Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comments on weight - AIBU?

27 replies

Littlemissindependent · 23/07/2017 20:29

I'm not sure if this is more of a WWYD really, but looking for advice...
DP has made a couple of comments over the past month or so that hint at his dislike(?) of potential weight gain. For example, I made a silly comment about gaining 3 stone and he promptly replied that if I did that he'd chuck me. Yesterday, again, I made a joky comment about "getting some meat on my bones before winter" and he was very quick to tell me not to. He's also pointed out that I could do with going to the gym to tone up my stomach and thighs. Here's the thing, I weigh 8 stone Confused. Granted, I probably could do with toning up a bit, but most people I know tell me I'd look better for putting some weight on, not implying that I need to keep it off. I'm a bit lost for words as to what to say to him...

OP posts:
Mysteriouscurle · 23/07/2017 20:38

How about "fuck off you unpleasant wanker" Grin

Pickleypickles · 23/07/2017 20:39

He sounds like an ass. An ass that would make me want to stand in front of him with a giant piece of chocolate cake telling him how delicious and fattening it is.
Have you been with him long ? Has he always been like this?
If he is being serious and extra pounds would make him leave you then you better off without him x1000000.

frieda909 · 23/07/2017 20:40

He sounds like a complete arse. I'm sorry. YADNBU Sad

Original poster
Littlemissindependent · 23/07/2017 20:42

I suppose I'm a bit neutral for want of a better word because he's not actually commenting on my current weight. Just making it blatantly obvious that if I were to gain weight, he wouldn't approve.

OP posts:
XiCi · 23/07/2017 20:46

But he is commenting on your current size because he is telling you to go to the gym to tone up. How long have you been together? It sounds like he is trying to undermine your confidence.

Rainbunny · 23/07/2017 20:50

Sounds like my friend's "D"H, awful man. He will literally snatch the last piece of pizza off her plate to make sure she doesn't eat it, he's given her weights, a yoga mat and skipping rope (never requested) for her birthday along with with a workout schedule that he'd created for her and went into a massive sulk and gave her the silent treatment for 3 days when she had her hair dyed back to it's natural brown colour after being blonde for years because she was tired of the expense and effort of being a bottle blonde.

As you might guess, my friend completely regrets marrying him but stays because she would hate to live only having her children with her part-time is they shared custody. OP use her situation as a warning and think carefully about whether you want to get really serious with your DP. His comments could be harmless immaturity or are they part of a pattern of behaviour?

Glumglowworm · 23/07/2017 20:51

He sounds like a total knob

Why are you with him?

NicolasFlamel · 23/07/2017 20:51

Has he any redeeming features?

VladmirsPoutine · 23/07/2017 20:51

Well what do you want him to say?

If I were to gain 3 stone I'd expect those who loved and cared about me to ask what was going on. Granted not from a judgemental place but what do you expect?

SmileEachDay · 23/07/2017 20:52

I can think of a really easy way to lose several stones....

peachgreen · 23/07/2017 20:53

I couldn't be with someone like that. What happens if you gain weight due to illness? Or pregnancy? Or just through getting older and slowing down? I'd feel my relationship was always conditional.

Original poster
Littlemissindependent · 23/07/2017 20:53

For the most part he's fantastic. What I do find odd is that he goes to great lengths to make sure I eat and drink (I have a habit of skipping meals/not having time, not great I know) so I don't understand why he does that but then makes it clear he doesn't want me to gain weight?! I'm fairly tall and could probably gain a couple of stone and still look ok so I really don't understand why he's doing this.

OP posts:
RubaDubMum89 · 23/07/2017 20:59

OP if he's serious about leaving you if you gained whatever he deems as too much weight, I'd reconsider your life with him.

For example, if you were to have kids, how would he cope with the inevitable weight gain? You're not forced to gain alot of weight (I lost half a stone in pregnancy) but, your body will change. There's a good chance you will have a 'pouch' and it'll stay there from all the stretching. How on earth is he going to cope with that?

LadyMaryofDownt0n · 23/07/2017 21:00

So you didn't gain 3 stone then?? Since that would make you only 5 stone before & most likely very unwell?? Hmm

If he's commenting on your weight I'd firmly stand your ground and tell him it's unacceptable

Original poster
Littlemissindependent · 23/07/2017 21:00

I already have dd (3) hence the comments about toning my stomach... also can't have any more so that's not an issue

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlemissindependent · 23/07/2017 21:36

And no Lady I haven't gained 3 stone, he's saying that if I gained 3 stone from my current weight

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 23/07/2017 21:38

Bet he's an absolute Adonis...

naughtymutha · 23/07/2017 21:38

Doesn't sound like the kind of guy that would stand by you if something more serious than gaining weight happened to you. Tell him to sling his hook. Arrogant prick. Angry

rainbowpie · 23/07/2017 21:45

I don't think my DH would be cheering for me to put on 3 stone but 1) he wouldn't chuck me 2) he wouldn't threaten to chuck me and 3) he'd love me regardless (We have both been 3-4 stone heavier than we are now so pretty sure about that).

Also, he insists he likes my wobbly bits because they gave him his children. Even my slipper tits (my words, not his). Why tf is your DP commenting on toning your belly? Hounds like a pig.

Buthewasstillhungry · 23/07/2017 21:47

LTB and I never say that!!

Fluffyears · 23/07/2017 21:58

What a catch! A guy who wants you only if you fall into some acceptable list he has made up. I'm fatterbnowbtgan when we met but DP loves me, he loves me fat, thin, redhead, brunette, make up on, make up off....it's me he loves and the packaging isn't important. I'd chuck your guy and find someone who loves you and not just how you look. Looks fade.

XiCi · 24/07/2017 07:30

That's exactly what I was thinking kalinka. What's the bets he's not a tall handsome god-like creature with a rippling 6 pack. It's always those with massive insecurities themselves that try and drag others down.

FinallyHere · 24/07/2017 08:03

Maybe he sees you as a prize he has gained, and gets a boost from having others envy him. He wants to ensure his prize maintains its value. What is he like, does he think he isn't valued for himself, does he need the boost that might come in that way?

If so, maybe help him work on his own self esteem, maybe jettison him.

Original poster
Littlemissindependent · 24/07/2017 08:27

He's incredibly confident and outgoing, the total opposite of me. Granted he's certainly not a 6ft god but even so... he doesn't seem the type to want to make me feel bad about myself so I don't really understand why he's making these comments. The logical part of my brain knows I'm not overweight, but there is a small irrational part of me that's thinking I'd better start watching what I eat which is just stupid Sad

OP posts:
everythingissoblinkinrosie · 24/07/2017 10:01

You're tall and only 8 stone.
He's a wanker.
If you feel you need to tone up then tone up. Because you want to.
He really is a pig for talking like that.
If you skip meals regularly you need to have a big rethink about your relationship with food.