To think SS usually won't remove children who are 'just' being emotionally abused?

[daisymeadowsky]

I've put 'just' in inverted commas not because it isn't serious but because I mean no other issues, no sexual abuse or neglect.

If a parent is calling a child names, denying them access to normal popular culture, insulting them, bullying them really - it seems to me very unlikely SS would intervene.

Or am I wrong?

That doesn't give any SS employee the right to be rude or insubordinate.

Roses I agree with you and that would apply to any profession. At least you took it upon yourself to complain though.

Hopefully you feel better for it. There are many SW who are not rude or disrespectful and there is a governing body whom you can complain to if they breach the codes

SWs should be courteous, of course, but just because you clearly think you are better than them doesn't oblige them to agree with you. As far as they are concerned, you are just another potential child abuser trying to hide behind money and status. (Yes, I know that you are not, and that your DC was unwell, and that must have been harrowing, but sadly this happens sometimes. You are not owed deference by anyone.)

I am owed basic courtesy. I am also owed the principle of innocent until proven guilty. And actually someone who thinks they can address me by my surname alone is so ignorant that I am afraid they should be deferent. Had I not been extremely vulnerable and depressed I'd have asked him who he thought he was speaking to.

Deference shouldn't be expected no. But I hope you agree equality should.

As a foster carer I can tell you that the children I am looking after at present (not from the same family) are all in care because of emotional abused. Though I agree that the boundaries between emotional neglect are abuse are blurred. And when I think back over the last dozen children I have had, just three had suffered physical or sexual abuse. I actually care for children whose needs are particularly great, and in some ways suffering from physical abuse is actually easier for them to grasp. You can help a child to understand that physical violence is wrong, though of course that has a huge affect on their emotional needs. However, when the child has to try and understand the complexity of the emotional abuse/neglect they have suffered, it can be harder for them to understand. Just in my limited experience of course.

I wouldn't have minded so much if any concern had been shown for dd. The individual didn't even ask how she was after the visit to A&E. I had a conversation with an ignorant arse who asked me if the family needed support. I asked what that support would be and he just asked the q again in broken English. It was most unsatisfactory and if this is the quality of SS no wonder children die.

Tbh roses SS usually just refer families to external agencies anyway (for support) they can rarely offer it themselves.

SW are not always concerned about general health issues they are likely to be concerned only if you are causing them or exacerbating them.

Not ideal I know. Again it comes down to LA and what SW you get.

ohthe no I didn't miss it. Just ignored it. Because whilst it might be the truth for you, emotionally abusive parents don't generally go about telling everyone they couldn't give one. Especially naice mc ones who are better equipped to play the game. Fwiw I also had a lot of private 'treatment' and a dx for something I don't have and never did. It just helped keep up appearances and the dx was a great one when anyone got suspicious.

I get you had a bad experience, and in your case they were wrong. But you don't seem to understand the other side of the coin when/if ss judge on appearances only.

Granted now most dc in my position would be removed, hopefully sooner, often later. But lots of dc who are going through what I did are having their abuse enabled because the adults around them are doing what you believe should happen and deciding the parents are decent based on how they appear. And also enabled by those cunts who think emotional abuse isn't proper abuse.

And if I had to choose between every parent in the uk experiencing what you did, to save one child from what I experienced, then I'll be first in the queue to be treated like shit by a twatty sw like yours.

The twit I dealt with didn't have the language skills to signpost.

I am sorry for your suffering lurked. Sadly I don't think the ignorant wear who phoned me up would have had the competencies to help you.

First time dd saw CAMHS they closed her case. I complained. 2nd time, after the a&e issue which happened when she was much improved and not cutting or od'ing nearly as much they backtracked on providing her with support after an emergency referral. I complained a 2nd time. So they reported me to SS for being overprotective. AS didn't even contact me after that.

As a matter of principle the entire issue has been reported to the NHS ombudsmen. Not SS because the people in charge did actually apologise and were transparent in discussions.

Service standards in this country for young people with mh issues are retrograde and reductive in connection with parents who are doing their very best

It is only partially about resources. Much of it is about people who are working very very hard to deliver the bare minimum.

SWs should be courteous, of course, but just because you clearly think you are better than them doesn't oblige them to agree with you. As far as they are concerned, you are just another potential child abuser trying to hide behind money and status.
I and most social workers I know don't have that approach. I try to have an open mind and lots of parents I've worked with have been pretty inspirational in their own way.

Clearly I can't speak for the whole country but in my area children would not be removed for this. We have case loads longer than are arms. Where would they all go? Who would fund it all? We are crying out for foster careers for children whose current foster careers have given them 28 days notice!
We try to work with the family using a multi agency approach. We offer the Strenthening families Programme, family support, adolescent support, hold regular Children in Need meetings to monitor situations, unannounced visits etc.
There can be emotional abuse without neglect. One of our cases is a very bright girl of 15 whose mother calls her all the names under the sun e.g., she is a useless cunt, a waste of space , etc but has a nice house, food, never misses school etc.

Children are removed but only if every thing else has failed and it is an extreme case.
As I said am only speaking from my expierences from a small Northern town.

AFAIK social services are so overstretched it's literally a case of firefighting and helping the children in the most danger.

This ^.
I have a friend who's a SW and they are so overstretched that they spend all their time on those children in immediate physical danger. Social work has been desperately underfunded for years and it's the children who are most vulnerable who are losing

In my experience, SS tend to go after the following:

Sexual abuse
Lone parents
Drink/drug issues
Violence
Mental Health issues.

Basically, anything where a third party is involved i.e. police, DWP, police or support services or GP, MH services.

A lone parent with alchohol dependency would be strung up by them whereas a raging alcoholic married to a rich man who works in the city and lives in a fancy house with a cleaner wouldn't be touched by them.

A lone parent with alchohol dependency would be strung up by them whereas a raging alcoholic married to a rich man who works in the city and lives in a fancy house with a cleaner wouldn't be touched by them.

Firstly, bollocks, and secondly, a lone parent with an addiction poses more risk to children than a couple where one parent can be protective. That applies whether the couple are rich or poor. It is also fact that having financial resources eases things. People with money can pay nannies and holiday clubs and private rehab facilities so they are less likely to come to the notice of social services but believe me they do sometimes

Money money money. QED.

I hope you wouldn't have spoken to me as though I was scum then Newdaylight. After being reported by A&E because my dd had taken a tiny o/D it it was supposedly a protocol referral.

I don't bother even trying to be collabirativecwith nurses/SS types any more in any setting. Not that I expect to deal with SS again re our children. It's Mrs Roses always and I note everything now and reiterate in writing. Cold professional relationships from now on where I will always ask about your level, background and experience just as I woukd any other professional adviser. It's called due diligence and without a court order I and my family are the customer and you lot are supposed to be providing a service. In the real world if you are as rude as those I've dealt with you woukd lose my business.

whats popular culture?

The whole system needs to be revamped were I live social services are the total scum of the earth remove children without looking at the facts but my Daughter is with my mum and id rather it be that than care