AIBU to not feel grateful to mother for coming to help me clean?

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Given that it's tit for tat essentially.

I know she means well - and I am certainly pissed off at the state of my house. DH has been house husbanding, but that does not appear to include cleaning and believe me folks, my standards are pretty low. Ma is retired. As it Dad and they have unemployed DB living with them currently. I work a 60/70 hour week, have just stopped for the holidays and have huge fucking amounts of planning to do in that time and resources to create for new GCSE/A level.

Am I really fucking ungrateful that although I accepted when Ma rang today and suggested that she come help me out for a couple of days cleaning and then I come do the same for her because 'it's more fun/motivating with two of you' I just feel pissed off and bitter.

I don't actually want to clean up my own shithole. I don't get why I'm breaking up for the holidays and just starting more 'wife work' that should have been done by DH or DD (21 and living here). I am sole breadwinner and work very long hours. And neither of them contribute much.

I really don't want to go clean Ma and Pa's house on top. Would have gratefully accepted help from Mam but now feeling pissed off that it's not out of kindness, it's a favour to be returned. And pissed off that there are three of them doing fuck all in that household who could clean it up. I know DPs are getting on - but there's nothing stopping DB scrubbing her skirting boards/cleaning grout up the top of a ladder or whatever she's after!

Am I a cow? Or just really pissed off with women's perceived roles. DH has now fucked off to do some work and left me with all the child care as well for a few weeks (Still got a DS at home). DD has gone off to Ibiza with mates.
Ma lives with two blokes, but is the only one who cleans. Holiday - what fucking holiday? If there is reincarnation can you put down for 'cocklodger' do you think? If not, I'm going for 'cat' I guess.

Go for a nice day out with your mum instead, and discuss how you will resolve your lazy family members' behaviour.

You could...
have a Friday take away for everyone who has done their jobs, nothing for those who haven't.
Increase the amount DD pays as her contribution in order to hire a cleaner.
Stop doing any one else's laundry and do a job you want don't instead.
Refuse to speak to anyone until their job has been done. Anytime anyone speaks to you, answer 'have you done the vacuuming?'.

Have I missed that there are lots of children too? Why aren't your DH and dd at work themselves?

I just came on here to suggest you get your DH and DD to pay for a cleaner, but I see it's been said before. In the meantime, whilst they're away, could you get someone in to do a "deep clean" or "spring" clean for both you and your mother? Even if it has to come out of your own pocket this time, it will be money well spent for your sanity. Good luck, I hope you manage to have a good rest in the end!

Oh god suggest you duck off somewhere (anywhere) for two weeks then you and DH and DD need to have SERIOUS talks about the shit tip house.

Instead of threatening to leave, just leave. Go stay in a hotel and tell them 1. You're not paying for their shit until the house is clean 2. You're not coming home until the house is cleaned. This has nothing to do with your mum and everything to do with your own family. Why are you so passive about it? Don't lift a finger in that house! Pack a bag and leave!!

Thanks folks. It's not just me being arsey cos I'm knackered then. I did pack a bag on Sat morning and announced I was leaving, as in " I have just got paid - and have enough money for a deposit and a months rent on a flat and I'm off!"

Cue weeping and upset DS11 and me feeling shit and guilty. We're actually pretty skint. DH is out of work, although looking. If I could afford it I'd have taken DS on holiday. Ma is coming this afternoon and I might just take her out for coffee and a chat.

Do your own clearing, strictly no-one else's. Stand over them and make them do the housework when they're all back. Rather than an emotional outburst upsetting your ds11, a rational sit down chat and a serious word re everyone doing as needed would be better.

I finished school on Friday, so far I have done fuck all, I need a few days of doing zero to recover from working full steam ahead for the past few weeks until 4 on Friday doing something totally unnecessary required by those on high. Painful.

So because you're a woman as well as the main earner, you're expected to split the cleaning with your DM, as well as cleaning your own home.

If that's to be the arrangement, surely your DH should be getting himself involved with it.

'No thank you mother, I'm too busy working so all the lazy sods that I have to support don't have to, and I'm too knackered to clean your house ask my DH', is all you need to say to her.

I don't think this fight is between you and your mum. I think this is just the straw that broke the camels back, so to speak.

It's your DH and DD that need a bloody rocket!

I have actually done a mutual, your house then mine, two day clean with my sister and it worked well. But that wasn't because our respective families had done FA!