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WIBU (re Dd's birthday)?

6 replies

ThePlaceboEffect · 23/07/2017 12:10

There is a HUGE backstory to this which I won't go into but the upshot is I have a very strained relationship with my mother ("M") and sister ("S"). So strained that I only ever talk to them when it involves arrangements for handover for DD. I'm wondering if the history is clouding my judgement and thought I'd throw the situation to the vipers who will tell me straight.

It was DD's birthday (12th) and M called her to arrange an outing, suggesting shopping in X city (halfway between us and M suggesting I could drive the 50 miles to drop DD at the midpoint - no problem).

Dd has never been to X city so looking forward to it.

A week before the outing M messages me to say going to Y city now so will pick DD up from home. Y city being the local city DD has been to a million times.

I ask why to get told S would like to see DD and buy her something.

I ask whether this had been discussed with DD to be told they had tried to call DD but no answer. It turns out DD had two missed calls from S a couple of days before but no texts or voicemails from either of them.

I said that I thought it unfair plans were made with DD but changed with no discussion to fit in with S when I never stop S from seeing DD and will go out of my way to accommodate (driving places for handover) although S never does ask to see DD.

I suggested S could go to X city for the day with you both. M just said that as it was obviously a problem she'll stick to the original plan.

I tried to explain it wasn't whether it was X city or Y city or Timbuktu but that plans made with DD for her birthday had been changed to accommodate S with no discussion or even question of DD whether that was ok.

I don't know whether I was making a mountain out of a molehill out whether i was right to speak up?

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 23/07/2017 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedSkyAtNight · 23/07/2017 12:23

Can't see the problem either. Presumably the point of the day is to see her gran and aunt, do some shopping and choose a present(s).

Unless city X is really substantially different to city Y, or they were planning do specific that can only be done in X, it changing the location makes no odds at all to DD. Actually if I had been DD I'd probably rather have gone to the local place, rather than spend several hours in the car.


Smellbellina · 23/07/2017 12:28

There is very obviously a back story to this, if there wasn't it wouldn't be a problem ifyswim.
So, whilst it seems fine on the face of it, what's happened in the past and your feelings re your M and S are obviously raising your hackles.
If your M has said she will keep to the original plan and that is DD's preference, I'd leave it at that tbh.


ThanksForAllTheFish · 23/07/2017 12:39

I'm guessing X city is somewher large like London and Y city is somewhere smaller that your DD goes to all the time so the same old shops. I don't know the backstory so I imagine there is more to this but I do get your point. Your DD has been looking forward to the trip to X city which is new to her and therefore will feel like more of a special day out.

I'm guessing by your tone that your sister has from for waltzing in and changing pre arranged plans to suit her. Or are you just annoyed that she's joining in what was supposed to be a granddaughter/gran day out?


Bluntness100 · 23/07/2017 12:44

I'd guess also the original city is somewhere she wants to go, like london and the new city takes the shine off. I agree they should have discussed it with your daughter, how does she feel?


ThePlaceboEffect · 23/07/2017 12:57

I think it started with me feeling a bit hurt (and honestly for me as well as dd) that M would drive the 100 miles to see S but not DD.

There is a bit of feeling of always fitting in with S (times for lunch dates for meeting up etc).

I'm trying to build up dd's confidence and make sure she knows she and her opinion matter. I guess this was not the time to try and explain it to others.

OP posts:
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