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AIBU?

AIBU colleagues NOT friends?

43 replies

theleavesaregreener · 27/07/2017 18:32

Is it possible to have friends at work? I have made friends with a few girls in my new job (corporate world) but a few months in I am starting to wonder if it has been a mistake. There is a lot of bitching and I wonder if I should have kept my distance and not let them "in". Do you think it is possible to have friends at work? Or should you try to keep it "colleagues not friends" and not let them into your personal life?

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MollyHopps · 27/07/2017 19:12

For some stupid reason I decided recently, after starting a new job, to actually make an effort to form friendships out of working relationships.

Backfired spectacularly, and I've only been there 2 and a half months. Someone (in management) decided it would be fun to tell them I had been talking about them, after I had a private discussion with them as a manager about something.

Never again.

BestIsWest · 27/07/2017 19:18

My dearest friends are former colleagues.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/07/2017 19:23

"You never let any work colleague onto your private FB or other social media, ever."

That was my policy, but got so many complaints about it that I added people once I'd left the job. I'm back there now so have ended up being Facebook friends with colleagues, something I said I'd never do. Also, in my job, FB is used a bit like Linkedin and if you don't follow people you know through work you can end up quite out of the loop.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/07/2017 19:24

"The problem with friends at work is when the dynamic change and one of you get promoted above the other."

Yes, but it depends how often that happens in your line of work. It's never happened to me (I do a job where promotion is almost unheard of).

coddiwomple · 27/07/2017 19:38

I am in recruitment, so promotions do happen fairly regularly as people often change company, best way in my industry to get decent pay rise.
It's a sales environment, so things can get heated quickly when people fight for a client/ commission/bonus.. Still made a few very good friends along the way!

BeepBeepMOVE · 27/07/2017 19:42

I am very close with about 4 girls from work. 2 no longer work there, we see each other as a group once a month. And more often in smaller combinations. One of them is above me in the company, we are very professional at work.

Definitely possible to make true friends through work.

Judydreamsofhorses · 27/07/2017 19:46

My closest friends have been gathered at various workplaces - one of my dearest friends and I met in the very first job we both had as new graduates, about 20 years ago now. In my current job I have one properly good friend, who I see outside work. We're in different departments though. I am very friendly with some others in my team, but I imagine if one of us left, we would drift off, as work is the key thing we have in common. I think that's the thing - if you meet people at work you have lots of common ground with, then you're more likely to become actual friends, whereas there are others that you like a lot within the work environment, but you wouldn't have a massive amount to say to if you met under other circumstances.

Me264 · 27/07/2017 19:50

Depends on the workplace ... most of my close friendship group I met when we all worked at the same pub in our late teens/early 20s. In a pub environment, definitely possible to make friends at work!

Since growing up and working in a professional office environment, I have made one true friend at work. We only actually worked together for 2 years, then she moved on and a year later I did but the friendship stood the test of time and now 8 years on she's one of my best friends and my DS's godmother. A few others who I've stayed in touch with when one or other of us has moved on and met up for the odd coffee or social event. At my current workplace, no proper friends. Lots of people I get on with really well and happily go for drinks/dinner after work with on occasion, but wouldn't ever meet up at the weekend and probably wouldn't stay in touch with many if we left.

ShelaghTurner · 27/07/2017 19:54

Of course you make friends at work. One of my oldest friends is someone I met at work 20 years ago. I have friends from another job that I started just after that and am still friends with them. And I met DH at work. I’d be living a pretty solitary life now if it wasn’t for that lot.

spidey66 · 27/07/2017 19:57

To me, after making money, the social aspect is what I like about work. I've made good friends over the years from work. Others I like while I'm there and enjoy the odd night down the pub on a Friday but not close but I still like that as well.

spidey66 · 27/07/2017 19:58

Oh yeah I met my husband at work!

BrainSaysNo · 27/07/2017 20:04

Yes absolutely, my 3 closest friends have been made through work. I think its a great place, you are normally spending long periods of time with colleagues and over a long period of time, you see how they think/behave/treat people/their morals etc in many different circumstances.
But I don't personally look to make friends at work, in 2 cases it was a slow burn over years, and a respected colleague became a good friend.

Rarotonga · 27/07/2017 20:51

I have met the majority of my close friends through work. I'm lucky to work in a health profession which seems to attract kind people, who aren't bitchy generally. Though there are the odd exceptions!

JustDanceAddict · 27/07/2017 20:54

I've made friends through work, although haven't always kept in touch for years afterwards, I've kept friendships going for quite a while after I've left. Where I am now I def have a couple of friends who I'd stay in touch with - we've met up outside work.

sonjadog · 27/07/2017 20:57

I have many good friends from work, but now I think about it, they are all people who work in the same organization but not closely with me. I think there is something to be said for not being friends with close colleagues.

Also, don´t get romantically involved with colleagues. I learnt that the hard way and never again.

user7680 · 27/07/2017 20:58

I've tried in the past but they've all been fake. Just colleagues to me and I don't disclose my personal info.... too much bitching

theleavesaregreener · 27/07/2017 21:05

I wish that I hadn't got so involved with them. I should have kept my distance. Now they know all about me is there any way back from here?

OP posts:

sonjadog · 27/07/2017 21:34

They only know all about you right now. If you stay distant, in a while your life will move on and be about things that they don´t know about, and without fresh input, they will also move on to talk about other people.

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