To think I had pnd?

[Ohnomoomoos]

I know no one here can make a diagnosis but thought people might recognise the experience.

I had a really low time after dc2, I did see my GP and had some therapy, but I was never officially diagnosed with pnd and it was never suggested.

I don't want to out myself so might be a bit vague.

I had a wonderful pregnancy but a very, very traumatic birth. However I fell head over heels in love with dc2, instantly, but a few things that happened afterwards still make me shudder even now. For example failing at breastfeeding, feeling that inlaws kept taking the baby off me, usual interfering, unsolicited advice, For example denying reflux exists, telling me I should put him on a feeding schedule, visiting with neuro virus I could say worse but it would put me if mil is a mnetter. I just wanted to be left alone with my lo.

I found him to be an extremely difficult baby, he never slept day or night, cried all the time, sick all the time, which resulted in him being attached to me 24/7. It seemed impossible to do much as eat or shower without him screaming blue murder. Anytime I tried to talk to somebody I just got shot down and told I'd made a rod for my own back. No one understood really apart from dh that baby was just very high needs. Not 'manipulative'.

I felt under an enormous amount of pressure for several reasons not baby related but all potentially life changing. Can't really go into detail again, but there were a number of major other things going on for us within the first year of his life.

I got to the point where I felt under so much pressure I sort of broke down. I felt like I was being pulled in all directions and that no one gave a shiny shit about me. I just completely shut down one evening and I physically couldn't function, I went numb mentally and physically.

I eventually found the strength from somewhere to see the GP, and to confront some of the issues head on, said no to people and not be pressured into things I didn't really want.

Time has passed now and dc2 has chilled out a lot now, sleeps well on the whole, I feel more better equip to deal with life now.

It was something Una Healy from The Saturdays said on tv about PND being like wandering through the fog and when you're better it's like you've come through the fog. That's definitely how I feel/felt.

Sadly when I look back I was definitely in thick fog.

Can anyone here recognise any of this?

I don't feel I can help, but I v much feel like you that some bloody enormous stuff went on during the 0-2 years with DD & ive no idea what it was. Break-down style but just kept it together.
to you. Hope you get things clear

Yes definitely thick fog here too with DD1. I sadly don't remember much of her first year, apart from that I hated it!

It doesn't sound like PND to me, mostly because of all the other stuff going on. Depression maybe, breakdown perhaps as well, but I don't think it sounds like it was specifically PND (due to the baby).

Instead, it seems more like you had a baby around a very difficult time in your life and everything got on top of you, not the hormonal imbalance of PND.

I had/have PNA/PND and though everyone is different, the biggest thing for me is feeling totally out of control of my emotions. I'd be fine one minute, then just cry over the stupidest things. I felt very stressed pretty much all the time (that was the anxiety). I felt a lot of regret over having our DS.

My friend with PND couldn't get out of bed some mornings.

Everyone is different but I genuinely believe yours just coincided with a baby rather than being caused by baby.

Sounds like you went through an extremely difficult time OP. Glad to hear you've come out the other side.

I'm a psychologist - I would suggest that diagnostic labels in general are less important than actually being able to make sense of your experience - e.g. being able to clearly identify the factors that put you under such emotional stress and, quite understandably, led you to feel the way you did.

As regards to what a pp said, postnatal depression is not simply about a hormonal imbalance. Postnatal depression can be understood as depression which occurs in the postnatal period, this can happen for many reasons, but a traumatic birth and feeling a lack of support are often particular factors. So in that sense you would fit that part of the criteria - however I don't think anyone (including myself) should try to diagnose anyone online. Also just to add, therapy for "regular" depression and therapy for post-natal depression is really no different (eg if using a CBT approach the main treatment strategies are all going to be similar) which might be why your therapist didn't feel it necessary to label you with that particular diagnosis. Diagnosis is only really required if you want to access medication.

@hana32 You appear to be misreading what I wrote. To clarify: www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/postpartum-depression/basics/causes/con-20029130

As I said, PND varies from person to person. A large contributing factor to PND is that it's a result of the birth (whether that be hormones, trauma or whatever). For me the drop in hormones etc etc was the main reason mine occurred (as well as going 3 weeks early, unplanned c-section, and sleep deprivation) etc. This was apparent for both me and my friend because we couldn't control our emotions. It's one thing to feel down and sad, but she was physically unable to get out of bed, and I was unable to stop myself crying over stupid things (like forgetting to take the trash out).

The OP mentions that there was a whole lot of other stuff going on. I definitely seems more situational rather than due to the trigger of the birth so I wouldn't call it PND, but if it makes the OP happier to call it that, then more power to her. It's just important to acknowledge she had a LOT of other shit going on.

The risks of untreated PND are such that she should seek treatment either way. www.postpartumprogress.com/when-the-risk-of-not-getting-help-for-ppd-just-isnt-worth-it

And yes, I'm on Sertraline now. Once it kicked in it correct the imbalance and I feel like "me" again.

I just want to say you didn't "fail" at breastfeeding. You tried, it didn't work, you moved on. Your baby was fed, that's the most important thing.

It took someone else saying the same thing to me to help me accept that I was not a failure