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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL deleted me on FB. I want to call her out!

70 replies

RatRolyPoly · 27/07/2017 12:50

Yes, yes, the very idea of being deleted on Facebook is so teenaged, but that's exactly the point so hear me out! Firstly MIL isn't really MIL as me and dp aren't married, however we are (recently) engaged, have a toddler together and a bump due any day now so for the sake of easy abbreviation...

MIL's relationship with dp has always seemed fair, with the odd blip mostly caused by him not replying to messages immediately or sufficiently gushingly; dp is the unsentimental, practical sort and MIL is extremely emotionally needy. She has had a properly shit last few years in fairness but the emotional neediness is more of a lifelong thing. Anyway, they are who they are.

So they tick along much without any involvement from me. I don't know unless I probe whether they're currently in contact regularly or whether one or other is "ignoring" the other; dp ignoring pages of dramatic messages or MIL ignoring dp's calls; but I encourage him to be kind and send her updates. My contact with MIL was mostly limited to the odd visit or her previously "liking" the pictures I put up of her grandchild on FB. Honestly this is 99% of my FB usage with little family close enough to see ds often. The visits have always seemed to have gone well (we get along), although over the months I've heard she's mildly bad mouthed me to other relatives or made half mention of some imagined passive aggressive behaviour on my part, but I've brushed it off as "whatever" as she does love to bitch about people even to me.

So I hear her and dp haven't spoken lately - he's not sure if they've fallen out - so I look up her FB to see if she's okay, any news or whatever - and she's frickin' deleted me! From TWO FB accounts!! Which irks me because, you know, why?? Also I've chosen to take offence on behalf of ds who she clearly has no interest in knowing anything about, not least because she didn't acknowledge his recent birthday in any way at all, no matter how small. And obviously she's not interested to know when he next grandchild might be born, as my FB is probably the only way she'd find out what with her and her son not talking at the mo.

So rather than being a passenger to their relationship (as dp would have me be, and has halfheartedly proposed I let him sort it out and get everyone back to happy-smiley) I'm all up for calling her out and saying "look here lovey, have we fallen out? Because this is news to me!!" - as is my diplomatic style. See, I'm definitely not the passive aggressive sort! AIBU??

OP posts:
NotMyPenguin · 27/07/2017 14:19

"I think something's gone wrong with your Facebook, MIL! I just put a lovely pic of DGD up but realised you're not on there any more -- wanted to let you know as soon as I noticed!"

Grin
Donttouchthethings · 27/07/2017 14:28

If you're going to say anything, be absolutely straight and clear, using phrases like "as you know" (cos she does). Don't let her pretend she hadn't realised - it's beyong unlikely that she's accidentally unfriended you from 2 accounts.

There's a useful book, In Sheep's Clothing:

www.amazon.co.uk/Sheeps-Clothing-Understanding-Dealing-Manipulative/dp/1935166301?tag=mumsnetforum-21

Hissy · 27/07/2017 15:12

Do not give her the satisfaction of having noticed.

She is waiting for you to notice and make some sort of comment.

It's a Passive Aggressive form of playing Chicken. Stay schtum. Don't even blink.

It will be burning her up to see when you notice she has rejected you.

WHEN she caves into the pressure and mentions it - because sooner or later she will HAVE to - just say 'Oh I hadn't realised did you defriend me from both your accounts by accident? I hear that does happen sometimes."

Yes, I do actually look like butter wouldn't melt... Grin

Hissy · 27/07/2017 15:13

OOh, yes - LogicalPsycho, good idea - Lock down the profile so she sees NOTHING and restrict views to friends only.

mwuhahaahahah

Hissy · 27/07/2017 15:14

I'd also block friend requests, so she can't request to be a friend.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 27/07/2017 15:15

Do nothing.

Don't feed the drama queen. Why do you feel the need to be liked by her?

RatRolyPoly · 27/07/2017 15:59

My profile is thoroughly locked down due to an over-keen admirer stalker many years ago - fear not!

Housework I guess I do kind of think she should like me; she hated dp's only other long-term partner and set about making her life hell (uninvited from Christmas dinner on Christmas morning, anyone?) many moons ago, although now I wonder how bad the poor girl really was... But mostly I just think she should like my ds, because he's actually the most awesome kid ever (except everyone else's kids to them of course) and she should bloody well want to see pictures of him looking adorable and growing up, even if she can't get over her "you don't love me enough" issues with my dp to see him.

Ugh, rant. I think I will continue to ignore, but if (when?) I see her again I may tell her I was sad not to hear from her around ds's birthday, but that thankfully he's too young to have noticed. This time.

OP posts:
RiversDisguise · 27/07/2017 16:19

Why? You'd also be feeding the drama.

You sound quite similar tbh.

Notknownatthisaddress · 27/07/2017 16:22

BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK her.

Fuck it being 'childish.'

Orrrrrrr you could ask her why she did it!

acapellagirl · 27/07/2017 16:47

ABSOLUTELY everything Hissy said - sounds like my mum who would just love the drama otherwise. You sound like a reasonable person and you CANNOT 'reason' with people like this!!

Hissy · 27/07/2017 17:10

She ignored your ds birthday?

Unleash the hounds... IN YOUR HEAD!!!

Ignore the fuck out of her! Who punishes a toddler?

The bitch.

Hissy · 27/07/2017 17:12

Make sure Christmas, birthdays, Easter, the opening of a fcking envelope are all at yours.

That way you don't gift wrap her the opportunity of treating you like she did your dp ex.

Did she dump him by any chance?

RatRolyPoly · 27/07/2017 17:15

Do we Rivers?? Ouch!

OP posts:
BrightonBelleCat · 27/07/2017 17:17

Mine did as well. Apparently I used the word cunt two years ago and she took great exception to it.

She must have had to trawl pretty hard to find something to be outraged by.

AngelaTwerkel · 27/07/2017 17:23

No, don't block her. The best course of action would be to pretend she's so unimportant to you that you haven't noticed the unfriending. It's really not worth adding fuel to the fire.

nachogazpacho · 27/07/2017 17:25

You are never going to change or educate her to be functional. This is her. Best to give her a wide berth and pretend you don't know. Sadly she won't ever be the gran you wanted for the dc but then who ever is? We are who we are.

RiversDisguise · 27/07/2017 18:13

I think so- in some respects. Prolonging drama (and posting on here about trivial nonsense on another site), sounding a bit martyrish, etc. Your DP seems to want to not to engage and you would do well to distance yourself from MIL as he appears to want to do. But there is no need to say anything. Least said, soonest mended- should you want to have her more in your lives in the future.

My mum sounds just like your MIL and wasting even a second thinking about or responding to their petty machinations is pointless. They always bring you down to their level. Any sniping, FB nonsense, wounded remarks and you will be just like her.

Here's to a drama-free life. Wine

RatRolyPoly · 27/07/2017 20:12

Meh, I've just started mat leave so I finally have time to post about petty shit on MN - it's a dream realised Grin

Perhaps I do sound a bit martyrish. I was going for more ball-busting "don't take no shit", so it's disappointing but I can see it... I'm going to make damn sure the resemblance isn't borne out in reality, I assure you!

OP posts:
Donttouchthethings · 27/07/2017 22:26

I finally have time to post about petty shit on MN - it's a dream realised

Haha! Love this!

londonrach · 27/07/2017 22:29

Leave it. She loses out seeing photos

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