To think this is weird?

[ParanoidAndroidxoxox]

I'm on a grad scheme where you have to do three exams at a time, in two days - this is very stressful. For various reasons I did one and will take the rest at a later stage. A work friend knew I was going to do this but was under the impression I would take two and defer one.

During the run up to the exams, we texted discussing our revision plan and I let her assume I was still doing two - I didn't explicitly say I wasn't and decided to chat to her another time, after exams. It of course did soon transpire that I was just doing the one; she laughed and jokingly said oh why didn't you say but we left it.

The exams were over a month ago and she just has just brought things up now and accused me of lying by omission re the whole situation. I'm quite shocked and don't understand why it's such a big deal? She has passed so it's not a jealousy thing. She used the word lying and I feel quite sick and hurt that this is how she thinks of me.

You let her believe something that you knew wasn't true. You knew that she thought you were doing two exams and you deliberately perpetuated her misconception. That's deceitful, whether or not you consider it actively lying.

She's probably angry because it seems like such an odd and pointless thing to mislead her about, which is disconcerting. When someone lies about everyday things, it undermines your faith in them a bit, which can be hard if you thought you were close to them.

"I was ashamed I was only doing the one and was nervous she would be angry" - that's absolutely fair enough. Yes, you did lie and yes, it is understandable why you lied, during what must have been a stressful time for you - but you can't now be genuinely confused as to why she's annoyed you lied. She has validity to her feelings too - from her perspective, you just lied. She doesn't know why - so tell her. Explain how you were feeling.

I can't understand why either she (or most of the posters on this thread) think it's any of their business how many exams you were taking. It's not their business, whatever they may or may not have thought. Next time she brings it up, just say that the reason is a private matter and change the subject.

I'm with Wayfarer. It's the OP's business and if she didn't want to talk about it that's fair enough. She's not accountable to this woman.

"She's probably angry because it seems like such an odd and pointless thing to mislead her about, which is disconcerting. When someone lies about everyday things, it undermines your faith in them a bit, which can be hard if you thought you were close to them."
Exactly this. I can see why you are mystified by her reaction OP - if i were you I'd be a bit as well - bit I think it's safe to say that she can't understand why you 'lied' about something so small, some people take this kind of thing quite seriously (rightly or wrongly)

Its not the fact that its none of her business, it's the pointless deception that's annoying. I had a friend that used to do this a lot. She would lead me to believe something indirectly or outright lie about silly things that had no bearing on me. I gave up on the friendship after a while. I felt I was wasting my time having pointless conversations that I didn't know whether to believe and weren't important anyway. Don't make a habit of it.

but why does it matter? I'd have assumed you were embarrassed for whatever reason and left it, it's not like you sitting or not sitting the exams affected her really.

So she found out ages ago that you only did one exam and she's bringing it up now?

What business is it of hers how many exams you do?

Why does she care? Is she angry because she thinks you got off lightly by only doing one?

How many exams you do and and at what point you do them is your business and also between you and your employer.

I don't get why she's so angry when it's not really anything to do with her and she's also passed.

Honestly I wouldn't consider her much of a friend.

Ps it sounds like she is overly invested in your business.

However a word of advice: either tell no one your business or be up front. It'll save hassle like this

I guess she brought it up after a month because it's still bugging her that you misled her for no discernible reason.

I can't understand why she cares. Is she usually over sensitive and upset by things that don't have anything to do with her?

Lying by omission or not, what exams you take and wheel is none of her business. I would find it weird if a friend got upset about this unless it directly affected them, which this does not.

Is this the first time you have seen each other since the phone call when you told her that you had only did one? If so I can see why she is bringing it up now.

OP, I suspect there is more to this than you're letting on. I find your responses quite strange.

Feckin said

why did you think she would be angry, surely it's nothing to do with her how many exams you are taking?

Instead of explaining why you thought she would be angry, you reply

I agree - I therefore don't understand why she's angry now!

So you skirted the question to avoid answering.

Then you said I don't like being called a liar when I'm not one!

Miseryloves said

You most certainly lied by omission

And you reply Jesus but does it really matter though?

You again skirt the issue.

Maybe you suffer from paranoia and she has become a little exasperated by it?