To worry about my DD in High School

[TinyRick]

I have always brought up my DDs to be how they want to be and encouraged them in any ways possible.

I'm in Australia and in a suburb near one that does not have the best reputation. My DD will be going to a high school next year that reflects that.

So far at her primary school she has excelled so far and been kinda acknowledged with her hair and fashion decisions (think short hair, 'emo' fashion').

I have always encouraged self expression and when she came to me asking for a short haircut and change of clothes I went with it very willingly.

This is. She is a very smart but very anxious child. A school counseler has been recommended for her as they think she needs help to transition to the high school.

I agree. But I can't help but worry that I have done a disservice pointing out and allowing her to be an individual as I was exactly the same at her age. I experimented with hair colours and fashion but my school was rather tame.

She will be in a school that will have students from 'intolerant' families. As in she will have a lot more people pointing out her 'alternativeness' and she will most likely get picked on and made a target.

I do not think she is ready mentally to withstand the torment she will be open to just for being different.

I have a niece at the school who got in actual fist fights with her bullies after they hit and picked on her first. But she is 'strong' in that regards. My DD isn't. She would not fight back. It's not in her nature. And that worries me.

I have told her as best as I can that if she suffers any bullying to tell a teacher or one of her parents (we are divorced). But what if she gets actually punched? Hit? Kicked?
Just for being in the 'smart classes' and having a different haircut and way of dressing?

Is it a bad thing I am encouraging her individuality?

Great user name!

You can't now try to curb her individuality, if that's what she feels comfortable with.

There's no easy answer- I can't promise she won't be attacked for being smart/different. (I was).

I learned ways to avoid the bullies and made close friends who I spent my breaks with- the bullies wouldn't pick on me if I wasn't alone.

I did get in a few scrapes and I learned to fight back- this isn't always the answer but self defence lessons can come in handy!

I feel for DD I really do- as long as she knows she has your love and support then she'll go a long way, I'm sure.

Focus on the positives which are that in a larger school, she will be more likely to meet other kids like her. There's always an Emo contingent in a bigger school...they find one another.

They do sometimes come in for some hassle....but not always. THe best thing to do is arm DD with some good coping mechanisms.

blue Thanks! (Can't wait for rest of season 3)

I think at the tail end of it she has been pretty sheltered. I have always been gentle with my DD's and as any parent tries to do, shelter them from the big bad world.

But I acknowledge that this is and neighbouring suburbs they will be those brought up in vastly different households. I was bullied too but very 'softly' compared to the amount of bullying and violence I have heard happens around here.

And yes, I have said that she will (hopefully ) find those who will be her tribe (as teens go) but she currently has difficulty evaluating social situations and does nit easily find friends (and then keep them). That's not because she is a turd, far from it. She is very sensitive and very compassionate.

She's very shy and anxious.

Have you considered home education?

I probably should expand. She's not 'shy shy'. She is shy in a reluctant kind of way. Like me. We go somewhere new and don't know how to act and be.

DD is more exaggerated though. I'm at the point where I can now go in and sit somewhere at the inlaw's...DD still hangs about in the doorway and takes her time to actually maybe think about sitting down.

DD is very awkward, for want of a better word.

But she is currently a School Councilor, always picked for the more speaking parts in assemblies, been invited to be part of the debate team...

It just seems that all these achievements PLUS the very different appearance is just bullseye for bullies in a 'bad' high school.

(She could go to a couple pf different other High Schools but this one recently had a multi million dollar STEM building built and I think it would be very beneficial for her as she is very science and maths orientated)

Mrs Yes I have. But I need to find work and I am not capable enough to teach her at the level I know she is capable of.

Is there any chance of getting her into a school that's not so rough?

They are all 'rough' around here.

One that has a slightly better representation is more on the agricultural and veterinary side. DD is not that way minded.

It's just the area we are in. It's actually kinda comparable to the area I grew up in England but it's a lot more 'violent' and 'aggressive' here unfortunately.

God it sounds a -rough- tough school I do think your Dd will find her tribe though mine did sadly there is only so much you can do to prevent bullying let her develop as she goes to high school she might change slightly to fit in but as she matures she will find her own way, The Dds high school was as rough as a badgers arse they managed to fit in quietly it isn't easy though.

Thanks MrsJayy that has helped alleviate my anxiety about it all.

I guess as I am coming it as a non conforming child myself and I had a relatively smooth ride, being a predominately lower-middle class area.

There is no similar class system here and I have heard so many incidences of very aggressive bullying I just can't help but worry.

OP I'm in Oz too...can I ask which state you're in? Could you look into private at all?

Do you own? If renting I'd move!

I'm in WA. Can not afford private.

Thing is DD has had a lot of upheavals in her short life (country moves/suburb moves).

Where we are now is very close to DP's family so when I get a job we won't have to pay for childcare (they are very willing to help).

The main thing really is even though it's a 'bad' school they have the academics program ( which DD is getting in to after they scouted her out) and has a big self contained STEM building. These are both very beneficial for her

The worry is the physical violence that goes on around here.

Build her up confidence wise...she's been scouted for the academic programme...she's extra special. Make sure she knows that....if the physical violence is as bad as you suggest, then I would speak to the school about your concerns. How will DD be getting to and from school?

To put it bluntly, your choice came down to new STEM block v your DD's likely mental well-being, and you chose the building.

An unhappy teen won't learn no matter what facilities are there.

Viking To put it bluntly both schools have issues.

My eldest niece went to the one with a 'better reputation' she said not to go there as drugs were everywhere.

And it isn't my choice at all.

I let DD choose what school she wants to go to.

Has she ever watched Rupaul's Drag Race OP?

Odd suggestion perhaps but it's amazing in terms of helping kids to celebrate difference and bulding up confidence.

My DD has adored it since she was about 11 and it's showed her that lots of kids who don't fit in, grow up to be amazing.