To feel like he is milking it.

[Girlwithgreeneyes76]

Dh and I are in our early 40's. Both of us have long term health conditions but Tbf dh's is probably more severe. I pretty Much take on all the home responsibility bar DIY and gardening due to dh having a full time job and I am self employed and work when I can.
More recently dh has been unable to do things like DIY and the garden at the weekend due to his health condition. So I have had to outsource this work along with dealing with 3 DC.
Aibu to suspect for a second that he is trying it on abit. I do accept he can't do the heavy physical stuff like mowing the lawn butI believe he could wipe down a worktop when he makes. Mess Just after I cleaned it etc.
3rd Dd wasn't planned and I think he was quite reluctant to take on additional responsibility at the start when he was more able.
So Aibu to suspect he could do more.
He even admitted to a friend he was fine yesterday at work and when he met up with said friend for a drink. Yet on a normal night he watches TV. Upset and leaves me to it
Weekends also tend to be me doing lions share whilst he plays computer games etc. Unless we are going somewhere. Usually of his choice.
Do aibu

YANBU. He is milking it.

You need a frank conversation with him. If he can work outside of the home, then he can work inside the home (to the extent that he can).

Make it clear you won't be a mug.

Yep... vast difference between mowing and putting your dishes away!

As somebody with chronic illnesses and is basically in pain all the time, if he can game, he can wipe the counter after himself and do the washing up.

Depression and anxiety surrounding cleaning are another beast entirely, but yeah, it sounds like he's milking it. You should be doing an even split of childcare/housework/work, not you doing everything because he's incapable even though he can go out with mates and play games.

my 75 year old neighbour with MS mows the lawn. he is not trying it on a bit, he is royally taking the piss.

STBXH did this to me. He fully admitted to it too. It was a major contributing factor to our marriage ending.

I don't think its a fair necessarily a fair assumption tbh. You say he 'admitted' he was fine to a friend, but maybe he was just masking feeling ill? My OH has a long term illness, he works full time and can do bits for himself but I wouldn't hold it against him if he left things lying around. I know how much his illness affects him physically and mentally, and work drains him, so I'll leave him to it, he feels shit enough as it is. He also tells anyone, who isn't immediate family, that he is fine.

Tbh I do feel bad for thinking it but when I have flare ups of my sciatica I just get on with it. My other conditions are generally more manageable and I am physically more able to do things.
I know his illness is unpredictable and it could be a coincidence. It it just seems he can walk when he wants to.
Also agree not wiping up your own crumbs is lazy. He cannot carry his plates and stuff down as he needs two hands to get up and downstairs.
Equally he could pair up socks whilst watching telly every week day evening.

Plates and cups understandable.

Most men are cheeky and lazy.

Don't be a fool - talk to him calmy and set out how things are going to be from now on. Fortunately most men also follow clear instructions without getting bitchy about it.

""my 75 year old neighbour with MS mows the lawn. he is not trying it on a bit, he is royally taking the piss.""

That is meaningless. I'm 49, look well and couldn't mow my own lawn. It isn't helpful to play top trumps when it comes to physical activities for disabled people.

OP, he is taking the piss, gaming takes a lot of energy, if he can game he can potter about, pacing himself doing jobs.

I manage (I live alone), by always tidying up after myself. That should be a minimum requirement.

But if he can go out for a drink, then he can do a job at home.

I've had to let my social life go, so my home life isn't chaos.

"He cannot carry his plates and stuff down as he needs two hands to get up and downstairs."

Is your dining room upstairs from your kitchen then? Any way of reworking the house so they are on the same floor?

He eats in the bedroom. Likes to put feet up and watch TV in peace. Well snacks and gaming room upstairs too.
Does have family meals downstairs at weekend but during the weeks snacks in the evening as eats in canteen at work.

O and today I ventured into the bathroom he uses. Toilet unflushed (only urine) and shaving foam in sink.
I have just closed the door on it.

So he can carry plates UP the stairs then?

He gets kids to do it.