to wish my friend would stop moaning about how skint she is when she is working full-time and not paying childcare costs??

[Ceebee74]

My friend had a baby a month after me - we both went back to work at about the same time. I went back 3 days a week and my Ds is in nursery so obviously the reduction in pay and paying out child-care costs has had a dramatic effect on our finances and we have had to make sacrifices to do this.

My friend is back full-time (has negotiated 1 day a week to work from home) and is not paying out childcare costs (has family to do it)

I admit I moan about having no money and not being able to afford to do things, buy things etc - but it annoys me that she somehow thinks her position is comparable to mine - yes, babies are expensive so they will have had to make savings somewhere but her and DH are pretty much as they have always been.

I know that I would much rather do what I have done and make the sacrifices to be able to go part-time and spend 2 extra days with my DS but am I unreasonable to what to tell her to stop moaning and think herself lucky???

What CC gives M&S vouchers?

sorry fio you know I love you

CristinaTheAstonishing - nt surprisingly the M&S credit card 0.5% on all non-M&S purchses and 1% on all M&S purchases. I know I could probably get a better cash back rate somehwere else but when I have done that its just disappeared into paying off the bill. With the vouchers I save them and se them for Xmas or treats and it really feels like I'm getting something for free. (Spot the accountant!)

Try not to worry about it.I found that friends of mine who had unpaid childcare from relatives were the same - they just have no idea of the cost of childcare. But I think what other people have said is true - you don't really know what's going on in her head. Maybe she's secretly envious that u work 3 days and she's fulltime? Also, even though I would have LOVED free childcare, I honestly believe that my children benefited hugely from their childminder and later their nursery. They developed great independence and social skills and found the transition to school very smooth. I wouldn't have wanted grandparents or other family to be providing free childcare for several reasons: I believe a grandparents role is to enjoy their grandchildren - I still remember as a young girl the excitement of visiting my grandparents and how special it was, precisely because it wasn't just an everydat event. And when I have grandchildren one day, I want to feel I can love and support them without having to give up my own life to look after them. Maybe your friend feels horribly 'in debt' to her relatives, maybe they aren't bringing up her child in the way she wants and so she feels compromised but can't do anything about it. Just give her the benefit of the doubt, and you'll feel a whole lot better.

Ebenezer - thanks for your wise words. I do agree with you about the benefits of nursery - my DS has been at nursery for 2 months now and really has come on in leaps and bounds during that time (obviously we don't know if he would have developed at that rate anyway) and my friend does keep asking me about it and if I think it is doing him good.

But, it is generally her DH who looks after their DS as he works a 2-day 2-night shift pattern and then 4 days off - her 1 day at home changes according to his shift pattern - (although her DS is on long-term sick at the moment so is looking after DS every day) and then grandparents, SIL on any other days that need covering - so I don't think she does have those concerns.