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AIBU to ask your help please? I want my life back again and not sure what to do...

17 replies

Serenella · 22/07/2017 14:44

Dear All,

I live with my partner and my 2yo son in a house. We share the mortgage repayment.
Before our son's arrival, we were a very happy couple, we've been together for over 10 years. After I gave birth something changed and, long story short, now we do not tolerate each other. There is no way for me to live like that, my life is miserable, I am not happy at all...and I want my happiness back...
I don't know what to do. I don't want to live with him in the same house, but I guess I can't just ask him to leave...we own together the house. What should I do? We are not married...we can't divorce! But can I contact a solicitor? Asking what?
Please help me, I am lost...and stuck in this life, and want to fight to have my smile and my mental sanity back...for me and for my son.
Thanks a lot to all of you

OP posts:

Cocklodger · 22/07/2017 14:45

Break up, sell the house, split the proceeds and move on as co parents. How easy that is depends on both of you and how you act. Will he likely be reasonable?


Serenella · 22/07/2017 14:50

Reasonable....I guess so, not sure. Every time I tried to split up so far he always said "let's try again..." but then nothing changed and I am sick of it...

OP posts:

Troels · 22/07/2017 15:36

He says lets try again, say No. Or maybe say you would prefer some space and see how you get along with each other without living under the same roof.


Botanicbaby · 22/07/2017 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peachgreen · 22/07/2017 15:39

Did something specific happen? You say "something changed" - do you know what that is? In the kindest way possible, could you be suffering from PND? It's broken up many a previously happy relationship.


pigsDOfly · 22/07/2017 15:55

You give no details as to why you want to separate from your DP and it doesn't sound as if he wants to separate from you if he's saying he wants to try again.

From the little you say it sounds as if the unhappiness is something you're feeling rather than what's happening between the two of you. As Peachgreen says, is it possible you're suffering from PND? Have you seen your GP?


pigsDOfly · 22/07/2017 15:57

What shitty behaviour are you referring to Botanicbaby? Can't see any reference to any shitty behaviour in the OP's post. Just her unhappiness and his wanting to 'try again'.


Aquamarine1029 · 22/07/2017 16:58

Tell him you want out and are selling the house, or he can buy you out of his share. End of discussion.


Aquamarine1029 · 22/07/2017 16:58

*your share.


Botanicbaby · 22/07/2017 18:03

pigsDOfly oh gosh I see what you mean.

I'd read a different thread where the OP said her DP wouldn't accept them splitting up and continually wanting to 'try again' yet I somehow responded on this one instead in error so my post doesn't make sense.

Not sure how to remove it though!


Fruitcorner123 · 22/07/2017 18:15

Another one who is wondering about post natal depression. Or just straightforward depression. Could there be a reason that you feel differently which is resolvable such as your mental health. Would counselling be worth considering first?

You say you were happy for ten years so do you know what changed?


MatildaTheCat · 22/07/2017 18:22

Trying again isn't enough if nobody tries to work out what has gone wrong or tries to fix it. Generally it's very difficult to do this without outside help.

In view of being happy for ten years prior to feeling this way which coincided with having a DC would you consider couples counselling? Perhaps stipulate this as your only way of trying any more? If her refuses then I would get legal advice on separation/ selling house and dividing your childcare sensibly.


Serenella · 22/07/2017 20:35

Thank you all. I did not consider PND nor counseling so far...
It is a lot of things that are just wrong: he does not care of me as I don't care of him, we just shout at each other for everything, we don't do sex (2 years), we don't speak...
I see him as an ameba not able to do anything unless I tell him to do something...but actually he does several things, but for me it is not enough...
I'll have a look at PND symptoms right now...

OP posts:

Jedimum1 · 22/07/2017 20:45

Life is hard with babies / toddlers, usually there's not enough sleep, not enough pampering, rushing here and there, feeling a bit crap, etc. It's very difficult to find the balance and see it as a temporary thing, as well as seeing your other half behind the tiredness and grumpiness this period usually brings.

I'd take time out if that's an option, go to your family's or a friend's, get some time on your own, see how you feel. If a weight is not lifted, you might be suffering from (postnatal) depression. I heard men can get PND too, could that be his issue?. If after a time away you feel that's how you want to live, then go ahead. In any case, get a solicitor asap and ask about your rights. You've been living together and have a child, you do have rights. Also ask if you can leave the house without affecting your rights, I know it used to be a problem in the past, no idea now.

Sorry you are going through this but if you are miserable, know that there's always something around the corner that will make you smile again.


Jedimum1 · 22/07/2017 20:46

Counseling is s great idea


LouMumsnet · 22/07/2017 20:55

Hi Botanicbaby, hope you don't mind us jumping on the thread like this but your post was reported to us and we were told you'd like to have it withdrawn. Just say the word if this is the case and we'll sort it out for you. Thanks.


Botanicbaby · 23/07/2017 00:05


Yes, please that would be great if you could remove it thanks. I replied to the wrong thread.

(Sorry OP)

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