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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was this woman racist or am I thinking too much about this?

90 replies

BlondeGinger · 26/07/2017 21:42

I'm not sure if I've got the wrong end of the stick here or if a woman in my office was racist to one of my colleagues earlier.

We have access cards to get in and out of the office and my colleague was coming back from lunch at the same time as another lady (she doesn't work on our team but in another one, sometimes in our office). She has to walk past our bank of desks to get to her own and from the amount I've seen her around, she must have also seen my colleague and I at some point.

Anyway, so my colleague gestured for other lady to go through the door first after using her card to open it. Other lady then says to colleague "I'm sorry but I've never seen you before in my life, how are you able to get in here? Can I please see your ID? I'm sure you'll understand me asking you what with everything going on in the world at the moment." My colleague showed her ID and said that she recognised her from the team she works in, did she not recognise her since she walks past her every time she's in? Other lady just said "no" and walked off through the door.

For context, my colleague is a lovely Indian lady and other lady is approximately 80 and very sour faced.

My colleague came back and told me all this and it was clear that IF this woman was being racist, it had completely gone over her head, as she just thought how strange she'd been to ask since she walks past us every day and hadn't recognised her.

AIBU to think this woman was racist to my colleague with the "everything going on in the world" comment and asking for ID, even though my colleague had a pass and used it to open the door? Or am I overthinking this? Should I have a word with our manager?

Sorry for the lengthy post!

OP posts:
MakeMeAFloozy · 26/07/2017 23:00

She might be racist, she might not. Nothing concrete so no point complaining.
I see where you are coming from though. If she doesn't check ID for others but needs to check it for your Indian colleague it certainly makes you wonder if she thinks browns need more checking.
But it's just not concrete enough.
We had a sour faced woman at work like that who acted borderline but never racist. She tried to get me in trouble once. Then she went to work elsewhere and out came all the racist crap she shared on her facebook.
It was at the jobcentre. Goodness knows if she treated her claimants in an unbiased manner.

Perfectly1mperfect · 26/07/2017 23:06

I think she was probably being racist and she probably had seen the woman before .

But you couldn't prove it, although I think you know that you are right.

I am glad it went over your colleagues head. Hopefully that means she has not faced a lot of racism before as it didn't even enter her head that it could be racist and that she wasn't upset by the other woman.

I would ignore 'racist' woman from now on if it were me as much as possible. Sometimes you just know. xx

LilaoftheGreenwood · 26/07/2017 23:06

Yes it sounds like racial prejudice to me, and it would whether the woman in question was 80 or 20 (plenty of prejudiced people about of all ages). Not enough to complain about by itself, but I for one think it's nice that you have your colleague's back. The world will get better if we look out for each other over things like this. Yes, challenge this woman next time you let her in!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 26/07/2017 23:11

Mmmm so she doesn't with anyone else just your colleague who's Asian...

Yeah I'd still kill her with kindness - big smiles, every time she walks past Grin

MusicForTheJiltedGeneration · 26/07/2017 23:13

Where on earth do you work where you have an (approx.) 80 year old colleague?!

Confused Hmm
ilovesooty · 26/07/2017 23:15

Approximately 80? Really?

TamzinGrey · 26/07/2017 23:16

Whether she was being racist or not, I don't blame her for looking sour faced if she's still slogging away in an office in her eighties.

steff13 · 26/07/2017 23:18

Did this happen one time, or multiple times?

She may be racist, but she may also have legitimately never seen the colleague before, or at least never noticed her or whatever, whereas she did recognize the OP. There really isn't any way to know for sure.

With my employer, we're required to have our badges visible on our persons at all times. We're not permitted to let anyone else in on our badge, whether we know them or not (typically what we do is one of us will swipe their badge and hold the door open, then each other person swipes his/her badge on the way through). If I see someone on the floor that I don't recognize and who doesn't have a badge visible, and I am expected to ask to see their badge and call security if they don't have one.

I work for the government, though.

steff13 · 26/07/2017 23:21

So, anyway, point was:

  1. If this has only happened once, I wouldn't chalk it up to racism. If she does it every time she sees the colleague, I would feel differently.
  1. If you work somewhere where you have to have a badge to access the location, I think you have to expect to show your badge when asked.
Mumof56 · 26/07/2017 23:26

Maybe the 80 year olds eyesight isn't perfect and she genuinely didn't recognise the lady?

augustusglupe · 26/07/2017 23:36

Your over thinking it!!
She made a statement of fact...that there's a lot going on in the world..well she's right, there is.
She wasn't being racist atall Confused Jeez

MargaretTwatyer · 26/07/2017 23:37

If she's 80 her not remembering is quite understandable.

MissBax · 26/07/2017 23:38

How is this racist? If she'd said it to a man would it be sexist? If she said it to a gay man would she be homophobic? She just didn't recognise her and asked for her ID.

Lanaorana2 · 26/07/2017 23:43

There are bigger issues out there than this if you're really worried about tackling racism. God, I sound sanctimonious, but really, time and effort better spent elsewhere.

GabsAlot · 26/07/2017 23:46

just ask for hr Id next time whilst smiling an saying well you knowhow it is these days

5OBalesofHay · 26/07/2017 23:47

Why are you assuming that she's about 80, and that her age is relevant? Are you ageist?

ZebraOwl · 26/07/2017 23:48

Totally different thing if your colleague had been trying to sneak in behind her, but holding the door open is very different behaviour... The "with what's going on in the world" comment is potentially rather loaded given your colleague's ethnicity - does she wear a hijab, or what might be considered "non-western" clothing?

However, as awful as it sounds, people DO frequently struggle with the cross-race effect - unsurprisingly enough, the less you mix with/are exposed to images of, people of other ethnicities, the harder you find it to recognise individuals of ethnicities other than your own. When one of my friends moved from Hong Kong to the UK for university she really struggled because to her all the white people looked like each other & she was terrified about mixing everyone up while trying to settle in & make friends. Trying to help her figure it out made me actually think about the features I use to identify people. Was kind of interesting. So it might have been that the woman from the other team who challenged your colleague genuinely didn't recognise her - she just saw A Woman Of Colour With A Passcard: because Colleague was removed from the context of her desk etc, Questioning Woman wasn't certain that she was her (as it were) - and probably wasn't comfortable admitting it, hence being so short when she made her exit.

So yes, it's possible it was a racist comment, but not really possible to tell & hopefully it was genuinely just that she didn't recognise your colleague, you're meant to challenge people you don't recognise if they're accessing secure areas etc, & was a bit embarrassed & not sure how best to handle it.

As PPs have said, no need at all to comment on her facial expression - describing her as "sour-faced" is not only unnecessary but also instantly makes her an unsympathetic character. Clearly plenty of people on here reject the attempt to create a [subconscious] bias against her, but it's not exactly a level playing field, setting your lovely colleague against what you're basically painting as a Wicked Old Witch. On the basis of age & what attaining said age has done to her face. Better hope life is kind to you OP, no?

Hintreppit · 26/07/2017 23:49

Yes she was being racist. I wouldn't blow it up into anything now I'd just keep an eye and ear on that old woman- who the hell does she think she is?

fuzzywuzzy · 26/07/2017 23:52

Yes she the sour faced woman was being racist.

Your Indian colleague had just used her ID card to open the door, so clearly had access to the building, it was no business of the sour faced woman to demand to see the ID unless it's part of her job.

Your Indian colleague sounds sweet. I'd ask for the sour faced woman's ID next time and use exactly the same reason for doing so as she did your colleague. See if she thinks it's reasonable.

CatsRidingRollercoasters · 26/07/2017 23:52

Yabu and also ageist. What does her being 80 have to do with anything?!

BertrandRussell · 26/07/2017 23:54

She was being racist.

You are being ageist.

Meowstro · 27/07/2017 00:05

I don't see it that way. I'd covered our company's reception desk on and off for a week, usually everyone has their cards. One day a woman asked me to let her in so I asked who she was, her name and why she was there and it turned out she was a director of the company Blush I asked due to various threats called in, in the area around that time. She was a white, middle aged, mumsy woman but you do have to be careful about these things. I think it may have been worded badly by the woman at your office but perhaps she'd have been the same with anyone.

Meowstro · 27/07/2017 00:10

Hmm, I read your update, strange she's never asked anyone else. In that case, possibly so!

requestingsunshine · 27/07/2017 00:12

I'd say not racist. She just didn't recognise her. If she is just someone she walks past and doesn't engage with why would she necessarily recognise her? Some people just don't take that kind of detail in,

stonecircle · 27/07/2017 00:12

And I said approximately 80. I wasn't exaggerating. I wasn't being ageist at all!

Of course you were being ageist! Why on earth is her age relevant?

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