AIBU to think that my mojo has gone.... and it ain't coming back???

[procrastinationsupremo]

I am 39 years old and for the last year or two I can't think of one instance where I've looked in the mirror and been happy with what I've seen. I have an 18 month old, so rarely have time to make much of an effort, but tbh, even if I spend ages putting on make-up etc. it doesn't seem to make much difference. Most of the time I don't care too much, life's too busy with other things and I'm lucky to have a lovely husband and a fulfilling career. Sometimes though, like today, I just think 'so is that it now, I'll just look rubbish forever?'. I'm not even sure what it is... I'm fairly overweight these days (size 12-14, but short) but otherwise not particularly wrinkly or anything. I just feel like I used to be pretty cool and now I'm a frump! No amount of haircuts, manicures and new clothes seem to help! Is it just a mind-set? Am I doomed? I know of course that there are FAR MORE important things to worry about (we've had a couple of heartbreaks ourselves) but on a serious note, it really does get me down sometimes... Is it better to just put it out of my head and get on with the important stuff or should I tackle it? (somehow??)

I remember feeling exactly like this. The first few years after having ds, I lived in a fog. Tired, not thinking too much about myself and realising I had become a frump. I had forgotten how I styled my hair and even how I dressed before getting pregnant. I had lost myself. I did come out of the fog eventually and had to concentrate to remember a time when I felt good about myself and remember what clothes/accessories I was wearing at that time. I think it was a case of finding myself again, as everything I did for myself stopped when I had ds. I like to think I'm back and making the most of myself. I'm far from perfect, but am happy with what I see now. I hope this helps, maybe someone will be along soon with another view.

No advice sorry, but I am a fellow frump! 4 small kids and I just can't summon the energy to do makeup, no money for clothes, no time to even think! But when I pass my reflection I reflexively cringe. Then put it from my mind and tell myself I'll do something about it.......some other time

Thanks for your replies! I think it might have actually started to happen before my daughter came along.... I know exactly what you mean about 'losing yourself' though... It's like looking at a stranger and having no idea how to make the poor woman look better! I've never been a stunner, but I think I used to have style! I'm just like you outnotdown, I just put it to the back of my mind (and avoid mirrors!). Feels like it must be ruining my self esteem though...

I know this sounds a bit vague, but maybe discuss this with your GP. I have been feeling like this for years and have just discovered my thyroid and parathyroid hormones are contributing to it all.

Thank you justilou, I'll look into that. It feels like I hit my stride in my early twenties and got to know which shapes suited me and what types of haircuts/make-up etc. and then all of a sudden those things don't work anymore! I don't knowwhere to shop, what make-up to wear, anything... I see cool, stylish middle-aged women all the time, so I know it can be done!

I have felt like this all my life I see the pretty things and buy them, but the fact of me owning them makes them less pretty, less worth having. I have exciting haircuts that look amazing in theory but on me? Not worth the upkeep. And this was before I had a child! Now I'm just a dumpy frump with falling out straggly hair and one boob always hanging out of my doughty nursing bras. I dress like a nursery worker. I try not to look at my stripey, crepey, ruined stomach. Sigh

I could have written this. I was walking with a Zimmer frame, in constant pain for 5.5 years I had slipped a couple of discs (the orthopaedic consultant who never even looked in my direction let alone examine me told me I needed a new hip) .
I am allergic to hair dye. I don't wear make up and am covered in eczema. My mojo went years ago

I'm in the same ballpark but it's more that before I had kids I felt like "scruffy" was my (windswept & interesting) lifestyle choice and now it probably is read more as "poor cow can't be bothered to do her hair". You know? IDK. It's all so sort of woolly, this stuff - IDK how much my feeling is just my own perception of myself and how much is to do with how people treat me differently. But yes, mojo lost somewhere in the last decade and shows no sign of reappearing

God yes, me too.
I'm on holiday at the moment and passed a very frail looking woman of about 70 earlier staring out to sea. I thought 'she looks amazing, so stylish and confident'. And it made me feel so bad that I couldn't even think where to begin to look so effortlessly great.

I lost my mojo back in 2010 when I became poorly & am only now getting it back.

So things can improve, if that helps!

Noooooooooooo! We mustn't speak of ourselves in this way!! It seems such a shame 😟. And lelapaletute, it makes me so sad to hear you say the fact of you owning something makes it less pretty, that IS NOT true. Also, if it makes you feel any better re your stomach... The other day a woman at soft play asked the age of my daughter, then said 'yeah, it can take a while to get rid of the bloody baby weight can't it'. My daughter is adopted. 😳😂 I shall console myself with the fact I was never a great beauty, it must be much worse for them.... FreyaJade, that is good to hear!!