To be a bit peeved with dds nursery

[Tryingtobeanonymous]

Fairly regular user but name changed to avoid the nursery recognising me if anyone there sees! Sorry for the long post.

So in the midst of potty training dd (aged 2). Until now I've been sending her to nursery in nappies still and MIL (looks after her in the afternoons) has been putting her in pants when with her. She's been doing pretty good very few accidents. Spoke to nursery over the past couple of weeks to get them to encourage her with the potty/toilet when they change her. So on the 2nd of 3 days last week nursery told MIL (she collects dd from nursery) that I was welcome to send dd in pants with how well she was doing with it there. I sent her in a nappy the 3rd day as I didn't think she was ready for pants (as poos seemed to take her by surprise still). With no accidents over the past few days I've had her I sent her in pants today. Only to find she's had a rubbish morning with 3 accidents at nursery. However, MIL says the staff told her that dd told them she needed a wee/poo but they didn't take her in time.

Now she's done brilliantly with us when needing to 'hold it' a bit until we get to the potty or toilet so I'm struggling to understand how on 3 occasions they couldn't get her to the toilet in time.

Also no accidents this afternoon with MIL again.

She might have told them later? There are more distractions and it might be harder to get a grown ups attention. I wouldn't get too hung up on it.

I think it's not a rubbish morning that she had 3 accidents. She's 2 so very young and with the best will in the world a nursery will be more fun and busy than home and she might be playing too much to let the staff know quick enough.

Relax she will get there.

You and mil are there hovering and waiting for the signs. Different to a busy nursery environment.

She's probably too young for potty training! 3 is average.

Sounds like she's doing great op, she'll be ok at nursery, it'll just take a little bit longer. Like other posters have said, nursery life is busier and more fun so she'll get distracted more easily. Just send plenty of spares and don't sweat, at least it's summer and extra washing dries easier ;)

The whole nappies at nursery, pants with mum and grandma will have caused her some confusion so I'm not surprised she is not doing as well at nursery as she does with you. Also nursery is a completely different environment she will soon learn to ask louder and earlier.

'The whole nappies at nursery, pants with mum and grandma will have caused her some confusion '

This^

You've taught her that she goes like a baby, in a nappy, at nursery and like a big girl, in pants, at home, so that's what she's doing. She'll get there, stick with pants all the time though.

And she's almost certainly not too young. Loads and loads of children are potty trained pre-three.

Is she just 2 or nearer 3?

She may just be too young?

When they are ready, it's surprisingly quick and easy. But I think you have to be sure it's time and just commit to pants completely, and accept the extra washing for a couple of weeks. Night-time nappies only. They do need a bit of encouragement to do their first poo on the loo/potty, but you can help by sitting them on it at the same time each day when they'd usually have a poo.

Both of mine had more accidents at nursery than at home/elsewhere. Largely because nursery is more exciting -they wouldn't leave an activity to go to the loo. Not the nursery's fault really.

As a nursery practitioner I would add that it is not always possible to take a potty training child to the toilet immediately, although we endeavour to as fast as possible. Our toddler room has 12 two year olds and 3 members of staff. At any given time we can have at least half potty training. There are times when a child indicates that they need to "go", but we are all dealing with other children/snack/nappies etc and can't take them in time. Instead, we encourage them to go to the potty or toilet themselves and call us when they're done. Not easy in the early days, but they soon get the hang of it and we often find that having several accidents in the early days, spurs them on to stay dry.

There is a lot more going on at nursery and less focus on the training than at home. Dc get distracted easily and often fail to feel the signs as early when occupied. It's all part of the process of learning to identify and hold as needed. Sounds like she's doing really well. Keep going if she's happy and the nursery are too

Agree that at nursery there are far more exciting things going on than telling someone you need a wee. So she's probably telling them after or just as she needs to go. You can watch her the whole time and ask her non stop if she needs to go. They're just probably not able to do that. Plus the confusion with sometimes nappies and sometimes pants will be making it harder for her.

2 is not too young for potty training.

It's fine op, have a chat with them and find out what varies in your approach and theirs. You're doing a grand job. I agree with buffering.

OP things were similar with DD. Nursery actually suggested to us to start potty training with her as a few of her peers were doing it so they could all do it together. We weren't quite sure she was ready (she barely spoke at nursery, so we didn't think she'd 'tell' anyone she needed to go) but they encouraged us to go ahead anyway.

After a few days at home we were already relatively accident-free (she was nearly three and ready). Back at nursery, I explained how it had been going but reiterated that there was a good chance she wouldn't tell, that she needed close watching. They agreed. By the time I picked her up 5 hours later however, she had gone through all 5 of her changes of clothes and was wearing wet pants/trousers, unnoticed by the staff.

I felt 'peeved' as well. That's not how I imagined I was going to potty train her. I wouldn't have sent her in in pants if they hadn't encouraged me to and reassured me that they would 'watch' her closely. Which they clearly didn't.
From then on we had 3+ accidents during every nursery session, but none at home - even when we stopped 'watching' all the time. From which DD learned that it is ok to wet yourself and that it dries off all by itself...

It just felt that they didn't really know her. And that although they claim they will do potty training the way you as a parent want to do it, they just do their own thing anyway.

There were some other things we didn't particularly like about this nursery, and have since left.

No OP, YABU.

Not only is the nursery environment busy for staff who may be attending to other children with different needs, it is also busy for a child. Your DD will be totally engrossed in her play and it's so easy and common for children to get distracted and forget they are in knickers.

As nursery nurses we always try to get a child who needs the toilet to a toilet asap, especially a child who is potty training! However your DD could have realised at the last minute and there may have just not been enough time to get there. The amount of times children have said 'MissJ... I need a wee NOW!' or 'I'm weeing!' And I've had to scoop them up and practically run to the bathroom with them. Sometimes we make it, sometimes I get wee'd on.

They could have just been having a really busy and stressful day with lots of children and lots going on, it happens. If you want 1:1 care so there is less chance of accidents you'll have to fork out for a nanny, but there will still be accidents! She's 2, she's still a baby

There really is nothing to be annoyed about here, sorry.

AirandMungBeans has it spot on.
If you want to potty train your child take her out of nursery for two weeks and concentrate solely on training. Then you send her back to nursery as no longer needing nappies. Tell them she will ask when she needs a wee or poo and you expect them to take her to the toilet accordingly.

She's 28mths. I was planning to wait to tackle all this until I felt she was completely ready, but when collecting her from MIL she had been putting dd in pants some or all of the afternoon for the past few weeks, despite me saying I thought she wasn't quite ready for it all. So she was in nappies with me and nursery and pants up to 3 afternoons a week with MIL with changing into a nappy for the drive home. With nursery encouraging pants I decided to bite the bullet and go with pants to try to remove the confusion for dd. (I know MIL is trying to be helpful and I genuinely love her!)

Saying that dds understanding and communication is excellent and I'm fairly sure she understands nappies and pants.

I fully appreciate nursery is busy and exciting for her and that the staff aren't 1:1 and can't always drop everything to take a toddler to the loo. I just don't like to think of her saying she needs to go and being left (albeit unitentionally) to wee/poo herself and thought 3 times in one morning was a bit much. I don't want her to get upset or frustrated and go backwards.
I'm not stressing about it lots. I send lots of spares I just want to make it as simple and easy for dd as possible. When with me, DH or MIL she's very good at saying she needs to go.

I would willingly take time off work to do this but couldn't even get 1 weeks leave for July when I applied many months ahead! So definitely not an option unfortunately.

Brilliotic same as you. I also have other marginal concerns with the nursery and often consider moving her but she is very happy there and is developing brilliantly so have to give them credit and just try to bite my tongue a bit as I'm unsure if it's me being a bit PFB.

Also think it was compounded by nursery requesting more nappies yesterday. Because 1)its only 3 weeks since I took some and she's unlikely to have run out there (with the number of changes she has and the potty toilet use she has been doing last week and this week) and 2) She's in pants! So left me confused as to why they're asking, whether they meant they wanted her sending in nappies?!
This is the problem with 2 different care settings in a day and me not collecting her. Just also happens to be only the 2nd time ever I haven't dropped her at nursery today to clarify this! DH was supposed to ask and surprise surprise he didn't 😩.

Thanks all for the responses.