Or is my dad's DP?

[notcinderella]

I'd like some perspective on my situation.

I'm a student, home for the summer. My parents split 2 years ago and I live with my dad as my mum and I don't get on (she was emotionally abusive throughout my childhood). I have a younger sister with special needs. My Dad has a DP, she doesn't live here but stays a few nights a week when her kids (7&9) are at their dad's. Since I've been back, she's made it very clear she resents my presence entirely! Some examples:

• I am apparently taking the piss because I don't pay rent when at home, despite being in full time education. I do contribute by looking after the house...
• ... which of course isn't enough. I do all laundry (including hers), ironing, cook 3-4 times a week, food shopping, generally cleaning and tidying.
• I get a monthly allowance as agreed by my mum and dad, this as been in place since I've been at uni (before she was even around). I also have a part time job which funds my social life etc, but I shouldn't get anything at all apparently.
• I am to make myself completely scarce when she and my dad are here - fair enough, but even if i just stay in my room I am 'ruining the mood'.
• She sulks whenever we do anything as a family (e.g. going for a meal). She clearly wants it to just be her, my dad and her kids! (Who I am also expected to babysit for free so she can go on the piss).

I could go on, but those are the main ones. I'm not a wild teenager by any means - if I ever go clubbing I stay at a friend's, so no coming in late. I always text my dad to say where I am and when I'll be back - he's fine with that. My dad is great, but it's anything for a quiet life with him.

*unis

Tell him that you love him and he can do much better and deserves much better after his marriage.

But it might not work. She might move in. Be prepared.

I'd get a hidden camera set up and tape her being an arse and show him.
My friend was looking after her mil and her mil was vile to her, throwing things etc., her Dh would have none of it until she caught it all on hidden camera.
You have done nothing wrong.

OP YANBU. I don't have any advice as I was in a similar situation and I am now NC with my father unfortunately. I agree with PP that she is probably jealous of you and also that your Dad has a type. Good luck, try to rise above her behaviour.

You sound lovely she is jealous. You have been through a lot. Continue to say fuck off endlessly in your head.

YANBU

At the absolute very least, you must stop doing her laundry and babysitting, and any other jobs that benefit her.

Any time she makes one of her nasty digs, ask to repeat herself - it'll put her on the spot. If she does it when your dad isn't around, make a point of calling him over and asking her to repeat it in front of him. Hopefully that might get her to stop, or at least reign it in a bit.

I don't have any advice as I was in a similar situation and I am now NC with my father unfortunately.

Same situation here. I only wish I'd said more, sooner, calmlyz Because saying little and smiling through didn't prevent things deteriorating.

You can move in here! Two of mine are back and whilst lovely it does mean a huge, ever growing pile of laundry, a fridge that empties within minutes of the Ocado delivery, no fruit in the fruit bowl, and a purse with no change as they take it for parking. My car disappears frequently too. we pay a generous allowance and don't expect term time working. The medic doesn't do holiday job but the linguistic does as she wants to do a months travelling and doesn't like roughing it.
Your doing just fine and she is being jealous and unkind. Your father is wanting an easy life, I'm afraid. The phrase '"when did you start feeling so angry?" often pulls them up short.

My sympathy OP. My DF has a partner like this and as a result I haven't seen him for nearly 20 years. He has never met my children even though he only lives 3 miles away. At the end of the day he has enabled the whole situation though.

Is she still staying there even though your dad is away?

She sounds like a right cow. Just remember to bring a shit ton of pebbles when she takes you for that walk in the woods...

On a serious note, is this your father's first partner since he split from your mother? If not, how have previous gfs been towards you?

How are you OP?

Yes, how are you? Is your Dad make yet?

I'm afraid I experienced similar with my dad's girlfriend (now wife) and she clearly resented our relationship. I too had to 'go home' for the first summer holiday at uni; I stayed in my uni city all year after that. Unfortunately she successfully drove a wedge between us (and almost ruined my wedding with her antics) and I barely talk to my dad now. It seems, in the case of both my parents, that parents cease to have parental responsibility once they remarry if their offspring are already adults :(

I think they are both as bad as each other. Your dad's girlfriend's personality and awful comments are just more immediately obvious but, even though you are an adult, your dad should not be allowing his girlfriend to make you feel unwelcome in your home or enabling her behaviour for an easy life. Sorry you ar going through this.

My DP and I supported my DSS financially all through f/t education, which included uni. I would think that this is the norm.