Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU DH cousine from Canada wants to stay at ours with a friend

29 replies

MummyShah369 · 26/07/2017 22:47

My DH cousine who I dont really know wants to stay 4 nights with us. She has a reputation and none of the other family members want her and have excusses lined up. We havr a 15 month babby. My Dh agreed for her to stay and I accepted but now she wants to bring a friend along who neither of us habe met. We have a family wedding so I am oblidged to help but I am really uncomfortable having a total stranger living with us. We both work full time and the expectation would be to leave house keys behind.

OP posts:

ChasedByBees · 26/07/2017 22:49

You can explain the offer is only for her and only whilst you are in the house, although we're you always going to be away when she stayed?

Xmasbaby11 · 26/07/2017 22:50

It wouldn't bother me, for a few days, if we had enough room. Two guests mean that they have each other for entertainment so probably less work.

I wouldn't call it 'living with you'. It's only 4 nights!

missiondecision · 26/07/2017 22:51

Relax ... it's only 4 nights.
A 15 month old baby won't care.

Mxyzptlk · 26/07/2017 22:53

Is this happening soon?
I'd say I'm really sorry but now that we've thought it over (your DH has thought too, I hope) you've realised that having visitors will be too much to cope with as well as everything else that's going on at the time.
If there's any argument just do the broken record thing and repeat what you said.
If she's upset, who cares? Why should you be the ones upset, and possibly worse?

LittleBirdBlues · 26/07/2017 22:53

What's her "reputation" for? Do you have the space?

I think it depends on your relationship with the family, and the girl's parents in particular. Of your DH is close to then, I absolutely think you should offer your home. But somehow I get the feeling you're worried about your home's safety?

BackforGood · 26/07/2017 22:54

YABU.
When people are over from another country, it's what nice normal people do - offer a bit of hospitality for a few days.
Explain you'll be at work and are happy to offer them some floor space and use of kitchen but won't be able to take them places or 'entertain' them as such, but if they are happy to stay on that basis (as most people would be) then I don't see what the problem is.

Tweennightmare · 26/07/2017 22:54

Agree I think 2 people is actually less work than one as you can point them to the door and let them get from under your feet . One person and you feel you have to continually amuse them

PinkHeart5911 · 26/07/2017 22:56

If I had the room, I wouldn't have a problem with it and it's just 4 days. As she lives in Canada I doubt you see her often.

What's the problem with leaving the house keys? Don't you have a spare set?

Is having a 15 month baby relevant? I don't think the baby is going to care if she stays tbh

MrsPorth · 26/07/2017 22:56

It's fine. Two people less work than one.

Speaking of work, ensure DH pulls his weight.

Needsomeflapjacks · 26/07/2017 22:57

Male or female friend? Relevant if noisey giggling sex sessions happening under your roof. . .

rollonthesummer · 26/07/2017 22:58

So, you agreed to have her and then she said she's bringing a friend? Are there more details? Has she asked if she can bring the friend? Have you said that's fine? If not, what have you said? What is her reputation? Where will they sleep? Has her friend bought a ticket?

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/07/2017 22:59

She has a reputation

HeddaGarbled · 26/07/2017 23:00

What does she have a reputation for?

I think it is a nice and perfectly reasonable thing to do to host relatives (with or without a friend) when they are visiting your country and 4 days is not too long.

I don't understand your comment about the wedding. Is the cousin visiting for the wedding? Are you going to the wedding aswell? So it's over a weekend and you'll all go to the wedding together? Which will give you an opportunity to meet the cousin and friend and decide whether you trust them enough to leave them in your house without you and entrust them with a key.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 26/07/2017 23:02

1 barely known relative plus a complete stranger staying in my house while I'm not there? Not a fecking chance!

elQuintoConyo · 26/07/2017 23:03

Does she have a reputation for kissing boys? HOLY-MOTHER-OF-GOD-DO-NOT-LET-HER-STAY!

StarHeartDiamond · 26/07/2017 23:05

What is this reputation for? Stealing? Drinking? Arguing loudly? Violence?

How old is she

Do you know for certain other family members have said no, and why?

Is the friend male or female and how long has she known them for? What's her relationship with friend? (Romantic, platonic?)

So many questions!

You have every right not to extend your house to someone and their friend when you won't be in and it's no surprise that here in mn you are getting some "be hospitable" responses from people who haven't stopped to acertain any of the above first.

Original poster

MummyShah369 · 27/07/2017 06:32

Well it happens that she has found somewhere else to stay with another relative so dilema over.
Her reputation is more around being demanding and difficult to stay with usually ends up in arguments. Would not say she is Violent or would steal.
Her friend is another lady whom we have not met. DH told her it was ok for her to stay, but was very uncomfortable about her bringing her friend.
Wedding is in the same family but the venue is in the mifdle of no where.
Anyway am glad she found somewhere else.

OP posts:

JemandScout · 27/07/2017 07:22

Need to know what the reputation is before I can comment

Waffles80 · 27/07/2017 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HipsterHunter · 27/07/2017 07:41

1 barely known relative plus a complete stranger staying in my house while I'm not there? Not a fecking chance!

There Ian a much nicer way of thinking where you could help out other people and have them to stay, and the favour might be returned to your children later down the line.

I'd let them stay. Two people is easier than 1 and leaving them a set of keys isn't exactly a burden.

Mxyzptlk · 27/07/2017 10:58

Glad she's got somewhere else.
Doesn't matter if she was Mother Teresa, if you didn't feel happy about the idea of hosting her there's no reason why you should have to.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 27/07/2017 11:09

There Ian a much nicer way of thinking where you could help out other people and have them to stay, and the favour might be returned to your children later down the line

There is a nice way of thinking where you could take in homeless strangers and let them sleep on your couch when you're away but I bet hyou don't do that?

StarHeartDiamond · 27/07/2017 12:23

Hipster - disagree that two people are easier than one especially if one is known to be a troublemaker and the other is totally unknown (but likes and is travelling with the troublemaker).

No people would be easier than two or one in that scenario!

BackforGood · 27/07/2017 17:27

But Itstoolate, that isn't what the discussion is about. It is about how people would feel about providing a roof over the heads of someone they are related to, and their friend for just 4 days whilst they are in the country.
I don't understand people who are too mean to do that.

YoureNotASausage · 27/07/2017 17:30

We have lots of cousins in the US, New Zealand and Australia. We all welcome any of them that are traveling. I know I'd be welcome at many homes if cousins I've never met in all these places too. We're family. And many emigrated due to my great grandparents poverty so my dads 64 first cousins are all over the place but are all very welcoming.

Flip

1 2