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AIBU?

To be pissed off at my OH for not asking about my interview

29 replies

OBface · 27/07/2017 09:11

To fit around my children I currently work half from home and half in the office which has works out well for our family as I can do the lions sharing of collecting after school, taking to activities etc. with the rest of the care falling to my parents. My job however is pretty hideous (long hours, stress...) but given the flexible working it has taken me a long time to find something else suitable.

I've been in talks with a company for a couple of months now and yesterday met with the founder to get his approval and make sure I can keep to similarly flexible hours in my new role. Basically the whole thing has been a big deal for me as I don't want to risk the status quo we have as a family, even though at times I'm under a lot of stress in my current role.

My husband knows all this and was well aware I had this final interview yesterday morning. I wasn't expecting a call or text asking how it had gone (even though he did manage to message asking about what we were having for dinner in the pm) but I was annoyed when he had failed to mention it when he came home in the evening. After about half an hour he twigged (I was wearing formal clothes I would never normally have on) there was no apology or even any interest.

AIBU to expect better?

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livefornaps · 27/07/2017 16:16

It's really hard because "family organisation" is like spinning plates - even if you were to try and take the time to divvy up the tasks equally, if you take your eye off it everything smashes to the floor. And even the very fact of "divvying it up" is yet more work. Often, men seem to want to respond to tasks ("well just tell me what to do and i'll do it"), but what this means is they want to be able to tick their specific task off the list and then say they are done. When often family life is like responding to a natural disaster like a flood or hurricane - working out what TASKS need to be done in which order is a job in itself and then once one "emergency responder" has ticked off his little task, it's not right to say "well, I'll be off then" because there's a bloody hurricane going on!

I've mentioned this one comic loads of times on here but look up "the mental load" by Emma - she just nails it.

I'm getting the feeling this is a whole lot more than one isolated incident.

Sometimes getting men to wake up to what we do every day is like shouting in a hurricane. Oh, and it's all unpaid and mainly thankless! I'm sure if "running a family" was performance-driven with commission and fancy awards evenings and bonuses things would be a whole lot different.

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livefornaps · 27/07/2017 16:20

Congrats on the job tho. Kicking ass!!!Wine

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Butterymuffin · 27/07/2017 16:24

He sounds like he takes your running around for granted and doesn't see it as something he even has to have on his radar. I wouldn't like that. Does he expect you to listen to him talk about his day, details of work etc? Does he do a good share of stuff with the kids at weekends?

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OBface · 28/07/2017 09:22

Thanks! I've only managed to take 2 days off since Christmas so I'm hoping to hand my notice in and have the rest of the summer off (here's hoping anyway!).

Livefornaps so true! Off to read the Mental Load right now...

Butterymuffin he is actually quite good with the kids, can't complain there really. And I wouldn't say he expects me to listen to whatever's going on with him, but then I naturally do as I'm interested and ask questions.

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