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AIBU?
AIBU to ask your help please? I want my life back again and not sure what to do...
Serenella · 22/07/2017 14:44
Dear All,
I live with my partner and my 2yo son in a house. We share the mortgage repayment.
Before our son's arrival, we were a very happy couple, we've been together for over 10 years. After I gave birth something changed and, long story short, now we do not tolerate each other. There is no way for me to live like that, my life is miserable, I am not happy at all...and I want my happiness back...
I don't know what to do. I don't want to live with him in the same house, but I guess I can't just ask him to leave...we own together the house. What should I do? We are not married...we can't divorce! But can I contact a solicitor? Asking what?
Please help me, I am lost...and stuck in this life, and want to fight to have my smile and my mental sanity back...for me and for my son.
Thanks a lot to all of you
Botanicbaby · 22/07/2017 15:39
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
pigsDOfly · 22/07/2017 15:55
You give no details as to why you want to separate from your DP and it doesn't sound as if he wants to separate from you if he's saying he wants to try again.
From the little you say it sounds as if the unhappiness is something you're feeling rather than what's happening between the two of you. As Peachgreen says, is it possible you're suffering from PND? Have you seen your GP?
Botanicbaby · 22/07/2017 18:03
pigsDOfly oh gosh I see what you mean.
I'd read a different thread where the OP said her DP wouldn't accept them splitting up and continually wanting to 'try again' yet I somehow responded on this one instead in error so my post doesn't make sense.
Not sure how to remove it though!
Fruitcorner123 · 22/07/2017 18:15
Another one who is wondering about post natal depression. Or just straightforward depression. Could there be a reason that you feel differently which is resolvable such as your mental health. Would counselling be worth considering first?
You say you were happy for ten years so do you know what changed?
MatildaTheCat · 22/07/2017 18:22
Trying again isn't enough if nobody tries to work out what has gone wrong or tries to fix it. Generally it's very difficult to do this without outside help.
In view of being happy for ten years prior to feeling this way which coincided with having a DC would you consider couples counselling? Perhaps stipulate this as your only way of trying any more? If her refuses then I would get legal advice on separation/ selling house and dividing your childcare sensibly.
Serenella · 22/07/2017 20:35
Thank you all. I did not consider PND nor counseling so far...
It is a lot of things that are just wrong: he does not care of me as I don't care of him, we just shout at each other for everything, we don't do sex (2 years), we don't speak...
I see him as an ameba not able to do anything unless I tell him to do something...but actually he does several things, but for me it is not enough...
I'll have a look at PND symptoms right now...
Jedimum1 · 22/07/2017 20:45
Life is hard with babies / toddlers, usually there's not enough sleep, not enough pampering, rushing here and there, feeling a bit crap, etc. It's very difficult to find the balance and see it as a temporary thing, as well as seeing your other half behind the tiredness and grumpiness this period usually brings.
I'd take time out if that's an option, go to your family's or a friend's, get some time on your own, see how you feel. If a weight is not lifted, you might be suffering from (postnatal) depression. I heard men can get PND too, could that be his issue?. If after a time away you feel that's how you want to live, then go ahead. In any case, get a solicitor asap and ask about your rights. You've been living together and have a child, you do have rights. Also ask if you can leave the house without affecting your rights, I know it used to be a problem in the past, no idea now.
Sorry you are going through this but if you are miserable, know that there's always something around the corner that will make you smile again.
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