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To not want to travel post IVF transfer?

16 replies

MelbourneClown03 · 24/07/2017 21:37

Can't decide if I'm being precious and unreasonable or totally justified in my hormone addled state.

We're in the midst of our 3rd IVF cycle (miscarriage on first round and nothing on the second round, if that adds context) and DP wants us to travel to see his parents, once our embryo is put back in, in a few weeks time.

DP's parents are divorced, so it would mean travelling to the Midlands from London, staying a few days in DP's home town (family party to attend while we're there), then travelling on to the North East to see DP's mother and step dad, staying a few days with them and then driving back down to London.

I get on well with both DP's parents and I can see the benefits of a mini holiday but I'm stupidly paranoid that all the driving and travel will be detrimental to the little frostie sticking / staying put. I'll also be away from home and still pumping myself with hormones.

I have compromised and suggested that we go to the Midlands as it's a shorter drive and see his DM another time. DP has become sulky that I'm wanting to veto his 'road trip' and thinks I'm being precious, which perhaps I am Confused

OP posts:

Chattycat78 · 24/07/2017 21:41

I get that it would be a pain if you're having to carry ivf drugs around and stuff. However, tbh it's either going to stick or it isn't. I wouldn't thick travel will make a difference- and in a way would it help to take your mind off it rather than being at home symptom spotting?

I did ivf for Ds1 and I went back to work the day after embryo transfer.


No1special · 24/07/2017 21:42

Having been in your situation, I genuinely do fully understand where you're coming feom and why.

However, if you're sitting in the car, can you have a positive mindset that actually if that is making you sit & do nothing physical, then that's a good thing?

I really don't mean this to sound horrible so please don't take it the wrong way but there is a chance you will be doing that trip with a child in tow which is going to be a lot, lot harder for you - personally I'd get on with it to bide myself some time for a delayed trip in the future.

Hope it all works out well for you & your DP.


MargaretTwatyer · 24/07/2017 21:43

YANBU. But mainly because if it's stressing you out this much beforehand it would be good to have the pressure off. I feel for you both, it's incredibly frustrating having it dominate so much of your life, but if it's causing you worry I think he should gracefully agree.


moggle · 24/07/2017 21:46

Argh it's very difficult. Bear in mind that loads of people have their IVF abroad and so fly short haul very soon after having their transfer so certainly there's no evidence against it. We flew to Munich for a weekend during the 2ww of our 2nd FET (ended up chemical pregnancy).
Having said that the FET that finally worked (#4) was the one where DD (2.5- from our first fresh cycle) came down with chicken pox the day of transfer so I spent 5 days sitting on the sofa with her and dealing with a mostly very distressed toddler, barely thought about the 2ww and I'm convinced it helped. So maybe if you can do plenty of sitting down compared to being at home it'll be fine... and distraction can always be good.
Ultimately with IVF I think you have to ask yourself, whether you will blame yourself if it fails after you do X Y or Z. If you do this trip and it fails will you in your heart think it affected the outcome? That's always guided my decisions made during the 2ww. Hopefully your DH will respect that.
So many good wishes for you, whatever you decide xxx


Chattymummyhere · 24/07/2017 21:52

Yanbu to find it stressful. However honestly it will stick or it won't. My pregnancy I was going down water flumes in the very early stages I don't think anything we do really will change what will happen.

Your dh should understand it's a very stressful time for you and that you don't want to travel.


WaaWaaWaaa · 24/07/2017 21:52

It might help to take your mind off things, but the added stress won't help anything at all. You've fine this twice. You know what you need in the dreaded 2ww. Very best of luck x


JohnnyUtahsWetsuit · 24/07/2017 21:56

I completely understand where you are coming from. I remember mentally apologising to my 'blasto' every time I went to the loo.

That couple of weeks waiting felt like forever. So anything that takes your mind of things may be a good thing. Whether visiting your parents in law constitutes that is another matter, of course!

Best of luck.


Beachbaby2017 · 24/07/2017 21:56

I wouldn't travel. I think travel is stressful on the body and mind, even at the best of times, and while I am absolutely not saying that you need to "just relax," I don't see any harm in erring on the side of not stressing your mind and body. Even if that makes no differences to the chances of it working, it's nice to be kind to yourself during a stressful time.


Chattycat78 · 24/07/2017 21:56

Agree with what other posters say- if you can go and enjoy it/not think about tww- then go. If you can't, and will stress and worry- then don't go. Psychologically you want to think you've given yourself the best possible chance. Evidence I think though, suggests it doesn't matter what you do after embryo transfer (as long as it's not something obvious like drinking!).


Princessgenie · 24/07/2017 21:56

I did on the cycle that finally worked (the 8th) but we drove to a coastal holiday destination where I then chilled and relaxed for nearly two weeks. Our clinic said driving always fine but they recommended no more than two hours at a time before a good wander about to keep you blood flowing nicely x


Aquamarine1029 · 24/07/2017 22:00

I think your partner is being a fucking jerk. This is a HUGELY stressful time for you, and it's YOUR BODY that has had to go through this hell in order to give him a child! The last thing I would want to do is travel at such a delicate, stressful time. Tell your partner to take a long walk off a short pier.


CitySnicker · 24/07/2017 22:01

Will you not have the suppositories to do? You'll possibly end up excusing yourself for 30 mins twice a day to go stick your legs in the air if so (if you're like me).


eurochick · 24/07/2017 22:03

On my 4th round I was supposed to travel to Ireland to see my in laws after transfer. I'm pretty relaxed (did my transfers in lunch hours and pretty much carried on as normal) but do etching told me that dragging suitcases around and having a bit of a mad pre Christmas itinerary was not the right thing to do. Instead I stayed home and relaxed. I've no idea if it had any influence but that round worked.


EarlGreyT · 24/07/2017 22:59

YANBU if you don't want to travel. There isn't any evidence to suggest the driving will affect outcome, but if you don't feel like going then you shouldn't. I also second what PP says about psychologically you want to feel like you've given yourself the best chance of success and if that means not travelling because there will be a niggling what if.... in the back of your mind then you shouldn't do it.


MelbourneClown03 · 24/07/2017 23:17

Thank you for all of your replies. They are so helpful and welcome. You validated my anxieties, which I was beginning to doubt.

The idea about stopping off every couple of hours and walking about, to keep the blood flowing is a great idea. My head absolutely knows that bumping along in a car won't really do any harm to frostie (might even do some good) but my desperate, slightly superstitious heart says why take the risk and the stress? I'll have to excuse myself morning and night to stick things up me and in me but I'm getting quite a dab hand at whipping needles and suppositories out and getting the job done Wink

For some reason I feel quite anxious about not being at home, so from that point of view, I think it'll stress me out. I'll keep talking to DP now I know I'm not being completely ridiculous, and trying to find something we're both happy with. I feel bad for him as he doesn't get up to see either of his parents much but at the same time, I feel a bit like getting our little frostie to stick and stay put needs to be our priority... not to mention keeping my stress levels down.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 24/07/2017 23:38

The issue isn't about the success of your treatment, because normal travelling wouldn't effect that at all, but that's beside the point. What matters is how you feel mentally and physically, and not being made to go somewhere when you don't feel up to it. You don't need to justify how you're feeling to anyone, and that includes your partner. If he really wants to go, then he can have at it. You will stay home.

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