to even be bothered

[4fingers1thumb]

Im 32 was brought up with my mum never met my father and never really questioned it until i got a bit older and curious. my mum was always honest and told me that she was pregnant with me at 20 had an argument with my father and told him i was not his..... fast forward and im 32 and went looking, i found him (the power of facebook) and the last post i could see of his was years ago and he only had 32 friends so in my opinion not a frequent facebook user.

the only friend he had with the same sur name turned out to be his niece whos a similar age to me I found out its his niece as i messaged her and explained i was i was trying to contct him and why. she could not have been any nicer and helpful she contacted him on my behalf and the next day got back to me and said he knew that my mum was pregnant but was not sure if i was his and would need a few days to process all this.

2 days later she contacted me again sayin that he said he cant have kids and shes sorry its not the response i was hoping for and to take care.

aibu to feel rejected

YANBU, didn't want to read and run don't have anything helpful to say. Just sending my love & positive energy ❤️

thanks amee ❤️

Of course you are not being unreasonable. It is normal in these type of situations to feel rejection.

It might be helpful to pursue some counselling. This has maybe opened up something from the past. It was OK before but now you feel sad or rejected etc, which is normal.

Maybe your dad will come round, if you want to pursue a friendship with his niece, go ahead, but just remember your dad may never come to a new opinion about this, so you may need to learn to accept this. Just for the record, he is a bit of a fool, children are such a blessing, and even though he was not involved in your upbringing he could be part of your life now.

Have you told your mum?

i have not told my mum or anyone close to me, I dont even know what I was expecting from reaching out to him but i didnt think that i would be affected like this. my heads all over the place, i was always the one saying hes never been in my life i dont need him to now thinking why is he not interested its so messed up x

I too thought it meant that....ie he is infertile....but he may be infertile now, but wasn't then. I would text her back and say..well he may be now, but wasn't then, because I am here.

I'm so sorry. What a difficult situation. Rather than pursue it further and risk driving him further away I would recommend waiting, doing nothing, and he might get in touch. Please don't feel rejected. It must be very difficult to deal with the situation for both of you

This could've been written by me except I've never looked for my 'father'.

Of course you aren't being unreasonable. I'm sorry he was so cold.

I've decided that a man who has ignored me for 40 years isn't worth my time. I know that sounds simplistic and I feel angry at times but he can't offer me anything I don't already have.

I'd suggest talking this through with someone like a counsellor.

I first read that as 'he's unwilling to have kids' i.e. He mentally can't cope with having a daughter...

I think the infertility claim may be what is meant though!!

I'm so sorry that this has given you such a knock back. Do you think he would agree to do a DNA test?

He's saying he doesn't believe he can be your father, not that he doesn't want kids...

I wonder if there is any chance your mum did not tell you the whole trith, eg it migh have been him but could have been someone else.

I wonder if you can talk to your mum about this?

I know it I'd different but our son is adopted and I am expecting one day he will look for birth parents and I hope he does it while I am young enough (I am 45 years older than him) to be able to help him.