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AIBU?

To think of going away without dp

11 replies

Buddah101 · 26/07/2017 08:43

To cut a long story short - the past 3 years I have cared for my nan and stepdad, who both sadly passed away from cancer. Fil was also diagnosed with cancer and is on palliative care at home now too, DP is now caring for him with his mum, He's not too bad right now, still walking around/eating etc but we all know its only a matter of time.

My dilemma is this - I need to get away, I've been through so much the past few years (not just losing family members but wont bore you all), My last holiday was 2009, Before he died my stepdad told us all to go away with the money he'd left us. Now ive spoken to dp about it and quite rightly he doesnt want to leave - completely understand this I couldn't either in his position.

But aibu to think of taking myself and ds off somewhere for a week - hes now 5 and has never been anywhere due to use either having no money of looking after family members, I'm in a position for the 1st time I could just go and book today and be gone tomorrow but i'm wrestling with what type of person leaves their partner while there parent is terminally ill - and then I think back to when my nan was dying a week before her death dp left to go to france for a weekend, leaving me with caring around the clock for her and a 3 yr old to look after - This is not tit for tat but it does stay on my conscious when I wonder if I should go or not. Ive not told dp my idea so not sure how he'd react - he'd actually probably tell me to go and be happy at least our ds is going somewhere.

So what would you do, take him or stay out of duty?

OP posts:
tissuesosoft · 26/07/2017 08:45

Go! The break will do you the world of good and would help your DP in the long term when you return (by you being more rested etc)

ShatnersWig · 26/07/2017 08:46

Your DS is a red herring. It won't harm him that he's never been anywhere at the age of 5. I'm 43, and the first time I ever went on holiday I was 14 because we had no money. I never went abroad until 5 years ago. Didn't damage me.

That aside, I think you should go.

TheNaze73 · 26/07/2017 08:48

I agree with tissues

It'll do the both of you, the world of good. Time apart in a relationship is healthy & constructive.

Nothing grows in shadows. Have a good well earned rest

DD0314 · 26/07/2017 08:49

I would go. We all need a break sometimes and I'm sure your partner would agree it will do you good. You can call/FaceTime when you're away and it'll be good for your son too.

Rhubarbtart9 · 26/07/2017 08:50

Go. You and your DS need the break. Also your DH will benefit from a refreshed wife as you go into another difficult period. You could always aim to all go away together after your Fil has passed

MrsJayy · 26/07/2017 08:51

Just book somewhere you really don't need to justify anything to anybody I know you are trying to find "good reason" to go but it really is ok to go on holiday with your son just because.

museumum · 26/07/2017 08:53

It sounds like your FIL is not in his final weeks? If that's the case and you want to go now I think you should go and come back rested and better able to support your dp emotionally when FIL does pass.
However if you'd rather wait and go with dp too in six months or so that would be nice too (and more restful with dp to share the childcare)

Rhubarbtart9 · 26/07/2017 08:53

So two holidays!

Also I'd really recommend taking your DS to the seaside. The water, coastline, sea air is very good for the soul. Fish and chips, paddling, rock pooling, fancy icecreams, boats bobbing on the water.

Buddah101 · 26/07/2017 09:03

Thats what im also thinking museummum I'm constantly comparing him to previous experiences and I know I shouldnt.

Ideally I would love for dp to come too as a family, but understand hes not keen to so thats fine. I also thought maybe we should wait until fil has passed but would he really want to go on holiday right after? with ds at school were on limited time due to them now allowing no time off for holidays. Just feels like we've been waiting for years for a perfect time to all go away and with everything thats happened it's just not happening anytime soon.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 26/07/2017 09:50

Sorry for the loss of your Nan and step-dad, that must have been so hard. And I can totally understand why you need a holiday. But I could never leave my DH when his father was dying. Given you're still hurt about him leaving when your Nan was dying, I don't understand why you'd want to do this tbh. Sorry to be the lone dissenting voice!

But if you think your DP genuinely wouldn't mind then I guess it's okay. I'd make sure I didn't go anywhere I couldn't get back from quickly though.

LML83 · 26/07/2017 21:04

I would stay. Couldn't enjoy it without him and would feel guilty.

But everyone is different. Maybe your partner would appreciate some time alone to focus on his dad.

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