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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate going anywhere when DPs friends are there

25 replies

K1092902 · 22/07/2017 17:38

I hate it.

It's literally like I'm invisible.

Today we went to see his old school friend who he hasn't seen in a good 5 years. They bumped into each other a few weeks back and exchanged numbers and we were invited to a BBQ last weekend

DH didn't speak to me once, didn't bother introducing me to his friends and while they were lovely and made a small effort to talk to me like I did most of the time I was ignored and it was like I wasn't there

He has done this is the past to when I've literally sat there for hours and not said a word and felt really embarrassed and awkward

DH is going back there next Friday for a drink and I don't want to go.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 22/07/2017 17:40

He's a twat. Don't go.

Fruitcocktail6 · 22/07/2017 17:41

YANBU. That's really rude of your DH and I certainly wouldn't be going out with him and his friends.

Pollydonia · 22/07/2017 17:41

Tell him to get some fucking manners and introduce you properly.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 22/07/2017 17:43

He ignored you and didn't introduce you to his mates?, is he usually a twat?

Have you had it out with him about his treatment of you. No I wouldn't go.

Crunchymum · 22/07/2017 17:44

Your DP / DH (you mention both?) Is a rude cunt.

BewareOfDragons · 22/07/2017 17:44

Wow. Your partner is supposed to have your back and make you feel welcome and wanted in such situations ... what the hell is wrong with yours?

crazykitten20 · 22/07/2017 17:47

The fact that you have to ASK , worries me a lot.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 22/07/2017 17:48

YANBU. But it sounds like the problem is more your DP being a different person in the presence of his friends, rather than being their fault as such. Has he given any sort of explanation for his behaviour? Does he know you had a terrible time?

DonaldStott · 22/07/2017 17:50

Omg. He sounds horrible. How dare he treat you like that!! Would I fuck go!

LouHotel · 22/07/2017 17:51

Do you ask him why he behaved like this?

I had an ex who use to this and he also hated it when i would take it upon myself to engage his mates in conversation. I think he didnlt like the idea that they liked me...you can imagine why that relationship didnt work out.

Shoxfordian · 22/07/2017 17:53

Yeah super rude of him but you can also speak to people and introduce yourself.

RapunzelsRealMom · 22/07/2017 17:54

He absolutely is a twat for behaving like this, but if I'm not introduced to someone, I'll say, "Hi I'm Rapunzel. What's your name?" and interact with them myself.

I'd be annoyed with DH and speak to him about it later but I wouldn't let it ruin my night.

Hopefully if you discuss it with him, you won't have to do this, but you're an adult so you can introduce yourself, despite his ignorance

Fruitcorner123 · 22/07/2017 18:07

Have you spoken to him about his as you say he has done it before? You definitely need to raise it with him.

I wouldn't be going on Friday though, time is too precious to waste doing something you won't enjoy and wont have any benefit for anyone else. It doesn't sound like he will be bothered if you don't go so no big deal.

Trills · 22/07/2017 18:10

Is it DP or DH?

Could you, for example, break up with him and find yourself a partner who treats you like a person?

AlternativeTentacle · 22/07/2017 18:12

DH is going back there next Friday for a drink and I don't want to go.

Why would you? Surely just send him off alone?

Aquamarine1029 · 22/07/2017 18:14

Has your husband always been such a clueless jackass? Has no one taught him any manners?

Deathraystare · 22/07/2017 18:15

Don't go. Tell him you prefer not to be ignored.

museumum · 22/07/2017 18:16

Well to go against the grain, tbh if my dh was meeting someone he hadn't seen in five years I'd not expect him to really talk to me. I'd have chatted to other people there but then if I didn't really click with any of them probably not go back the next time.

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 22/07/2017 18:17

Ynbu
That's appalling behaviour from your DP, he's supposed to support you

If it was me I would definitely go and make a point of being chatty with all his friends. Ask lots of questions, find out things about them. Try and have a good time. I know it's awkward when you don't know anyone and they all know each other. Perhaps they feel a bit awkward that he hadn't introduced you. People can be weird like that.

IStoleDipsysHat · 22/07/2017 18:25

I had an ex like this. One party it was so pronounced that his mates decided it wasn't on and sat with me while he went to get a drink. That way if he wanted to continue the conversation he had to come over to them, he wasn't happy about it and they called him on acting like a dick.They were the only people we both new and he would pick somewhere to sit, then say he would be back in a sec and bugger off, so we had the choice to sit with them from the beginning he just preferred to stick me in a corner and then when he was safe he knew where I was, buggered off.

Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 22/07/2017 18:31

Have you made any kind of effort to talk to them, tho? I was first DP of my dh's group, I think and he was delighted that I was life and soul of the party (whilst not taking over!) and wanted me to go with him every time.

If you're the shy retiring type, I can imagine being with his mates is torture, so just don't go. However, you risk isolating yourself. Can you try to get to know them a bit? Have you spoken to your DP about him being a rude twat yet?

spiderlight · 22/07/2017 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spiderlight · 22/07/2017 18:56

Sorry, wrong thread!! Have reported and asked for it to be deleted Blush

Original poster
K1092902 · 22/07/2017 19:53

I get he wanted to catch up with his friend. Fair enough. But it's not too much to ask for him to say "This is my wife K" is it??

It's starting to really piss me off. It doesn't happen very often as we tend to do either our own thing or see my mutual friends.

I spoke to him about it but he doesn't see why he should introduce me to someone when I can do it myself Hmm. Surely it's just manners?

And then not to say barely a word to me all night is just rude

OP posts:
ForalltheSaints · 22/07/2017 20:27

Not introducing you is bad manners.

Personally I try to avoid such gatherings, respecting that my DP has a set of friends who are not mine.

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