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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want to be sole entertainer?

10 replies

AaarghUsername · 25/07/2017 11:28

My mother is disabled and lives with me, but our problems go back way beyond this.

She is and has always been a narcissistic parent, and my sister and I have long endured her manipulations. I have had extensive therapy to help me identify and deal with some of her behaviours, which has helped immensely and "trained" her into different approaches, which obviously helps our relationship keep more even.

The biggest problem I have at present is that she expects me to keep her entertained constantly - taking her out for the day, chatting, etc, and it's getting to a point where I am struggling to cope.

She has few friends (mainly because she never contacts them - they have to come to her and if they don't get in touch "in a timely fashion" they are dead to her. Have tried to explain that she can just as easily reach out to them but... sigh), and will usually not want to see them unless I take her to do so. She will state "she's bored" and huff and sigh all over the house like a teenager.

I already do all the housekeeping, garden, shopping, etc due to her disability, and feel that her making me responsible for entertaining her is a step beyond. She is not completely housebound - she can walk a little with crutches, and has a mobility scooter (which I organised for her) so can get around, but she will not go anywhere without me.

I just feel I need some "me-time". I used to have the early mornings to myself as she wouldn't get up until half nine, but she's starting to get up at 7 now, and demands a cup of tea.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MissionItsPossible · 25/07/2017 11:39

You need to sort something before you snap and get resentful. Flowers

Are there other family members locally close by? Does she have any hobbies or local groups she can join in without you being there? I know it's hard but for the sake of your sanity you need a break.

justilou · 25/07/2017 11:39

Sign her up to some kind of old ducks' club where they collect them in a bus. Tell her you have a big surprise for her and to get ready to go out. When the bus turns up, smile and wave buhbyeeeee and go and nap on the couch in front of shitty Telly.

Justhadmyhaircut · 25/07/2017 11:40

Get on eBay and get her a teas made for starters. .

HipsterHunter · 25/07/2017 12:24

Sign her up to some kind of old ducks' club where they collect them in a bus. Tell her you have a big surprise for her and to get ready to go out. When the bus turns up, smile and wave buhbyeeeee and go and nap on the couch in front of shitty Telly.

Good plan!

horsefeathers · 25/07/2017 12:29

What happens if you ignore the huffing? If you set her up with a cuppa and whatever she needs in reach, told her you had a headache if necessary, and then shut yourself upstairs in your room with tablet/book? Would she barge in? Cos if not, you're not obliged to care about her bad mood.

liquidrevolution · 25/07/2017 12:32

Why does she live with you??? I think you need your own space away from her.

GoldenHoops · 25/07/2017 12:33

Red cross is brilliant for "the old ducks club"🐧 (couldn't find a duck). I can't remember how much it costs but it's worth it! Also local churches often run clubs and lunches

MistressDeeCee · 25/07/2017 12:37

Why are you doing this to yourself? Seriously, why?!!

Look into outreach activities for her age group/disability. Get her a teasmade as a pp has suggested

She can't rule you unless you allow her to, can she? Put some houserules in place! & don't be dictated by her moods. We can all get in a mood, can't we?

Honestly..you're an adult and your life is being drained, for what? Sorry to sound harsh but I cannot bear it when people spoil their DCs lives and get away with it "because Im the parent". Fuck it. You deserve a life and happiness too

MrsCharlieD · 25/07/2017 13:05

Are you her primary carer? Do you have any interests outside of the house? A job, a partner, a hobby? Rather than find things for her to do I would just start being busier myself. Just go out and leave a note, say you're meeting friends or something. You will definitely become resentful if you allow this to carry on and your mum sounds like she needs some independence herself.

flumpybear · 25/07/2017 13:21

Get her on a programme quickly with one of the suggestions above!! This would drain the life from me!! Can you investigate assisted living places perhaps? She may be joy the other people in the complex?

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