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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed at this male member of staff in the female toilet

80 replies

witchofzog · 24/07/2017 10:24

Part of me thinks I am and part of me is still annoyed. I don't go for a number two very often. Although I have tried different things and got slightly better lately, it is still maybe every 3-4 days. I nearly always try to go at home.

Today on the train I needed to go and knew I wouldnt be able to even wait until I got to work, never mind until I get home. So I head to the quieter toilets at the large station I commute into. Usually if I use them I am the often the only one in there. But today there were a couple of ladies waiting for 3 cubicles.

Finally it's my turn and there is no one else behind me. Although I was desperate I was also a bit constipated so I wasn't sure how long it would take. Literally 1 minute later I hear a male voice. He tells a woman coming out of another cubicle that he is there to replenish the toilet roll. And he just waits and waits. Then he starts spraying air freshener and chunters to himself that he is only waiting now for the person in my cubicle. And still he waits.

I need to go but am feeling really uncomfortable now and under pressure to be quick. But how can I be with a bloody evesdropping man? So I manage half my business and leave the cubicle to a glaring man and now I am enroute to a customer visit feeling slightly better but still uncomfortable.

I get that his job is probably not particularly pleasant and that he wanted to get the toilets done. But really? Did he have to hover and make it so obvious he wanted me out?

OP posts:
Zephyr01 · 24/07/2017 11:23

Good job he wasn't transgender. MN would be in meltdown!

nina2b · 24/07/2017 11:26

I hate seeing a male cleaner in a female loo. It used to happen in our John Lewis. If I came in and found a male there, I would go an about turn and stomp out.

nina2b · 24/07/2017 11:26

...do

nina2b · 24/07/2017 11:28

Bet they don't send female cleaners in men's loos.

OP, I would be inclined to report that. He needs to be taught that he should not do that.

nina2b · 24/07/2017 11:29

Easily done, since he is employed at a station.

MyKingdomForBrie · 24/07/2017 11:30

Oh ffs woe betide anyone still referring to the male/female differential as 'gender' - to say that it 'makes no sense' is just purile. Of course it makes sense. Either in the old accepted meaning of the word or the new - if the toilet attendant was transgender and now a male why would that be any different for OP's feelings on the matter? The possession of a penis may not be in any way apparent to her and her interpretation of 'maleness' would still exist whether or not a schrodinger's sodding dick was in existence or not.

nina2b · 24/07/2017 11:30

As for the "get a grip" people - oh well done.
applauds

nina2b · 24/07/2017 11:31

Ditto those piling in to do the gender thing.Grrrrr

WhamBarsArentAsFizzyAsTheyWere · 24/07/2017 11:37

One if the jobs I have is as a cleaner.

I earn shitty minimum wage, am spoken to like crap, have to do disgusting jobs and am forever getting moaned at for something.

When I have to put toilet rolls in the blokes toilets I could wait forever for it to be empty so I do stand and wait for a few minutes, if I don't I get my head bitten off if there's no toilet roll in a cubicle.

Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Zephyr01 · 24/07/2017 11:37

Bet they don't send female cleaners in men's loos.

Not quite sure who 'they' are, but many places use females to clean male loos.

hmcAsWas · 24/07/2017 11:48

I am unfazed by male cleaners in toilets. However, I do think that this cleaner was rude and made you feel uncomfortable - he could have come back later to replenish loo rolls. What a pig

SapphireStrange · 24/07/2017 11:50

Love the MN response of 'further training"

It was my response, not an 'MN response', whatever that means. Hmm

And I don't know why people think his parents should have taught him that. I didn't learn at my parents' knee how to act when I found myself cleaning loos and faced with an occupied cubicle. I don't see why it's so funny or sneerworthy to suggest that someone doing a job would benefit from some training on how to do that job.

Also, and this is also why sex is relevant, why the fuck didn't he just leave and come back later? I would get some creepy dude vibes from his desire to stick around

That's very sexist. Yes, it's weird and uncomfortable if a cleaner hangs around like this, but I don't see how it's only so because he was a man.

I had a one-off – female – cleaner once (in my house, not at work) and had to ask her to let me have the bathroom for a bit, as I needed a poo while she was cleaning in there. I came out and she'd been standing outside waiting. It was Blush – and I also wondered why she hadn't just got on with something else and then come back when I was done. I'm female and found it embarrassing; nothing to do with sex/gender/creepy intentions and all about not liking the idea of someone standing outside the door while I had a shit.

LurkingHusband · 24/07/2017 11:52

Bet they don't send female cleaners in men's loos.

You'd lose ....

cdtaylornats · 24/07/2017 11:59

He had a job to do - why should he rearrange what he is doing just because of the OPs foibles.

SapphireStrange · 24/07/2017 12:08

That's not fair, cd. The OP doesn't have 'foibles'; she has health issues. Anyway, even someone without any 'foibles' about shitting might have only just got into the cubicle and needed a few minutes to finish their business.

MrsJayy · 24/07/2017 12:44

Not wanting a cleaner hang about while you do the toilet is hardly a foible

witchofzog · 24/07/2017 12:56

Thank you for all your comments. I did think about telling him I might be a while but didn't. I really would not have minded had he been mopping or doing something other than just waiting. It was the waiting that bothered me. I know he has a job to do but I do not want him to wait outside the door. I felt very pressured and uncomfortable

OP posts:
worridmum · 24/07/2017 12:57

Why yes he should of come back later just for another person like op being in the loo how many times should the cleaner have to go away again ? You do know cleaners often have set hours to do all cleaning right? And they might need to be at another premises so YABVU and suck it up

Zephyr01 · 24/07/2017 12:58

The big question though Witch, is did you come out wafting hand in front of face, saying 'I'd give that a minute to breathe.....'

scottishdiem · 24/07/2017 13:15

"Bet they don't send female cleaners in men's loos."

Oh I would take that bet. I would bet every last penny I had and borrow as much as I could to add to the bet. Because I know I would win.

I think the solution to the problem is to basically close toilets while they are being cleaned and restocked. I mean, you will get a ton of complaints about that as well because people like to complain. Or perhaps not have them stocked up and cleaned during opening hours. Because people like to complain about dirty toilets and we would get so many AIBUs about not having toilet roll available to women in toilets (and given the vast range of uses of toilet roll, the complaints about needing will be wide ranging up to and including the tears from inevitable crying that there is no toilet roll).

Or OP can accept that this was an unfortunate circumstance of bad timing and get a grip and move on.

nina2b · 24/07/2017 13:18

Zephyr01

Bet they don't send female cleaners in men's loos.

Not quite sure who 'they' are, but many places use females to clean male loos

John Lewis.
rolls eyes

LurkingHusband · 24/07/2017 13:20

I think the solution to the problem is to basically close toilets while they are being cleaned and restocked.

Some places do, and direct people to the disabled toilets ... almost invariably when MrsLH needs to go Sad ...

nina2b · 24/07/2017 13:20

Today 13:15 scottishdiem

"Bet they don't send female cleaners in men's loos."

Oh I would take that bet. I would bet every last penny I had and borrow as much as I could to add to the bet. Because I know I would win.

Oh wow. Good for you.
Let's take everything literally from now on....
Hmm

nina2b · 24/07/2017 13:21

Some posters should look up metaphor.
Lol

witchofzog · 24/07/2017 13:22

Or he could just have waited outside the main door rather than outside the cubicle door.

OP posts: