequently. middle dd adores him but I can't keep these things in my home and I want him to suffer for all the pain he has caused the kids. middle dd had first day of nursery on Monday and he despite me begging never showed up. So wwyd ?

OP posts:

Fruitcorner123 · 28/07/2017 00:15

How horrible for you OP but you are a victim in this and you must go to the police about every thing, for your kids sake and also to prevent him behaving like this again with a new partner and kids. If he was abusive to you he will be abusive to others.

Lastly he may not intend to have anything more to do with your DCs but what if he changes his mind. If you don't report him he will be entitled to access.

As you say you can't keep a machete and bags of drugs in your home! It's possible he may come back for them too so I would be making an urgent call to the police.

OnTheRise · 28/07/2017 08:00

Take them to the police station. Tell them the truth: that your partner has left you, you were packing up his things and you found them. And that he was often violent towards you, , and so you don't want to have them in the house in case he returns and kicks off, so you're handing them over to the police.

Penfold007 · 28/07/2017 08:20

Ring the police on 101 and explain what's been happening and what you've found. Someone will come and see you at home and collect the items. You really can't go out in public with offensive weapons and drugs. You need to talk to someone about the violence you and your DC have been subjected to by this man.

Original poster

notlikecherrycola · 28/07/2017 08:22

I can't take them the station as I don't drive , have no one to watch the kids and nearest station is 25 minutes away. Will the police be able to come out and take statement from my home?

OP posts:

LouHotel · 28/07/2017 08:24

DONT TOUCH ANYTHING. Ring 101 and they will come to you, be prepared to make a statement but you are a victim of domestic violence you need to mention this when you phone them as they will send a policeman/women with training to assist.

You need to get the stuff out of the house for you and your kids safety, the police are there to help you.

Original poster

notlikecherrycola · 28/07/2017 08:24

it sounds terrible but I don't want the kids to lose there father when he was nice he was really nice , (not very often sadly ) .

He is a very convincing liar he could charm the birds from the trees .
I know what the right thing to do is but will the kids ever forgive me if I do this ?

OP posts:

LoniceraJaponica · 28/07/2017 08:28

Please get your head out if the sand and ring the police.

LouHotel · 28/07/2017 08:30

Sometimes being a parent is doing what is right for your kids not what they want.

If your happy with snippets of niceness for a lifetime of stress and what appears to be an unsafe environment then thats your choice.

MargaretTwatyer · 28/07/2017 08:30

If you told the police would that lead to a situation where he was likely to hurt or harass you in revenge when currently he is just leaving you alone? Or that it could involve you in a wider drugs operation including some nasty, violent people? The presence of the machete makes me think it might.

Personally in that situation I would very selfishly think of my children rather than any sort of public duty and just get him to pick it up and not tell the police. I wouldn't want to open a can of worms which might put us in danger.

Original poster

notlikecherrycola · 28/07/2017 08:32

I will LoniceraJaponica in just scared of what he will do and what the people implicated will do. we had a brick thrown through my dds bedroom window days before Christmas by someone out for revenge .
I also found 4 mobile phones (3 aren't working) but 4th one is fill of texts etc

OP posts:

LouHotel · 28/07/2017 08:34

@margarettwatyer at which point if he ever got caught in the future he could tag the OP as an accomplice as well as the fact considering he's physically violent to her and her children whose to say he wouldnt continue to use her home for storage.

She needs police help even more so if its organised crime.

Penfold007 · 28/07/2017 08:55

Margrettwatyer I'm not suggesting OP reports her Ex out of public duty but a real need to protect her family.

notlikecherrycola ring the police, they will help you and yes they can take your statement at home.

LoniceraJaponica · 28/07/2017 08:59

Good luck

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 28/07/2017 09:07

People offer advice without any real understanding of the situation. I deal with DV cases and frankly I wouldn't be dobbing my violent drug dealing ex P in the murky brown stud, no when there has already been a brick through the window.

Assuming the length of time they have been together and fact they cohabited, he probably has PR. He might be feckless but he also has the power to make your life a misery if you choose to antagonise him.

I'd be moving, very very far away and probably changing my name enough so he cant find me.

specialsubject · 28/07/2017 09:12

Your kids will be grateful that you got them away from this evil person. That's all that matters.

I hope there is a way to remove all the control he has over you and them.

Nousernameforme · 28/07/2017 09:51

Do not hand the drugs over to the police, chances are they have not been paid for yet and you could end up with his supplier coming to you demanding money.

I would tell him you found it and he needs to come get it

Original poster

notlikecherrycola · 28/07/2017 12:10

Nousernameforme but if I hand him them and he doesn't pay them then il still have them at my door . it's lose lose

OP posts:

Nousernameforme · 28/07/2017 12:29

If you take them to police people will find out. If he has them back then people will know he will be selling or seen smoking it

toastandbutterandjam · 28/07/2017 12:54

will the kids ever forgive me if I do this ?

I have NC with my dad for various reasons, which I wont go into on here. I soon found out that he has another daughter with another woman and a son with a different woman who are also NC with him. He has sent messages giving it the whole 'Oh, i'll tell you the truth about your mum' etc, but quite frankly i'm not interested.
He lives far away and is raising another mans two children whilst his 3 are fatherless.

I've never been angry at my mum for this. Don't get me wrong, it was tough as a child when fathers day came round etc and I was a bit upset, but nothing too serious. As soon as I found out the kind of man he was, I was glad to be rid of him. I mean, he has 3 children and has never paid a penny towards not one of us - He's quite frankly a disgrace and i'm really pleased that i'm actually the complete opposite of him!

So yes, there was short term sadness, but long term relief that I don't have to deal with a waste of space father.
I had my mum and she's brilliant. Your children have you. They might be sad in the short term, but it's the long term you need to focus.

Children might not like it now, but long term they may be grateful!

Best of luck

Original poster

notlikecherrycola · 29/07/2017 09:06

I'm going to phone 101 today :( I'm gutted to be doing this more so for the kids but the really will be better off without him .
I'm going through so many emotions.

I can't get him to collect them even if I wanted too he won't answer any my calls at all .

OP posts:

lelapaletute · 29/07/2017 09:17

Can't believe you let him hit your daughter. You should have called the police on him then, a bit of bit of drugs and weaponry is nothing compared to regularly harming your own child. If I wanted going to worry about being forgiven it would be for that,not for dobbing him in now. Get him nailed to the wall OP then move farrrr away so he can never come near your kids again.

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