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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to cancel the babysitter?

26 replies

Babysitterwoe · 25/07/2017 08:48

We arranged to meet a new babysitter this morning and have her watch our DD for a few hours. 20 minutes before the agreed time we receive a text saying she'll be 10-15 minutes late...not ideal, but fair enough?

She's now 45 minutes late, no answers to phone call or text. WIBU to say don't bother (will tell a white lie saying we have an appointment so need to go out so it won't work now as she's too late). The truth is of course we want someone reliable that will turn up at least vaguely on time, I can't figure out whether I'm being incredibly rude to cancel like this and should give her the benefit of the doubt? So disappointed as having a difficult pregnancy and desperately hoped we'd found someone reliable Sad.

OP posts:
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 25/07/2017 08:51

15min lateness with messages would be ok with me, everyone can have transport problems. 45 signals poor planning and I'd probably cancel.

2014newme · 25/07/2017 08:51

Are you really leaving baby with someone you've never met?
Ate they dbs checked and referenced etc?
We used nursery nurses from dcs nursery is that an option?

Penny4UrThoughts · 25/07/2017 08:53

I'd cancel. That's not the sign of a good babysitter (unless there's major tailbacks on the road to get to you)

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 25/07/2017 08:55

Id cancel. You'll never relax and fully trust her after this. Say you have a hospital appointment and need to go at a certain time - you'll be stressing about if she turns up on time/at all

Where did you find her? Can you post on a local Facebook page for recommendations? second the idea of getting a nursery nurse too - that worked out well for a lot of our friends

luckylucky24 · 25/07/2017 08:55

Is this the first time you have met her?

I would cancel and I wouldn't even make up an excuse. "Sorry but we are withdrawing our request for childcare due to such poor timekeeping. We are uncomfortable with lateness, especially on a first day." She needs to know it is not okay. You are doing her no favours by lying to her.

Acopyofacopy · 25/07/2017 08:56

Cancel, and tell the babysitter exactly why!

ChasedByBees · 25/07/2017 08:57

I'd cancel too.

Leaspr · 25/07/2017 08:58

Cancel. You already feel unsure about her and she isn't even there yet. It wouldn't exactly fill me with confidence that she is non-contactable and half an hour late on top of what she said she'd be. If she can't even time manage effectively then I'd be worried she wasn't competent enough to look after my child. The fact she hasn't contacted you herself to apologise profusely would be enough for me.
Would you feel comfortable now going out and leaving her with your child?

Original poster
Babysitterwoe · 25/07/2017 08:58

Thanks for the replies. 15 minutes would absolutely be fine with me too. It's been almost an hour now so we've cancelled. Feel incredibly guilty for some reason though!

2014newme, no don't worry, not leaving her with a random stranger! Our plan was for both me and DH to meet with her, have a chat and then have her babysit (but I was going to stay home for this trial run - I'll actually be home most of the time the babysitter's here as it's mainly to give me chance to rest).

OP posts:
DirtyChaiLatte · 25/07/2017 08:58

Why do you need to tell a white lie to save her feelings? Without being harsh with her why not just tell her exactly why you're cancelling? That way she'll learn that tardiness isn't acceptable when you're looking for a job.

Having said that, you don't actually know why she's late. There could have been accident etc.

Sexykitten2005 · 25/07/2017 08:59

If you lie about why they will expect to arrange another time. Tell the truth otherwise how will they learn?

Original poster
Babysitterwoe · 25/07/2017 09:00

Oops cross posted with a few of you. Thank you, I feel much better about cancelling now, you're right, I absolutely wouldn't feel comfortable/able to trust her after such a bad start.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/07/2017 09:00

How did you find her? It sounds like a bad start. I'd probably give up on her.

MammaTJ · 25/07/2017 09:00

I think she cancelled on you, without actually admitting it.

endofthelinefinally · 25/07/2017 09:01

This happened to me with an agency.
When she finally arrived I gave her a snack and drink and sent her home again.
I had missed the meeting I was supposed to attend.
I didnt pay her and explained to the agency why.

Outlookmainlyfair · 25/07/2017 09:02

Agree, cancel and say why.

Pengggwn · 25/07/2017 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear · 25/07/2017 09:03

Yes I'd cancel without giving a reason and if she asks say you're looking for someone with better timekeeping and communication skills

Ashkey234 · 25/07/2017 09:08

I would cancel too.
Imagine her rocking up 45 minutes late every time you needed her.

Tofutti · 25/07/2017 09:09

YANBU. Has she replied to the cancellation text?

Billben · 25/07/2017 09:12

I wouldn't have her. Can't stand lateness.

MoHunter · 25/07/2017 09:15

YWNBU I would've cancelled too.

Original poster
Babysitterwoe · 25/07/2017 09:22

All guilt has disappeared now given that she replied to the cancellation text saying she was going to ask to reschedule anyway. No apology/explanation or anything. We have now explained that unfortunately we need someone reliable.

OP posts:
muddlefuck · 25/07/2017 09:23

When she finally arrived I gave her a snack and drink Hmm why?

endofthelinefinally · 25/07/2017 09:30

She was flustered and I felt a bit sorry for her.
I am a bit if a softie I know. But I didnt pay her.
Also didnt use that agency again